my wife is trying to gain custody of my children, we are in the process of getting a divorce what can i do?

Question

will she get the house and kids?

Answer 1

Fight her in court and don't listen to people who tell you not to or that you can't win. The bottom line is that you have to prove to the court that the children will be better off with you. You should know what that means. How you do that is up to you and your lawyer....

I went through the same thing but it was something I did not take lightly. It helped my case that she was extremely irresponsible and had no way of supporting them herself, even though she was in trouble with the law and started doing drugs it was difficult but be careful, I have had to raise my two kids myself and believe me for a man it will turn your world upside down. Mine were six months and one and a half when all that happened, and I had no girlfriends or anyone to help me, now the oldest will soon start college.

Good luck and fight for your rights as a father, don't give up on your kids like most other guys do.... Be strong DAD!!!

LATER: Oh, physical custody is very important when determining legal custody, so if they are living with you and not her that will help you greatly. Since you are still married you have equal rights, she can not legally tell you you can't see them or take them to a park or something until she has an court order. Keep the children with you and sue her for custody first!!

Good luck my friend

Answer 2

If you don't have a job and you are able to look after the kids 24/7 then the courts will go in your favour. - same goes to your wife.

Realistically you both have rights and neither of you can stop each other from seeing the children.

Unless there has been serious reasons which we don't know about.. then courts will decide whatever is in the best interests for the children.

Answer 3

They are her children too arent they? She will probably get the house until the youngest is 18 or not in school and then you will have to sell it and divide the money.

As for who has physical custody of the kids that should never be an issue. Whether she has it or you have it they are children and deserve both parents love.

Try to work this out amicably for them, even though you may not be *in love* anymore the kids should be able to see that you can remain friends.

Answer 4

My son was told by Legeal Aid that he shouldn't ask for much because the woman always gets what she wants. I was Pi**ed at what they said so I got him a lawyer. The x said some bad things about my son so the courts ordered a Child Family Investegator to look into things. The courts in Colorado almost always go with what the CFI says. To make a long story short the CFI wants to give my son more than what he was asking for. Some of what the courts do has to do with what state you live in. But you really do need a lawyer & one that is good with child custody. Ask the lawyer what % of their cases were child custody cases & what % of the cases came out in favor of the person they were hired by. I pray you are in a state that is fare to all. Oh yea I have spent over 3 grand. But some states will help you with the cost if you're low income. We only told about things that were in the records. ie police reports, med records & such. Remember do it for the kids.

Answer 5

I don't know whether you are in the UK or US but as a UK person I would be wondering why you think the mother of your children should not have main access with you having a shared role e.g. weekends or nights in the week?

From an academic and psychological/emotional point of view the most important thing for your children is that you and your divorcing wife have good relations. The legal language used can seem antagonistic e.g. custody (this can mean majority care).

Me and the father of my child (when separating) took initial legal advice and then following their suggestion to be as amicable as possible drafted an agreement by ourselves signed it and took it to our solicitors where it has sat for a number of years. It was left there on the basis that if either of us started creating problems then that was a document that could be brought before a judge and would have weight.

As it was - as we both love our daughter, and both had the greatest respect for each other, we had an amicable split and still holiday together as a family once a year.

We always both agreed that to have any dislike for your other half who created your child is like hating your child.

My advice to you is to always show legally speaking, to your ex and especially in front of your children the greatest respect. Never allow yourself to be provoked. You may think short term that retaliating it works - but all my experience of life it never does. It gives your ex or other parties the ability to use any bad behaviour as a weapon against you.

I beleive that the reason some fathers appear to do badly in "custody" cases is that they have got angry and reacted in the legal process. What bad sign is that for any parent to do to children.

As an additional point to you - I grew up with a father who was absent for months on end all my childhood due to his work. I had and still have a brilliant relationship with him and as a kid he was always my favourite. Never think absence means less love.

I hope that helps your rationalise. All the best.
-------------------------

If you are trying to keep positive I would ignore some of the inflammatory remarks by other contributors. Neither I nor the people answering know your history and what may have occurred by either party - and I am not here to judge. But they prove my point that people very quickly jump on the "angry" "judgemental" band wagon instead of the more rational route.

Answer 6

oh yeah I am familiar with THIS problem all right.

She will GET custody. it is very very unusual for the father to get custody. The feelings of the children are also taken into account, though.

Best stay cool, and be reasonable. You don;t want to come across as some "controlling dad" who is just using the children as some sort of way to emotionally control your ex-wife.

Just try to stay friends with as many people as possible because when it's all over you still want to be on speaking terms.

The key to it all is to be reasonable and to think whats best for the children.

Answer 7

great! have ur own with another woman. LOL

this is the trouble that usually happens. Who is at fault? If ur wife has been a dedicated wife to u and the kids then maybe u can award her the kids because if you were to blame u will make ur children's life miserable. No other woman would really care of the kids not her own. Just a arrange a scheduled visit with ur ex wife if ever. If ur wife has been unfaithful.. well how do u know the kids are urs??

Answer 8

You don't mention how old your kids are and whether or not they are old enough to understand what is happening. Breakups and divorce are hard enough to handle for everybody concerned, but unless your other half can be prooved as an unfit mother, the court tends to rule towards the mother. But what ever you do, be careful because if you tried to proove this, your kids won't thank you for it. From my experience, kids hate confrontations. The best thing you can do, is try and be strong, not only for youself but for your children, even when you're feeling low. Be there when they need you. Show them that despite you and your wife divorcing you are NOT divorcing them. When it's easier for you all, try and show them that you can still be civil towards your ex, work our regular access to your kids, and stick to it. Don't ever use the kids as an excuse to get back at your ex and she shouldn't do that to you either. Good luck to you, and I hope it all sorts itself out to the benefit of you all

Answer 9

First and foremost, decide what is in the best interest for the children and follow through with whatever legalities necessary. Set up an appointment with your local mediator if you and your wife cannot agree to a set time and date for drop off and pick-up times, not to mention days of visitation. Be sure that after the order is set that you write down date and times of pick-up and drop-off because if either of you fail to adhere to the order for a set amount of time then you can go back to court to change the agreement, but remember that she can do the same to you. Good luck.

Answer 10

when i was a child, my father was a worthless peice i say this because i watched my dad abuse my mom, and heard him everyday yelling and screaming, well he decided he would be smart and go to fathers equal rights. They helped him alot but in the process it pulled me back in forth in the courts even tho after his abuse i didnt want to see him again..you only take so much in your life and your done..and so i dont think this is the case with you but please do not make the divorce ugly and please do not make it hard on the child, you and your wife must remember its not about yall but the kids it will be the worse on them..

I have missed having a dad, i do not regret my choices even today because he wouldnt have stopped..but i wished i would have had a dad, the closest thing i had to one was my grandfather who always loved me no matter what..and i lost him when i was 11..

Please think of the children..and please make sure the people in the court understand that the kids need both parents because all kids do..we learn from our parents..and maybe hopefully you and your wife after the divorce and time away can become friends because thats what happen to me and my ex..and i am remarried...