me and husband living in a 1bedroom w/ our 1 year old daughter not sure what I should do....?

Question

I am a stay at home mom whose 1 year old daughter doesn't have her own room. I have been looking for a job but haven't had any luck. We are barely making it as is and our daughter deserves better. My husband is trying to get a job with a phone company and 2 people who work with that company said it could take 6 months to a year before he got hired. He would get paid alot better if he got the job. At his current job he could possible be promoted to manager but don't even know if that is going to happen. I am at a total loss on what to do...should I leave to go to a place where daughter can have better or stick it out for richer or poorer?

Answer 1

First of all, you stick it our for richer or for poorer, as long as you're not in an abuse situation. Try your county building for posted jobs, try the City Hall (if you have one), for posted jobs. Don't add pressure to your situation by thinking of leaving your marriage. I hate to tell you this but, you should have thought of the cost before deciding to get pregnant. Make the best of what you have, a beautiful daughter, a husband who is doing his best, and a roof over your head (instead of living in a relative's basement or attic).

If you're having issues with intimacy or privacy, have fun mini-sessions in the bathroom while she's sleeping. The both of you have to continue to provide moral support to each other. Life is not a fairy tale. Children are not toys or novelties. They are people who are strongly influenced by their environment. Be careful of the stress level you have around her. I know it's easier said than done, but you are going to have to work hard to focus on the joys in your life. Your blessings will come before you know it.

A little advise for your husband. Stop listening to what "other" people say about a job situation. Go straight to the source. They might even be impressed by his consistency in checking on the status of his application. Aside from that, maybe the two of you can work out a schedule where you can work a few hours a day, while he's home to cut daycare costs. Every little bit helps. If you are stressed out when you are applying for jobs, it's going to show. Your responses might not be what the potential employer is prepared to deal with. Keep a mirror handy and practice smiling until you're ready. You will be amazed at how well it works.

Answer 2

Jesus christ, I'm reading your question and reading the answers and I feel as if this was my life about 6 months ago. My son was 7 months old at them time my wife left for these exact reasons that you mention. My wife and I agreed I could leave my job to pursue a better job so I could provide us with a better life. It only took me 3 months to go from a job making $40,000 and working 7 days a week(75 hours) to a job making $90,000 5 days a week(40 hours). But she could not handle it an so she left. Her family came into my home and took my family away from me because she freaked out from the stress. Now we are getting a divorce.
If my wife had only listened to me(her husband) and not her mother and aunt we would be in a great situation to start house hunting. Instead the money is going to our lawyers. This is an extreme case, but there is alittle more to this story about how she and her family treated me.

Do not leave. Things get better. You are only going through a temporary struggle right now which most new parents go through. For better or for worse, Richer or for poorer.

Answer 3

I believe if a relationship is healthy and happy, that you can survive anything together. You didn't mention having a troubled marriage because that's a whole different story.
It is one thing to deal with stuff on your own, it's harder when you have a child. If he's really trying the best he can. Than support him the best you can. If he is holding onto a pipe dream of this promotion then talk to him.
You child is young and won't remember these rough times. By the time she is things should be better. Like I said you can live in a hole in the ground. It's not your surroundings. It your child growing up with parents that love one another.

Answer 4

stick it out! u cant just leave the husband cuz things arent working right now, all marriages have this point i dont care who u are when ends arent meeting and ud rather marry a cartoon character so long as he had money.....u guys are trying and trust me it will all come together some day and u will look back and go oh wow that really sucked but we got through it! maybe u can find a relative or friend to live with for a little while.....good luck.

Answer 5

Since you wrote the words "husband", remember your marriage vows. What kind of supportive wife would you be if you left when he is trying to get ahead in the job market. Don't abandon him and make it worse. Show him how confident you are in his abilities and reassure him. All you are doing is focusing on the wrong thing. Enjoy the fact that you are making it. Even if it is "barely". When your daughter gets older you will be able (or have) to give her "more space".

Answer 6

Because both you and your hubby are tyring to find better jobs to help better your lives, you should stick it out. From what you wrote, it doesn't seem to have anything to do with falling out of love or an abusive relationship. Have you looked into doing temp work to start out with, and then after getting at least a years experience, find a job in secretarial position?

Answer 7

In many cultures your problem is not a problem at all. Separate rooms for children is not a universal custom. The reason I say this is because I personally have studied other culture's child rearing practices and find we can learn much from other perspectives.

I have a three year old daughter and we sleep in the same room, because of living arrangements as well as personal preference. I really do not understand the practice of putting a baby or small child in a room by themselves at all. People say it is to toughen them up and get them used to it and I say boy that sounds rough when life is rough enough. Shouldn't they have a foundation of safety warmth and security to build on as opposed to a toughening up from infancy? My daughter wakes up on occasion from nightmares and I am so glad that I am right there to ease her fears and comfort her right away.

Even the Amish, who you would think would be quite tough, keep their little ones in the room with them. They also keep them close by at all times. They do not follow strict routines, but feed the children when they are hungry, and punish after both parents have discussed it. There is much we can learn from expanding our horizons on the parenting issue.
It is awesome that you want the best for your daughter, and right now she is getting it by being close to her loving mommy.

Also let me say, as a single mother, that your situation is more ideal than you might think. There are many that have it much better than you and many who have it much worse. Alot of single moms are working two jobs and never get to be with their kids.

American culture is so obessed with monetary success that you even question your marriage vows because of it. (I know you are only thinking of what's best for your daughter) Don't get sold the "American Ideal" they show on TV. Life is really not so picture perfect. It bothers me too, not to live that perfect life, but this is reality.

Answer 8

your daughter is young enough to stay in your room until she gets older.......just try to think positive..everything will be okay.....you can always put temporary hide a bed in the living room when she gets older..... many people stays in one bed and they are fine....stay home and enjoy your daughter and stop worrying too much at least you have a roof over your head!

go outside and relax and take your daughter to the park everything
will be okay.

JUST BE LUCKY YOUR HUSBAND GOT A JOB..don't worry about an extra room right now.......you have each other and that counts.

Answer 9

Things will get better if you prepare for them to by getting a job and earning some outside income too.

Sharing a room is not the worst thing in the world unless you are not comfortable with it.

Nothing changes unless we do.

Answer 10

Your daughter has no idea what it means to have her own bedroom and why would she?

Being close to you is what's more important to her and how she is treated and loved and cared for.

Young couples may have many sacrifices in the beginning...think ahead 10=20 years...you're in a bigger house with lots of stuff separating you and your loved ones....you'll look back and remember a simpler but close bond.