Why can't I be enough? sorry its long?

Question

My husband and I have been married for 2 1/2 years now and since the week after we got married, he let it be know that he loves getting online and chatting up single women-plus he says hes single too! Okay, after we first got married I figured it was a "guy" thing and he wanted reassurance that he still "had it" but now its just getting old. Right now we are having problems getting prego and his job is stressful and we're away from family..but somethings gotta give right? he tells me he loves me all the time-and the sex hasnt been that great but its been hard after we had a miscarrage. lately i seen him acting weirder than normal and checked his email (ok i admit its wrong but i had to know) and hes been chattin up this separated (single) prego woman giving her support and last week she sent him naked pics and last nite they had sex chat. should i be up set? move on? how do i confront him? i feel so taken advantage of..i cook and clean. what should i do? how should i feel? im lost help

Answer 1

Firstly, don't continue to try to get pregnant with this man ... you are setting yourself up for a big let down, and in the end, being a single mom --- (and there is nothing worse than being a single mom, except being a black single mom -- your chances of finding a guy -- a great guy -- willing to take on and raise another man's child is really slim -- trust me on this one). This man is not committed to you nor to your marriage. It takes three things for marriages/strong relationships to work -- respect, admiration, and passion. Toss in the trust. He apparently has none, repeat NONE of these for your or your relationship, and I am thinking when push gets to shove, you have none of these things for him: certainly, you don't trust him, certainly the passion is not there, and how in hell can you admire and respect a guy who gets his jollies talking with other women on line rather than spending time doing things together with you and your friends. I know you hate to admit it, but your relationship with him, and his with you is now reduced to a matter on convenience -- look at it..... This is not the environment that will last much longer, and certainly not one which you would wish to bring a child into. )Children are not a binding force, they are divisive,

How should you feel? Betrayed, used. What should you do? If he is not willing to get your marriage into counseling, you should get out,---- it's called the "IF-THEN" contracat. "If we do not get professional help for our marriage, IF you continue to be addicted to (what amounts to computer-chat-porn) IF this does not stop, THEN I wish out of our marriage." Simple.

You must like to be rated somewhere down around the goldfish if you stay. Was in a similar situation, and bailed. There are too many nice men out there who have their heads on straight for you to waste your lovely self, and your lovely years on an immature baby. Tons of men wish to be a dad and a father, and are trying their best to find a nice lady.... look at the Yahoo Personals, or Match.com add. There are even questions on a site like this, and they as such things as "I am a great guy, nice looking have a super job, all I want to do is find a wife, and be a dad.....What can I do?.........." Good luck. And again, to get pregnant in this unstable marriage is about the last thing you want, hon.

Answer 2

I am a man, I am stimulated by visual things. But, anything that interferes with my marital relationship is a strict no-no, and I know it!

What is wrong with your husband, that he would rather chase a s l u t ? Could he be a sex addict? No, that would mean he would be doing you, and, her!

I sense that he is a control freak, loves the pursuit, but, can't maintain a real relationship! He is 'relationship challenged'! Loves the excitement, flops at sustaining any kind of long term deal!

Anyway, you have the rights, (legal, too!) to prevent him from "squandering of marital property", as everything that belongs to him, is half owned by you! So, you could actually ask a court for, and get, half his computer, and photo collection of naked women!

The purpose? That will embarrass him into realizing how disruptive his behavior actually is, and, I hope he gets some counseling for his problem, as soon as he realizes that his behavior IS a problem!

And, the pregnant woman might be the sucker bait for a gang of thieves! When he goes to meet her, the big man/men, beat him up, mug him, stab or shoot him, take his valuables and car, and, leave him for dead!

That is so common it isn't even reported in the 'news'!

Answer 3

wow, why did he marry you first place... you know marriage mean but he don't!!!!! and I always tells my wife who I talk to women on line making pen pal and I even give my wife my password to everything to website and everything and later she said honey you don't have to give me all the password I TRUST you.. I even told her what happen before someone tells her before me. and She really are happy to let others know that I already know about this and they like wow your husband truly loves you so much.

You already know what he being doing on computer and he not doing very good sex with you and you have the right to find out it like An Eye for An Eye. so you found out that naked picture of her and your husband having sex he not thinking of you he thinking of a woman in the picture. WHOA!!!! that is so sick and wrong. before you do anything just go back on computer and email that woman who send naked picture tell her that he is married to me and I know that you didn't know that I am not blaming you and I am blaming my husband and Now, If that woman want to help you what ever you need to know start talking and then set up the plan... so if she going to meet him and she will have to tell you where and then you show up and see if they did have sex take picture or video and then next day.

Go to lawyer and take care of it asap and then show the video and believe me you won all the way .. now Since you first time Miscarrage he has 2nd though because if you did get pregnate he will know that he can't see other women or whatever it is.. so I am a male and I hear and see guys do that to their wifes allll the times!

So, I know that woman will be shocked and be stright with her that you had to find out if he is cheating on you and found it and you had to email to her and let her know your own email.

I wish you luck and I can't believe this nake picture of a woman and having sex with you not thinking of you just the naked woman. ohhhh, I can't do that to my wife at alll.

If my answer is great give me 10 points if not then I totally understand you might have better answer than my smile.

Answer 4

I'm so sorry to hear about this. i honestly think that you should be very upset. you have been together for 2 and a half years and he is still doing that it seems like its more on the borderline of obsession that he has to be constantly reassured that he as you said "still has it". which i agree that might be it but if it has gone on for this long and he knows it bothers you, there is a reason he hasn't quit.I'm sorry about your miscarriage that could also put him under alot of stress but not go to having online sex because that is just wrong to hurt you like that, the woman he is claiming to love.what he did and what he has been doing is taking you for advantage and something needs to be done about it. you need to confront him but letting him know 1. yes you did go on his e-mail and that was wrong but what you found out was way more wrong then you could ever get and your really hurt. he might try to switch it on you if he is like all the men i know where they would say how could you do this to me , your invading my space, but if not then hopefully he will give you an honest answer of why he did it.then when he tells you sort it out from there. if you feel there is still something there to work out then fix it. if not then leave. i wish you the best of luck take care sweetie everything will get better <3

Answer 5

First of all, it is your husband who has the problem. How important is the Internet in your household? Changing the password to connect or disconnecting the service would be the true test weather he can focus on you and the marriage or show his true colors once he doesn't have access to the Internet. Confront him with your rights as a wife not a victim, give him the choice to grow up and be the man that said "I Do" or show him the front door! No one should be taken advantage of by his / her spouse.
Good Luck & Best Wishes for your future!

Answer 6

it sounds like your husband wants too much, and when i say that i mean he wants other woman. he should not be chatting like that and looking at the naked pics. i would be so furious. i would not put up with it being the good wife that you are. you need someone who will support you. after having a miscarrage that is when you need him the most. he is taking advantage of you. you should tell him to stop because it is either the girls on the internet, or you. you deserve better than that.

Answer 7

A guy caught cheating less than three years into a marriage probably never quit seeing others. Naked pics and cyber sex IS cheating. By no means should you have a child at this time. I doubt this relationship has a future. He'd have to at least totally give up puter use.

Answer 8

Well if he is talking with someone on the internet especially having sex chat, there is definitely something wrong and he has lost his interest in you and he may be cheating on you. Could the prego girl be carrying his baby? I would confront him and then give him a chance to explain and then move on. It sounds like you have lost your trust in him and may never get it back. If you cannot trust you significant other you need to move on.

Answer 9

I'm real sorry to hear this. But do you think he will change? Will you continue to accept his behaviour? Do you feel hurt?The answer lies within you.What do you want out of life? What do you think of yourself? Do you want a man who chats up other women even on the internet? Do you think therapy might help both of you? At the end of the day, "who is thinking about you????" And what happened to his marriage vows, "I promise to be faithful in thought, word and deed?" Deep in your heart, you know the answer to your predicament. You are a beautiful, worthy person, worthy of respect and love. Dont let anyone take that from you. So take the right action. Success!

Answer 10

Women I hate to say this and I am always the one to make peace but leave him. Screw it. After a miscarriage he can do this to u, when your home cleaning, cooking, and giving it to him when he wants it..when he wants it. Forget it there are lots I mean lots of guy who would kill for you. Yeah you should had nip it in the B*TT when it started but he's a loser. He have a diamond but he wants a rock. Let him have it. LEAVE. He's CHEATING even if is on line..HE CHEATED ON U. what's next going to meet the girl...don't put up with it. LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE NOW. but print out everything from the computer so when u get a divorce is on him. OKAY much love for u women. Is a shame, he's an idiot.