Wife had an affair ? My response to her.?

Question

some one asked what my response was to my wife after she told me the she had been unfaithful to me. Well hear it is I looked her in the eyes and said " I though you may have and I love you no matter what. you are here with me now and thats all that matters" This really suprised myself that i didn't go off the deep end that is why I asked for your responses to it. I guess trying to make sure i"m not Crazy
We did talk about it details of it and I forgave her but have not forgotten,still to early to have healed. did or do I use it against her NO. have we had fights since Yes, I feel its pointless to throw it up in her face sorry I'm not that vindictive.But it had giving us the opportunity to talk about other things that we never talked about before
and we have become a whole hell of alot closer now than before
I chalk it up to her being young and scared and with me not being the rock she needed and being suseptible to " the players" ei scum bags that manipulate people

Answer 1

I too have forgiven my significant other for cheating on me. I love him more than the world and I wasn't going to let one indiscretion ruin that. We talked about it and layed everything out on the table. Like you and your wife, we became closer afterwards. I cannot trust him the same way as I did before this happened, but I told him way back then (3 years ago) that I would never be able to trust him the same way again and that he would have to earn back the trust that I COULD give to him. When you love someone, you are able to rise above something like this - so long as both of you want the same thing.

However: Fool me once, shame on you - fool me twice, shame on me. He knows that it was a ONE time thing - and if it ever happens again, there will be no if's and's or but's... I will pack my bag and be out that door faster than he can say "I'm sorry...".

Answer 2

If this is her first offense, then I would very congratulate you on being the man that most men aren't these days. You cannot blame yourself entirely, you might have given her a reason, but in the end she was the one who unmistakenly was unfaithful. I am very shocked that you didn't blow up on her. Most men would have and never would have tried to make up. I applaud your forgiveness, and I am hoping for the best for you both. If this brings you closer, then so be it. Crazier things have happened and more than likely she was bottling up things inside and not talking to you or vice versa. Talking is a powerful thing, communication is the key. As long as you can feel non threatened talking to your spouse, most of the time things can run smoothly. She felt bad because she had done this, that is why she up and told you. She cared enough to do that. So giving her a chance, giving you both a chance again, wow, that is wonderful. Throwing it back up in her face will make her feel that she is branded a cheater and cannot be trusted ever again. That will drive her farther away. I hope that everything turns out alright.

Answer 3

That sounds excellent. Affairs do not need to mean the end of a marriage. The truth came out, she was willing to talk to you about it. You are being willing to forgive, that is really fortunate for you and your wife. The hurt will take a while to diminish, it will take patience and understanding on your wifes part. What you both have is more important than any other idea or fantasy. Working together to take care of each other and support each other is the only thing that really matters. Best luck to you and don't listen to the people who will be negative and tell you otherwise. The truth is your situation is unique to you. You both can work this out. It is really great to hear a relationship standing, even though you have both been made painfully aware of it's flaws. No relationship is perfect, yours can recover and function better than before.

Answer 4

Dude, you are awesome to be so brave about this and I have to say, very insightful also. You see the problem not just as one-way, but you see how you might have contributed also. You also see how it's improved your relationship and you're not throwing it up in her face all of the time. I think you're already on your way to a good, mature and solid relationship. I wish you all the luck in the world. As for "forgetting", my grandmother use to say, " you can take a nail out of a fence, but the hole is still there." We're only human, ya know. You are handling this like a man. Admire you.

Answer 5

The kindness we do for others is the price we pay to live here.

You need to pay more attention to her, and not let her gaze be re-directed from the banquet you provide.

And, you cannot 'make' someone happy, or make someone behave any certain way. You can encourage and offer comfort. She is as devastated in her heart, at her failures, as you are at her loss. It is a new beginning, and never mention it again. ever. just like there are your own personal flaws you have never talked about.

That is why you will both heal and love. Bless you both.

Answer 6

personally I would never be unfaithful to my man.I don't believe in adultery.however I do believe in temptation and guys are scum bags especially guys that want a married woman.and I know for a fact that guys will be charming and promise a girl the world to get in her pants.At least she was honest about it.and I'm glad that your closer.I hope she learned her lesson.

good luck

Answer 7

my husband also cheated on me before, he was man enough to admit it to me. He told me i'm the one that he loves and regrets what he did to me. I forgave him, but yes, you are correct it's hard to forget. However, ever since we've been open to each other and talk about things we never talked about before. Open communication,we realized, is very important in a relationship, and i guess it made us closer to each other and even love each other more. Keep the fire burning and keep the romance in the relationship, that's what we have also learned.

Answer 8

Sounds like you two are okay now. Your reaction made it this way. If you would have reacted another way then it could be worse. I wouldn't wonder now if you should hold it against her. You already forgave her, that means it's done with and we will move on. Of course you can't forget, but you can't hold it against her anymore. Sounds like you two really love each other, and she just made a mistake.

Answer 9

That is amazing really. Not many spouses could humble themselves and be as kind as you. I think that what she did was horrible. I myself would have to say that she deserves to a divorce for betraying you. I think that you are one heck of a husband and she is so lucky to have you. I just hope that you will be able to trust her in the future because that would definitely make it hard. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 10

That is great that you are so forgiving and understanding but remember if a person cheat once they are more than likely to do it again at some point and time.If you don't believe me just tune in to the Maury Povich show.Hope I don't see you on there!