In the 10 months we have been married my husban's actions have caused me to lose all trust for him by constantly lying and having emotional affairs. He says everday that he wants to work things out, yet his actions do not back up his words. He continues to lie and hide things. I don't even think I love him anymore due to the lose of trust. We enrolled in counseling for our marriage but now I'm wondering if I should even try or if I should just leave.. What do you think? Can it get better?
2006-08-19 06:17:57 · 42 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I wont say leave him or anything plush like that. I can say pray and that works alot. Also counseling can help but theres only so much counseling and lying he can do. But I will also say dont run away so quickly. You got married and you dont want to rush into a divorce. If this happens learn from your mistake and try not to rush in to marriage again but I will say dont be so available
have a life and go out and dont call him so much. Ignore him sometimes and dont be the only one alway doing things and planning things like romance type stuff. Stop doing things he should be doing stop being so nice to him. Let him do the man things and you do the woman things. This is what a guy told me He's got you and now he's like whats next. Dont be so available for him
Get fit and confident in you. Keep your self pretty and dont have low self esteem around him have personality and dont be timid and scared to do things dont be boring
Dont be these things below
W-Winers
O-Over Emotional
M-Money Hungrey
A-Angry all the time
E-Envious
N-Naggers
M-Messy
A-A$#-H^#s
E-Egotistic
N-Nonchallant
You see women have more issues than men. Thats why its easier for men to move on in relationships or to brush things off
2006-08-19 06:22:30 · answer #1 · answered by LaToya J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i hope I can help you, I realize you are newly weds. It can be an adjustment, I believe that since you both have enrolled in counseling you should continue at least then you will know you gave it your best shot, marriage does and will continue to be work. As for his lying. He has a problem there. I also now that trust can be earned back. that it something you should learn in counseling. Don't be to quick to throw in the towel. why? Because there was a point in time that you were in love, I believe you still are, it just hurts when there is dishonesty on the part of one of the two parties. Hang in there OK. I wish the both of you the best of luck on working out your situation.
May God bless the union between the two of you.
2006-08-19 06:32:31 · answer #2 · answered by RAINBOW 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is not your fault. If he's the one doing the lying. The question is why and what does he lie about? U been marry for only 10 months and already on the rock? why? maybe you rush into it. Marriage counseling? Is a shame you can't work it out on your own. Maybe not a divorce but a break. Go see family, or friends for a weekend. Just to cool off and think. To be in the same house is hard to think even though he's not there. The negative vibe is there..so just go to a best friend house or family. Trust me you will see the answer for yourself.
2006-08-19 06:24:59 · answer #3 · answered by Sexy C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out of there while you can. It will only get worse.
My late husband was a habital liar too and when we moved into a house of our own h e was a control freak, mentally abusive and soon physically abusive and alcoholic. My husband hid bills on me too and pocketed any money to pay them. I didn't know about it as I was working at the time, he refused to work. He also would get violently angry if I got into his desk drawer or even suggest a job opening.
Since this person is screwing around on you, then he'll end up giving you some sexual disease. They don't get better, they get worse.
My late husband did the same thing. We went through counceling, but he wouldn't go the other times. It's not worth the emotional hassle.
I took the baby and ran. He moved back in with friends and after three months seperation he died. He had a lot of problems.
2006-08-19 06:32:16 · answer #4 · answered by Voice 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should try counseling. Give it a shot. Then if it doesn't work, you can leave him since you said you don't love him anymore. You are just fooling yourself if you're still with him, and he doesn't change. You deserve the best. So why let him take it all away if it doesn't work out? You've probably tried enough, but it's his turn to show you how much he really needs you now. One of the worse thing ever is to lie to someone you love. He should be lucky you still haven't left him. Hope everything work out for the best.
2006-08-19 06:24:13 · answer #5 · answered by craz34jason 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At the end of the day, 10 months is not a terribly long time to have invested in a marriage that is not going to work out.
If you don't love him now, how will you feel about him 5 years from now ? After you have children with him ?
Sometimes divorce really is an option, and you shouldn't feel bad about yourself if that's what you decide to do.
2006-08-19 06:29:28 · answer #6 · answered by AmericanDreamer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Anything is possible. He has to want to try, be actually making some progress, for it to work. If you don't have kids yet, that's wonderful. I'd separate for the time being-that lets him know you're not a doormat and insisting on bettering your marriage, for the RIGHT reasons. I can't believe only 10 mos into it, your relationship is already this bad. Sounds like you probably had no strong basis for marriage to begin with. If he doesn't get better, I wouldn't stay, personally. I'd get on my own, get healthy, and wait 5 more years to find someone who's truly in love with you, and who treats you right. If I had kids I'd try harder to repair things.
2006-08-19 07:23:02 · answer #7 · answered by agatehunt 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is for better or for worse. Has he cheated on you? If you really can't handle it, it's probably best to get out of it. Only ten months damn, that's a tough break. Is it possible you did not see his personality before you married him or did you always know what kind of man he was?
I think you should try to work it out, he seems to be an immature person though. If he does not make an effort at the relationship, it makes no sense for you to remain unhappy.
2006-08-19 06:28:26 · answer #8 · answered by Firebird 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A divorce would be easy, it sounds like there aren't any kids involved. If you can't trust him then what is the point in being in a maxium commitment like marriage? Here is a larger question why does he want to stay married? He acts like there are better things to do. Is he more into "faking" a good life then having one?
2006-08-19 07:24:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What kind of lies?
Well i think lieing is innate. I also don't find liars favorable. I think these people don't find their lies as lies...their brains convince them otherwise.
what's an emotional affair? i'm curious to that. Is it like he has deep thoughts and conversations with other girls online or in person and they flirt with love.
Me...i would stay a bit longer. Do counseling. Get him to talk a lot more openly to you. And...what's with the sex issue! yikes!(in a question you answered of mine)
2006-08-19 15:26:29 · answer #10 · answered by ryan s 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋