My fiance of 8 months told me that he doesnt want to go through the with the marriage and he loves me, he just doesn't knwo if he's in love with me. a day before this we were picking out wedding songs and dancing aroudn the kitchen together. His dad passed away 3 years ago, and he's never really dealt with that. He 's been depressed and cant see it. He is very unhappy and bbecause of that I feel as if he can't be hapy with me..what do i do? I pacekd a bag and went home for a week...and im waiting on him to call me!
2006-08-19 08:57:48 · 38 answers · asked by theprncess1019 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just move on. Good luck.
2006-08-19 09:01:09 · answer #1 · answered by doc 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He asked you to marry him and then backed out when it got a little too close? He's not ready, and you may want to work on beginning the grieving process so that you can later be receptive to a man who KNOWS what he wants, and that what he wants is you.
This guy's unhappiness is not because of you, but because he has not allowed himself to deal with the grief of his father's passing. Not saying this is his only problem; just letting you know that a person's happiness or unhappiness comes from within, and is not determined by what other people do or don't do. He may be suffering from depression, but again, it's not because of you.
2006-08-19 09:06:41 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I hope you give him time. Lots of time. After my mother died ( I was 24) I went through a lot of changes - mostly about my view of men and relationships. It was a time in my life that I really needed to explore my feelings and I came out of it with a maturity I may not otherwise have experienced. I had been married the same year my mother died and my husband hung in there with me and my craziness. All I can suggest is that you be there for him, but don't hover too much. This is a journey he needs to take alone sometimes. I would suggest that both of you read the book "When Parents Die" by Edward Myers. Enlightening.
2006-08-19 09:16:03 · answer #3 · answered by WannaCheat 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I hope he doesn't call. This guy is not right for you. Whether it's because he's in a bad place, or he just realized you're not the girl for him, you should consider yourself lucky he was honest with you. He could have overlooked his feelings of doubt and married you...only to cause you heartbreak years later.
Who wants to marry someone who's unsure of whether they are in love with you or not?
Trust me, there is a guy out there who will fall hard in love with you and never waiver in his feelings. Move on, work on being a woman worthy of a man like that, and he'll find you. For starters, don't let your self-esteem be so low that you're waiting by the phone for a guy that just dumped you.
2006-08-19 09:08:21 · answer #4 · answered by gurugirl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The one thing you definitely, absolutely don't do is marry him. Life is way too long to get in to something without being absolutely sure its what you want. You should start by being grateful that he didn't wait until after the wedding to let you know he didn't want to be married, we actually see a lot of questions here that go something like we've been married a couple months and now he says he doesn't want to be married. I don't think this is about his dad, I think its about he doesn't want to be married right now, don't try to change his mind or talk him in to it, you WILL regret it later and everything that goes wrong will be your fault, and he'll be sure to remind you of that frequently. I understand this hurts, but this is definitely one of those situations where you have to consider the big picture. Do you really want to be married to someone who you know doesn't want to be married to you just for the sake of being married? Thats really not what marriage is about, it shouldn't be about a wedding, it should be about the lifetime to come after the wedding and it sounds like your bf thought about that and decided he wasn't ready yet.
2006-08-19 09:07:22 · answer #5 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Knowing what I know now, I would not give up. My hubby has never dealt with his dad's death and that was 6 years ago, then his mother died last year and he had an affair recently....men really are the weaker sex when they don't/can't deal with stuff, but it's not really their fault, it's the peer pressure and not being able to be seen as weak for giving in to their emotions.
He may come to his sensed and call you, but whatever, you need to be the strong one, the grown up, show him that you are willing to support him, but make it clear that you won't wait forever.
2006-08-19 11:06:47 · answer #6 · answered by good tree 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Looks like he got problems to sort out. Like you said he never got over his dad death. But that no excuse to cancel the wedding. The good bit is it better to happened now rather been few months into the marriage. Just count you blessing that it happened now. But you said he hasn't even bothered to call you.
Been honest here dump the man and move on with your life.
2006-08-19 09:06:02 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
When someone is suffering from depression they routinely try to push aside the people who are really important to them, it's a spiral of depression and self doubt. If you wait for him to call he possibly wont, If it's depression he needs help to shoulder some of those doubts. I'm sure he really wants to marry you as you are important to him, just sounds like he's going through a bad period emotionally. Talk it through and try to get a bit closer so he can try to share some of those thoughts that cause him that pain.
2006-08-19 13:09:43 · answer #8 · answered by Alan B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wish the best for you, but if he says he doesn't want to get married, then do not do it because eventually he will resent you for it. You may be able to see that he is struggling with his fathers death, but you can not try to figure out if that has anything to do with what is going on. Maybe he just needs time to get his head straight. Give him the time, as if it is meant to be it will be. Don't force it or try to convince him otherwise, it will hurt you worse in the long run. Good Luck to you
2006-08-19 09:04:53 · answer #9 · answered by {Lisa} 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is hard for you both. I do believe he loves you however he has issues that he hasn't dealt with. When someone doesn't deal with someone so close to them dieing it has repurcussions. Ur fiance needs to go for some counselling, he needs to face what has happened before he can move on.
2006-08-22 09:40:01 · answer #10 · answered by Julia P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take some time to figure out if he's really what you want. I think you need some time on your own. If it's meant to be after you've had some time apart, then it will happen.
Sounds like he's not the one you should be thinking of marrying right now.
2006-08-19 09:02:39 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋