A lot of you know what happened to me. I never have found the courage to tell my hubby what happened. I needed real advice so I told one of my best guy-friends. Well, he gave me my much needed support and he gave me his helping hand and some good advice. In a few words, he was there for me. Now, he tells me he wants to protect me and be with me for all time. I don't know how to tell him that 1. He is married and should not even be thinking this. 2.I have a hubby that I love. 3.I didn't come to him for a relationship, I came to him for support and advice.
I don't want to loose his friendship, but he makes me feel compromised. I love him sooo much because he gave me what I needed in the time of my need.
He always tells me that if I ask him to, he will hurt (if not kill) the man that hurt me. He even asks me to leave my husband and go with him, that nothing will happen to me and that he will make me happy. I have asked him in numerous ocassions to please refrain himself, but he
2006-08-19 08:38:00 · 34 answers · asked by Magy G 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
continues to do it. I don't want you all to think that I am confused in any way. I know in my heart that I want to be with my hubby. I would never cheat or two-time my hubby. I have asked my friend to please not tell me these things because he will loose my friendship, and still he does it. I don't know if he might be playing with me or what, I just don't want to loose his friendship because he was there for me. What I think that happened was that he got confused when I told him how much I loved him for what he had done for me.
2006-08-19 08:41:20 · update #1
I guess the real question is: HOW CAN I MAKE A FRIEND UNDERSTAND THAT I WILL NOT LEAVE MY HUBBY FOR HIM? HOW CAN I TELL MY FRIEND THAT I DON'T SEE HIM AS A POTENTIAL PARTNER WITHOUT LOOSING HIS FRIENDSHIP? I WOULD ESPECIALLY APPRECIATE GUY'S COMMENTS ON THIS...HOW WOULD YOU GUYS TAKE IT AND WHAT WOULD YOU DO? HOW WOULD YOU REACT? For more background information, read my other questions that sound desperate like..."PLEASE, THIS IS SERIOUS..."
2006-08-19 08:45:31 · update #2
Well off the top you sound like a drama queen. What really is the problem? The initial problem? The one that caused you to ask for help? Sounds to me, and I hope I am wrong here...that you have created quite a situation for yourself and have made it worse by pleading for help. Now you got it and you think he wants somethine when maybe he is only trying to help. You;ve got a long, anxiious, sad tale of woe here and I am quite sceptical and if you can't tell your husband and can't deal with the help of this guy and if it is as awful as you make it out...why have you not gone to the police?
Huh?
2006-08-26 18:00:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Having support time with your friend, now he wants an intercourse with you. He will be your friend upside down, he already knows too much, I believe he wants some extra touch in an emotively way. Not just sex because he loves you, not anther sex toy either.
Your husband is apart, sometime somehow someone will ask to have sex "extramarital" so don't be afraid about your friend, you will receive many/ more proposal during your marital life if you are pretty or not. Value your hubby, your friend, your extra bonus he wants from you by the support he gave you.
Your choice isn't easy, somebody will be hurt ( I bet for your fiend). Take your time but do something you really want to be after your decision...
2006-08-27 07:21:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow, this is a really serious situation. Here's my advice on what you need to do. You need to tell this guy that you want him as a friend but you feel uncomfortable with his "advances". In other words, tell him how you feel and let your husband know that this is happening. Maybe your husband can talk to him also, but not before you do. If your husband talks to him first, it might make your friend feel betrayed and if he's willing to kill for you it wouldn't be a good idea to make him mad.
If the problem persists, tell your friend's wife. She should know what's going on also. Your friend probably mistook your weak moment as a cry for a relationship and I know you don't want to hear this, but he could have quite possibly been waiting for a moment like this to take advantage of you. Whatever you do, make sure you tell your friend how you feel about his behavior. If he's really your friend, then he'll back off.
2006-08-26 13:50:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The only thing you can do is to be honest with him about how you feel. If he cannot respect that, you may not be able to keep him as a friend. If he is someone that you see often, you might try this: anytime he starts to say something "romantic" just get up and walk away. Don't explain, don't respond. Just walk. Eventually he will get the idea. If you are on the phone, just say "I'm hanging up now." then hang up. Again, don't explain and don't respond.
This is a basic behavior modification technique. It generally works well.
Good luck -
2006-08-26 14:18:17 · answer #4 · answered by Gypsy Girl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This sounds serious. First off- you need to outright tell him to his face that no drastic measures need to be taken. If a man is willing to kill another, than there's somethign wrong. especially if he's killing for someone who does not even love him the way he loves you. You need to tell him, in person, alone, (at lunch?) that you do not love him and that you love your husband. If I were you, I would tell my friend that he is wrong and that I know he loves his wife. If he does not take this the right way (aka- goes crazy) then do not speak to him. He needs to understand that what you say is how its going to be. I know he was there for you, and he's a good friend, but I would never want to be friends with someone who would hurt the person I love.
2006-08-24 19:20:00 · answer #5 · answered by RASTAAAA 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think i would suggest telling your friend that you have already chosen your hubby,but you still value his friendship, and always will love him as a friend,however the love you have for him is not the kind of love to throw away your vows. If it doesn't stop,i would suggest that you break off the relationship, i know you don't want to but sometimes we have to do what we don't want to in life, take care and good luck
2006-08-26 17:34:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm going to be blunt, but don't get upset at me for what I'm going to write: Cut off the friendship with this guy ASAP. He See's you as a victim because you portrayed yourself as one. And both of you are giving off sexual signals, that you might not even aware that you are doing it. When another man (other than your husband) says he wants to protect you, what he really is saying is that he wants to posses you as his love toy. If you need advice about your personal problems, seek council from a certified therapist, local pastor, not your "best guy-friends".
This guy is an opportunist, he is letting you use him for advice and a shoulder to cry on, but he wants a lot more from you for all his trouble. Beware!
2006-08-26 02:12:24 · answer #7 · answered by Mama Mia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you know exactly what you need to do. 1. Tell your husband, if you love him you will respect him. 2. Stop or disassociate yourself from this friend for awhile, he sounds dangerous. Can you say fatal attraction? You are worried about losing his friendship....how about losing your husband? You say you love him than show him and don't keep any more secrets from him. See with guys when we hear a friend tell us they love us it can be misleading to us or even confusing, specially if there was any physical contact when you said it. Also you have to ask yourself who you really love more, your husband or your friend, and why are you asking outside males for advice when your husband should be your 1st and best friend for everything? I wish you luck.
2006-08-26 09:53:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are going to have to be blunt, and if that does not work, then he is not a real friend for not respecting your feelings. And if he does not stop the advancements toward you, then you must inform your husband to make have this friendship come to an end.
2006-08-27 07:31:07 · answer #9 · answered by Blue 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
mama mia is correct in every way but one she belie ves this man wants you as a love toy,, tha may not be the case here,, for example my best friends lil sister was getting slapped around by her then bf,, i said nuthing because it was none of my business , until he shoved me,, another freind was being treated like dirt and begged for info i might know about her bf cheating on her i told her it wasnt my place to tell her anything but i wuld be a shoulder if and when she needed i,, the same guy punched her in the back of the while she was pregnant and carrying a2 yr old baby in her arms,, he got an *** whipping he deserved from me,now mama mia will have you beleive that i want the woman as a love toy or some such nonsense,, but truth in fact i am happily married and her only brother is handicapped..not the ridiculous 'handicapable' that people like to name themselves, theres no way he can defend her,,so i did it for him , his lil sis is the lil sister i never had. you want to know how to deal with him,,simple tell him you love him like a brother and never want to lose that feeling,, also his help made your marriage more solid and theres no way you can leave the man you love,, and if he asks you to cheat with him,,explain that if you can cheat with one man why not the next,,and not to push it,,if this fails,,then mam mia is right get away from this man asap
2006-08-26 06:37:52 · answer #10 · answered by kewl69charger 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋