I was raped at 16,now I'm 31,will my future husband ever know of my ugly past?

Answer 1

He won't know unless someone tells him. If it's a "secret" that eats away at you, then perhaps you'll want to tell him yourself - if he truly loves you and has no hangups, he'll stick with you.

I'm sorry to hear this disgusting thing happened to you, but you can put it behind you. Find some hobbies or further develop your existing interests, and you will discover that you have self-esteem and are entitled to it. Once you accept the fact that you deserve self-esteem, being raped might seem like less of an issue to you.

I say "might" only because I have never experienced it, so I don't really know. However, I don't want to help you continue to keep yourself dwelling on it. I can understand that the memories may not go away after 15 years, but you don't want to base the rest of your life on this instance - that would mean the pigheaded rapist "won." Don't let that jerkoff have that victory, OK?

Good luck to you. : )

Answer 2

There shld b no doubt about this in ur mind . U shld tell him n that 2 b4 marriage . Dont worry of his reaction u r safe both sides .If u tell him n he understands b happy coz thats the best thing u can ever do , if he doesnt, u still b happy coz that was not the right man 4 u. U should marry only tht person who understands u n ur feeling , who can help u forget ur ugly past . Dont just marry 4 the sake of it but 4 the person who loves u 4 for whatever u r.Anyways dont worry i think he will understand u. Good luck n Keep Smiling

Answer 3

The same thing happened to me, and telling my husband was one of the best thngs I did, it means he can be there for me on my down days and when I have flashbacks, and it means he understands things about my behaviour in some situations he may not have understood before. If you can tell your husband, it would probably help you deal with it, it is certainly nothing to be ashamed of, but your mind will twist it into shame if you can't talk about it and deal with it, the fact you call it an ugly past shows you have a long way to go to get over it, and unfortunately, for you as for me, it will be a memory which is part of us forever, although it can less less hurtful and upsetting over time, and having someone to help you through that time makes it go all the faster, I hope this helps x

Answer 4

BE VERY CAREFUL OF WHAT YOU DO......JUST DON'T TELL HIM RIGHT AWAY.....

SEE AS YOU ARE 31 SO ACCORDING TO ME YOU ARE A BIT OLD..SO DO YOU LOVE SUMEONE THATS WHY YOU NOT MARRIED TIIL NOW??...

IF YOU ARE THEN YOU SHOULD TELL HIM....HE LOVES YOU..HE WOULD ACCEPT YOU..BUT TELL HIM BEFORE MARRIAGE....

BUT IF YOU ARE DOING AN ARRANGE MARRIAGE..THINGS MAY BE DIFFERENT.....

HE WOULD BE EXPECTING THAT YOU ARE NOT A VIRGIN AT 31.....BUT STILL HE MAY NOT REACT POSITIVELY TO YOU BEING A RAPE VICTIM...

ITS REALLY AN UGLY PAST WHICH YOU SHOULD FORGET...HE WOULD'NT KNOW IF YOU DON'T TELL HIM OR BEHAVE STRANGLY WHEN MAKING LOVE...i.e YOU MAY NOT SUPPORT HIM COMPLETLY COZ OF THE INCIDENT.....

BUT IF YOU TELL HIM ...HIS RESPONSE CAN BE ANYTHING...

JUST DON'T TELL HIM FOR THE SAKE OF SHARING EVERYTHING WITH HIM.....

BUT IF YOU WANNA TELL ,YOU MUST TELL HIM BEFORE MARRIAGE......COZ THIS WAY YOU WOULD KNOW HOW MUCH HE LOVES YOU AND IS COMMITTED TO YOU.......AND ON THE OTHER HAND A BURDEN WILL BE OF YOUR CHEST..

Answer 5

If you are considering spending the rest of your life with this man, and you haven't talked about this hugely emotionally and psychologically damaging event, then you need to rethink getting married. If you haven't come to grips with it yourself, then you need to by getting counseling. If you have, then I am unsure why you wouldn't have told him this important detail. If you think he will think less of you, or it will make a difference in how he feels about you, then you need to do yourself a favor and not marry someone who would blame you for something you could not control.

You don't have an ugly past, your rapist does.

Answer 6

It was not your fault that you got raped in the first place. It is best to tell him before you get married. That way your peace of mind will give ease in navigating the rough waters of marriage. Trust and acceptance are the big key ingredients of a successful and happy lasting marriage.

Answer 7

Probably not unless you tell him, unless there is an evil person around that knows this happened that feels it is their place to tell him. Why don't you tell him, if you can marry a man and say he is the one you want to be with for life, why wouldn't he deserve to know this. He want think bad of you if he is at all decent. He'll only love you and understand certain sensitive issues about you that he deserves to know.

Answer 8

specific, which skill a sort of zoooma juniors who we, the South African taxpayers, will would desire to pay for. isn't "classic" African way of life grand! thankfully, there is easy on the tip of the tunnel. i think of the NPA is unexpectedly going to discover the activity of prosecuting him alot extra handy, when you consider that i've got confidence those interior the ANC who nevertheless has any capability has not extra use for his or her puppy Thabo-busting "boogeyman". If i became into zoooma, i'd seem on the destiny with a feeling of trepidation. the only individual who gave him any sort of credibility (with the aid of being his enemy), Thabo Mbeki, is now long previous, and with the NPA unfastened to hound him, stiff opposition from COPE calling his awareness into question purely with the aid of latest, and extra enemies in the ANC you ought to in all probability shake a fist at, i does not decide to be him. and that i do no longer think of this has handed off with the aid of twist of destiny, the two.

Answer 9

Just the way you asked your question says that it still effects you. Yes, he should know. Rape in the past can effect your now. If you have nightmares, intrusive thoughts--things that effect your behavior and feelings now, he needs to know about it so he can respect and support you.

Answer 10

I was raped too, I would not keep any secret from my husband. It would help him to understand about how you feel towards certain things. And he will know how to be there for you.