No sex before marriage = guarentee happily ever after marriage?

Question

When i first decided it was a good plan and God's plan, to wait for sex till marriage one of my ideas was that if i waited, i would have a happily ever after marriage and everything would always be fine. I thought my wife would never be able to yell at me saying "you never loved me..it was always about the sex" like i heard in my own household a few times.

But...I think i wasn't being rational with my earlier thinking. There still will be fights and even a possible divorce, even if sex is waited for. I think just because we overcame one temptation doesn't mean everything will be fine always.
So..can i have some new positive light on why one still should wait? Will the marriage be at all better if the couple did wait?

Answer 1

when i first told my parents at 18 yrs old that i wanted to move in with my boyfriend. i was afraid that they would think we were having sex (and we were not, yet). i had planned on marrying this man.the first thhing that my mom said to me was,"you have to test drive a car before buying it right?" and she is totally right. it was when we began having sex after moving in together, that i found out that we were just not compatable sexually. also,
who really has sex on their wedding night? my husband and i were so damn tired after a year of planning and anticipation for the big day, i fell asleep in my wedding dress and him in his tuxedo pants still.
just b/c u overcame the temtation, that is not a gauge for how you will deal with martial issues in the future. besides, doesn't it seem like jessica simpson maybe wanted to experience more after she and nick waited? what if she then wondered what she was missing with the other guys....i would freak out if i got married and then thought about being with only one man (in my life) for the rest of eternity. i think it's sweet to wait, but now i know what i like and don't like sexually and i am satisfied with knowing i've been there done that with a few others and i am happy with the sex my husband and i have and i don't feel like straying.
good luck with that.

Answer 2

Well, looking at it with a religious viewpoint, (i am a Muslim)i would say, yes its absolutely correct to wait to have sex till you are married.
Having said that, a happy marriage is not guaranteed, sex before marriage or not. There are no guarantees in life anyway. But generally its seen that before entering into a marriage contract(it is a legal contract)one has to see to many things. Compatibility(mental)is one element. There like are so many others, social, cultural, educational and so on.You have to decide if u like the person well enough to want to spend the rest of ur life with.Or better still, if shes the one u cant imagine ur life to be without. We all have a different yardstick, when choosing our life partners. You would know what is yours.
Your decision not to have sex is based on what u grew up with. You heard that in ur household so u thought going in the opposite direction would work! Thats not always true.
Whatever your reasons to choose your lifepartner, make sure you love her. That should be the basis and u cant go wrong in that!

Answer 3

Sorry, with marriage, there are just no guarantees. Whether you abstain from sex or she wears something old, new, borrowed and blue...it's all superstition.

The reasoning behind waiting to have sex until marriage has nothing to do with a "guarantee" of living "happily ever after". There are lots of reasons and in the past when this was rigidly enforced and in the places where it is still enforced today, it rarely was intended that the male would remain chaste - just the female.

If your faith is very important to you, do not rush into something that you cannot undo that may leave you feeling very guilty and ultimately ruin your relationship. Speak to your clergy member, think hard about it (when you are not "in the moment"), talk with your significant other, and if you feel it helps, pray on it.

It is very important that you come to peace and comfort with whatever decision you make.

Answer 4

That's a hard question to answer, b/c I am not a virgin. OK I myself am engaged to be married to a wonderful man, but we have had sex and I know that's not the only reason that he loves me or wants to be with me. I wish I could tell you all of the reasons why you should wait until you get married, but I can't. In the Bible it does state that you should wait until you are married so I can agree with you, but I told a friend of mine (who is also waiting until she gets married) that sex is WONDERFUL AND GREAT, but the most wonderful feeling of it all is to have someone who LOVES you and feels the same as you do. In other words sex is great but it's even greater when it's shared be two people who are in love with each other; there is no feeling like it. So no I am not telling you to have sex, I am just telling you if you don't feel that 'special something' for that person then maybe you should wait for the person that you feel that way about.

Answer 5

First, take your God's plan out of the picture. The information in the book was written down by people who were trying to maintain succession and property rights. The Catholic vows of celibacy were created so the church would not lose property to a heir. It meant that any children sired, and there were plenty, were bastards with no right to succession. I digress. If you believe that virginity is the way to go then its up to you. Experience tells me otherwise. Marriage requires a high level of togetherness and intimacy . Sex is the pinnacle of intimacy and far more so with women. If you are willing to forge into a marriage and not know if you can successfully get there then I think you may be in for an unpleasant surprise. However cliche the test drive theory is appropriate. Its best to remember that the people who wrote the rules down 2000 years ago are the same type who came up with circumcision, female castration and flying planes into buildings for 72 virgins.

Answer 6

Whether you wait or not has no bearing on the success of the marriage in and of itself. Indeed the success or failure of a marriage has almost NOTHING to do with sex!

A physical act should not be allowed to determine the fate of a relationship...However, the motive/intent BEHIND the act is where the success or failure lies.

If you are saving the beauty of a first experience as a gift for your new husband or wife, then I think that's a beautiful thing. The intentions behind that are very good. You're waiting because you want to, not because you have to, and you're enjoying that build-up of anticipation.

If, however, you are merely "saving yourself for marriage" because that's what you've been told is right and proper, without understanding why, then you're likely in for a mighty big disappointment. First-time sex isn't always the mind-bending religious experience we built it up in our minds to be. It can be awkward and clumsy...sometimes painful if you're a woman. Messy. And probably 99 virginity-losses out of 100, vaguely disappointing. But it was still fun enough that we wanted to try again. ;)

There is no magic formula. There is no get-happily-ever-after-quick scheme. People keep searching outside of themselves for the answers to questions like this one. They yearn to know how to make their marriages work. Meanwhile, they already know the answers; the secret lies within each of us. We each have the ability to love unconditionally, and that is VITAL to a marriage's survival.

Two simple ingredients:
1) Self-respect.
2) Selfless love.

First you need to love and respect yourself enough to not put up with anyone's BS. Demand fairness and equal treatment. A relationship where one person is being abused in any way, disrespected, or taken for granted is an unequal relationship, and is unacceptably unfair. It is unbalanced.

Secondly, you need to love the other person without expecting them to love you back. If you expect love in return, it's not real love. Real love exists solely for the benefit of the person for whom the love is intended. The joy that the giver feels is the result of knowing that he or she has improved the life of the receiver...even just a little...just by being in his or her life. This brings feelings of self-worth, and meaning to our lives.

When the object of your love understands the enormity of the gift they've received from you - no strings attached! - they'll want to give you the same gift in kind. After all, does this not make you a person worthy of being loved?

Yes, arguments and rough patches will still happen, but if you keep your eyes on this sacred knot that you've bound between you, problems will appear smaller and more manageable. And suddenly you're no longer afraid of growing old. Suddenly you realize just how short life really is, because you want to spend every moment of your life with this person...and there aren't enough days left in your lifetime to fully express the love you feel for him or her.

Answer 7

I think you are totally right to wait until marriage. That is clearly God's plan for marriage. I have only been with two people both ex-husbands but I wish I could say I waited until I was married. Sex is God's special gift for marriage. If both of you truly want to put the other person first and please each other sex should not be a problem after marriage. Remember nothing two married people do with each other in the marriage is wrong. God wants married people to enjoy sex with each other. It is something special for them to share and is a bond for them.

Answer 8

Ryan you are exactly right. I waited until I was 30. However our expectations are so different we have friction often.
Why wait? Well, other than it is God's best, it prevents you from comparing your wife to others by the sexual experiences you had. Also it will prevent diseases.
Another shocking revelation is that technically from studying the Bible in original language, a person is considered married in eternity's view when they have intercourse. They become one.
Now if you are asking about the reason to wait concerning the one you are sure you will marry, it's all about love, not lust. And love is patient (1 corinthians 13).
I wish i had the foresight theat you do when i was your age.
The best thing I can tell you is to recognize the presence of God's Spirit when you are with women. Ask yourself "would this action, done in full view of the Lord, please Him"?
So treat each woman like a daughter of heaven. They just might be someone else's future wife- and you don''t want to taint her future relationship.

Answer 9

well i am married and have been with my husband for eight years i had to children before we meet so of course i had already had sex my prviouse marriage didn't work and i had sex when i was 16teen not a good childhood either. but still ther is probablems in every relationship sex does not define a marriage or relationship it is part of one. if your wife or future with wants to wate then sure if you love her than you would want to also but if you are both ready to take that step and you eally love each other than it's okay. and to be honest all of the bad relationships i have had i wish that i would have waited on the man that i am married to now because it would have been increidble to share that with him. but ther are struggles in every marraige but if you to love each other than you will get through it marriage is something that you have to work at hope that you have a happy life with your wife

Answer 10

I think sex is great when you love someone, if you love her then it is ok. you intend to marry her anyway right? So whats the big deal. how will you know if you are sexually compatible? Some people are just not!! You should at least do it once to find out. and then "renew" your no sex policy until after the wedding