I have been married for 22 years. My husband has never had a strong sex drive, but I have. We have gone as long as 2 years without sex, but generally have it only twice a year. When we do, it is incredible. HE is very sensitive to my needs and I adore every part of him. IT just isn't as important to him as it is to me. I have made it through these past 20+ years with self gratification and self denial. The other night, I found myself out on the town, alone, and I met a man. I was so strongly attracted to him and he to me. HE walked me to my car and kissed me. IT is funny, but at first, I really felt nothing. Then I thought about the last time I had ben kissed like that and I honestly couldn't remember. When I kiss my husband, he turns his lips to the side as if he is kissing a frog or something...Anyway, all this was going through my mind when I realized just how much I love kissing. Real kissing. I kissed him back and the passion started. After some fondling, we had to break it off as we both had to get home to our spouses. I can't stop thinking about this man. I never realized just how much I need that kind of touch.
2006-08-19 09:05:22 · 44 answers · asked by WannaCheat 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No. Cheating is never OK. You took wedding vows for a reason and you should either stick with them or get a divorce and move on. I understand you are not happy with your current situation but be fair to your husband. He doesn't deserve to be cheated on.
2006-08-19 09:13:39 · answer #1 · answered by Tara P 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You have all my sympathy.
You don't need anyone here to tell you that cheating is wrong...etc.
It also isn't easy to leave a marriage, especially after 22 years.
I don't think there is a right or a wrong solution to this problem, there's only YOUR solution...
whatever the solution may be, that you happen to come up with to resolve these problems. Your desires are perfectly normal. What is not normal is having to constantly subjugate them or use
self-gratification. Part of marriage is the intimacy that is created between a couple when they have sex, and you really don't have that. So, it's very understandable how you found yourself in that situation. To be honest, given your circumstances, it's surprising it didn't happen sooner.
Should you decide to cheat, do yourself a big favor... don't tell anyone and especially don't tell your husband. There's really nothing to be gained from him knowing.
Good Luck~*
2006-08-19 09:32:08 · answer #2 · answered by DG 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you and your husband need some professional help. there has to be a reason he doesn't want to have sex with you, maybe he's cheating. You need to talk to him and let him know that you are not be fulfilled. If it comes down to it, maybe you would be better off without him. Cheating is never an answer. It only adds to the already existing problem. After 22 years, you deserve a chance to fix your marriage.
2006-08-19 09:44:38 · answer #3 · answered by lexicam 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, tough question, the obvious answer is no of course you shouldn't cheat on your husband. The obvious question is have you talked to him about his complete lack of sex drive? I mean 20 years and you didn't think to do anything about it before now? Twice a year isn't a low sex drive, I think that is considered dead for most men. Seriously abnormal. I really don't know what to say, I can't fathom why you put up with it this long and not knowing what his excuse is for not boinking his wife makes it hard to say. Personally I wouldn't have put up with it for 20 years and I wouldn't be willing to live a life that deprived if sex was something that was important to me. Now, in your case the other guy is married too and that is also something you need to consider. If it was just about your twice a year man that would be different. On that issue you need to decide who you want to be.
2006-08-19 09:16:01 · answer #4 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My wife is the same as your husband, and we have been married 27 years. My advice to you, how would you feel if your husband ever found out you had, or were having an affair - would it be the end of your marriage, and if so, how would you feel? if the answer is devastated, than don't do it - if you don't care, then do the decent thing and leave him. It all depends on how much you really care for your husband...
True love beats casual sex any day of the week
2006-08-19 09:19:54 · answer #5 · answered by gary 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been where you are. My ex-husband I would only have sex on special occasions. We would go months without even kissing. I tried talking to him. We even tried counseling and it worked for a short time but eventually everything went back to the way it was. I wouldn't cheat on him even though I had opportunities, so we divorced after 13 1/2 years.
I am now married to a wonderful man who has a sex drive that puts mine to shame. It is so much better.
2006-08-19 09:17:31 · answer #6 · answered by I love my husband 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it only felt that way to kiss a stranger because the butterflies are gone after 22 yrs. didn't u feel that way when u first met ur own hubby? the passion, the butterflies...once u cheat, that feeling with the other man will ware of too. i do think that u need to be honest with ur man about how u feel. sex with yourself is only fun so many times. i think a kiss can convey more passion and love and closeness than even having sex can sometimes. it's hard when u r not getting sex at all (and 2x a yr is not even barely that) u long for the great sex u do have when u have it. but i think u are really wanting that closeness. my husband isn't a big kisser either and sometimes i just want to sit on the couch and make out with him w/o going further.....it makes me feel so sexy and good.
good luck with that.
cheat if ur heart isn't in it anymore. but know that u will always live with ur desision to stray.
2006-08-19 09:33:59 · answer #7 · answered by km 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How sad.
You need to tell your husband what happened and how close you came to cheating. He needs to know how you are feeling and how much it would mean to you to feel that way again.
If he loves you, he will do everything he can to make you happy and not stray. Maybe he does not realize how important these things are to you or even how you feel.
If you feel this would not accomplish anything, you may want to have a one-night stand to remember how wonderful that can feel. But nothing beyond that - the memory will have to be enough.
2006-08-19 09:21:38 · answer #8 · answered by mrpeabody 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you and your husband should sit down and go over what is important in your relationship - cheating is just the result of a bigger problem - if you do not want to be married anymore, you have to tell him - why is it that you guys don't have more sex? 2x's a year? something if definately wrong there - do you think he has someone on the side? how can a man go 2 years without getting any anywhere?
2006-08-19 09:13:16 · answer #9 · answered by Big Buddy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Betrayal is never a good thing of trust of vows, etc I urge you through counseling reading or just common sense work to improve what you have. There must be a way to achieve something where you are both happy, or at least content. Can you imagine the hurt and destruction this type of behavior may cause. Even if you are never caught, it will forever change the nature of your marriage. How would it be if he decided to start spending time with a woman because she has a softer sex drive than yours.
2006-08-19 09:25:26 · answer #10 · answered by foxyraley 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what is the point
leave him but don't cheat on him 22 years is a long time so why hurt him by cheating OK i no you have not had sex get some sex toys or something if you don't want to leave him
but please think before leaping into something you may regret
you sound a strong woman i am sure you will do the right thing
good luck in what ever you decide
respect
shaz
2006-08-19 09:20:14 · answer #11 · answered by sharon B 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋