Does this mean he is xtra guilty?

Question

As I have done in the past, I am once again accusing him of cheating. There is no evidence that he has ever or is now being less than faithful. My accusations are based entirly on my own insecurities and unfounded suspicions. He is now as he has been in the past angered and offended at the accusations. Many of you helpful answerers have told me that his anger at my alligations toward him are a sign of guilt. If he is now at his wits end and so angry with my blowing this (basically nothing) way out of proportion, that is within a fraction of an inch of dumping me, does that mean he is extra guilty this time ? Or is he just sick and tired of the same old twisted sh...it ?

Answer 1

When I read your question I actually gasped. My husband does this to me. He is constantly accusing me of cheating, planning on cheating, or just thinking about it. It's been years of the same crap and I can't take it anymore. Think about what you're "saying" to him. What kind of man are you implying that he is? Do you really think that little of him that you would accuse him of something that he has not done?
If you love him, at all, stop. You are single handedly going to end your marriage. My husband has insecurity issues (as you yourself have admitted to) and all the accusations and implications as to his unfaithfulness stem from your inability to think that you are good enough for him, that he would actually want to be with you.
He married you, you've been together this long, and he's put up with everything you've thrown at him. I think it's safe to say, that he loves you, and if he were cheating on you, he would have left you a long time ago.
From his point, it hurts, a lot, to know that the person you love and have chosen above all others, thinks you would ever cheat on them.
Stop now, before it's too late...save him, yourself, and your marriage. It's worth it don't you think?

~T~

Answer 2

Has you husband quit beating you? Its the same kind of allegation. You say yes it implies he used to beat you. You say no it says you are still getting beaten. This is a fallacy in logic. So is the argument that he is angry because of guilt. The people who believe that he is angry due to guilt have apparently never been outraged at being accused of, say shoplifting when they did nothing of the sort. How would you like to be accused of shoplifting weekly for a year. You knew going into this that he was upset with you for baseless accusations. Why would you then listen to a bunch of kids with little life experience and go accuse him more. You are lucky to still have a husband. If you have no other reason for doubting him other than a suspicion, to continue is to poison what is left of your marriage. You had better have a good talk with the person in the mirror and figure out where this is coming from while you still have a chance to save your marriage. You could start with a big apology to your husband and ask his forgiveness for your lack of trust. That is what this is about, a total lack of trust on your part. As for the he's guilty crowd, their advice didn't help much did it?

Answer 3

Anger at being falsely accused is not a sign of guilt. If you continually accuse him of cheating when there is no evidence, then he's right to be upset -- and he would be perfectly justified in finding someone more trusting.

There is also the possibility that your accusations could become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Your man might very well give in to the temptation to do the crime, since he's already doing the time. And if he did, you would be partly to blame (not wholely to blame, as it would still be his choice to cheat). I've been in that position myself; I once dated a woman who repeatedly accused me of cheating (which I wasn't). Right about the time I started to get fed up with it, another woman comes along and starts making overtures to me. I remained faithful, but it was work, let me tell you.

Bottom line: give your man the respect that he is due, and judge him by his track record rather than your insecurities. Either stop the accusations or come up with some proof. If you fail to do this your next question for the group is likely to be about how to get over it when your bf breaks up with you.

Answer 4

He's just sick and tired of putting up with your crap! I would be damn angry is someone was always accusing me of something I didn't do!!! My attitude would be that I dont' want to be with someone who thinks so little of me and I would expect someone who claims to love me to have a better idea of who I am than that! No way I would put up with it! I would have dumped you a long time ago. You freely admit this is YOUR problem and YOUR issue so why do you expect him to put up with it? Go now and apologize and first thing Monday morning call a therapist and get yourself some help, not only is it the only hope you have of saving this relationship its the only hope you have of ever having a relationship at all. You will be the same way no matter what guy you are with and most of them wouldn't have put up with your crap this long.

It also sounds like you are misunderstanding what trust is all about, as so many people do. Trust is NOT about someone else, trust is about you and trusting yourself to be able to handle whatever comes up. You can't ever control anyone elses actions, not for a minute and certainly not for a lifetime, the only control you have is over you and what you do about it. People don't come with pink slips and are always free to make their own choices, even if they are married, which makes it 'wrong' but they can still do it. The only thing you can do is to make sure that being with you is a good choice, and right now its not. You can worry about something that may or may not happen everyday, you can make yourself sick over it and drive away people that are trying to care for you with it but it doesn't change anything! And in fact will probably only encourage him to cheat. If you make someone constantly feel bad about who they are, you constantly let them know that no matter how long they stick by you and how much they do to try to help you there is no point at which you ever stop your accusations they will feel worthless and not care about letting you down. How long would you continue to try to please someone that was never happy with anything you did? Not very. If you don't get some help you are going to live a lonely and miserable life, you will be someone that brings nothing but unhappiness to the lives of anyone you meet...is that what you want to be? If not get yourself some help!

Answer 5

My ex husband was constantly accusing me of cheating, and I never did. Up until the day of our divorce, he accused me and if I even looked at a man accidentally on the street it meant that I wanted to sleep with him. Well it did piss me off, and I was NOT guilty. I had nor would I have ever cheated on him. In the end, I found out that he had been cheating on me and ran off with my best friend, but if that would not have happened, I would have dumped him for him accusing me all the time. It really gets old and in most cases, the person doing the accusing is either cheating, or has had thoughts of cheating...

Answer 6

No, he's not extra guilty. He's just very sick and tired of you constantly accusing him of cheating based on nothing. You're essentially telling him (indirectly) that he's not a good enough person to trust on anything. I don't know who told you that he's guilty but the way I see it, someone who's constantly being accused of cheating without any basis for the accusations will eventually get very angry and resentful. The problem is you, not him. You're projecting your OWN fears and your OWN insecurities on to him. My dad used to always tell me that "what you think is not always what it is". Learn the difference between "what you perceive" and "reality".

Answer 7

YOU NEED COUNSELING.

How you would feel if you were constantly being accused of doing something wrong that you WEREN'T DOING.

You said it yourself that you have no evidence and the accusations are based on your insecurities. That's p[retty shitty. GO SEE A THERAPIST and get back the self esteem you deserve and stop accusing your man of things that aren't true!

If I was in his shoes, I'd be pretty mad too. Not only are you accusing him of being a cheater, but a liar as well, and that would have me pretty steamed....mad enough that I might break off the relationship.

Answer 8

My husband is the same way-he could possibly be tired of being under suspicion all the time-Has he cheated before? mine has so I think I am more than justified in feeling the way I feel sometimes.

Answer 9

no he's not guilty or he would have dumped you by now if he didn't didn't love you he wouldn't put up with it. However everyone does have limits they can be pushed and he wants to leave you now because you are never going to trust him anyways so whats the point for him to stay. YOU CAN'T HAVE LOVE WITHOUT TRUST AND YOU CANNOT TRUST WITHOUT LOVE. My friend does the exact same thing to her man and he would hide little things he did because he didn't want to deal with her freaking out. I was friends with him before I was friends with her and he wouldn't tell her when just me and him would hang out just because he knew she would freak out.and we weren't doing anything ,but having luch and walking in the park. But he said she would she that as a "date" because it was just me and him. She knows now, and me and her are friends. I have helped her not be so paranoid, but because she has freaked out on him the past he still hides stuff from her time to time.This is somthing you have to work on or you are going to lose him.

Answer 10

No...I've heard that when you accuse them over and over, they get so fed up they might leave or cheat since they are already being accused of it.