My boss hired a person that had a sex change from man to woman. It is obvious because she has the face of a man, large hands and an Adam's apple. Her name is 'Michelle.' Because I have been nice to Michelle,she has asked me to come to her house for dinner with her 'boyfriend'. I couldn't give her an immediate answer because we were interrupted by co-workers (Thank God). But, how do I tell her that I don't want a personal friendship without hurting her feelings. I have to accept her for who she is but I don't want to get drawn into her personal life because eventually I would feel forced to tell her how I feel and I don't want to have to go there.
Maybe if she looked more like a woman instead of Woody Allen in a wig, I would be more receptive to a friendship.
2006-08-19 04:10:12 · 24 answers · asked by hotsista0201 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
I know she is a transexual and not transvestite because she would not be allowed to use the ladies room.
2006-08-19 04:17:32 · update #1
the replier "notyochic" needs help. It is said when a person's vocabulary is so limited that every other word is profanity. I also read some of your questions and you have some real issues. I hope you seek help. But I do respect your right to show your IQ.
2006-08-25 14:43:16 · update #2
Politely decline the offer and explain that you do not want a personal friendship. I don’t know why the average person feels like they owe an apology to the “strange” people of today. You have every right to NOT want to associate with this type of person and NO responsibility to want to associate with this type of person.
2006-08-19 04:17:20 · answer #1 · answered by 75160 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
OK, Ur having a problem with her because u don't think she's pretty or because u think if u start to hangout with her something will rub off on u or people will laugh at u for having a friend who was once a man?
I think Michelle was pleased that u were being so nice to her and didn't look her as a freak( as some silly people would)
She was just being nice to show u that she felt good that someone was being kind to her( when Ur new to a company, neighborhood, school or state) u want people to accept u( because your already feeling out of place or a bit scared) and Michelle being a whole new person is one of those people right now.
She knows that everyone is feeling odd around her( because she's feeling the same) she wants to feel like everyone else and not have others talking about her and making them feel uncomfortable. She just want to be accepted
She invited u because maybe she's just a nice person( which is how u should really see her) try to get past how she looks and what she is or was
She's going through something right now.
It wouldn't hurt to go 2 dinner this once, it's doesn't mean u have to hangout with her if u don't want. Just let her know u like her but u try to not be to close a friend to co-workers, because u have your own friends outside work who u hang with.
If she ask why dont u want too many friends from work( just say u have been burned by co-workers in the past and u rather keep it on a work level since.( U know lie ) =-)
If she ask if u have a problem with her being a transexual say
No, thats not the problem and u can care less about what she was b 4
Also if u could try not to listen to rumors and not to be apart of the( we hate Michelle group) it that should happen, keep being nive to her, don't look at her odd
Who knows maybe she will become a good friend to you and u may one day need her help( always be nice to her)
2006-08-19 06:53:17 · answer #2 · answered by itspink22@sbcglobal.net 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you don't normally hang out with coworkers, you can say that you'd rather not have to see anyone from work in your off-duty hours. Nothing personal, you just don't want any reminders of work. If you are good friends with other coworkers, about the only things you can do are either to keep begging off with excuses until she catches on or just be honest. It would be dificult and awkward to be honest but you may find that she is not a transexual at all. Some women have hormone problems, sometimes even before birth and develop more masculine features. You'd hate to be shunning this woman over something she had no control over.
2006-08-19 04:24:25 · answer #3 · answered by Kuji 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No matter what her gender was or is now, you should treat her like a human being. You don't know if you're actually going to get "sucked" in to her personal life...She might decide that you have bad manners at the table or lack the ability to be engaged in intelligent conversation and not invite you to her home again - or she might have only invited you to be polite...The point is that if you have no intrest in being friends with her simply tell her that you'd like to keep things on a professional level, but don't be a coward that doesn't want to be her friend because she is different than you. If you judge all of your "friends" by the way they look...don't you wonder how they judge you? By being shallow you're turning your back and closing your heart and mind to many possibilities that could bring you much happiness and joy.
2006-08-25 12:00:27 · answer #4 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It takes all types to make the world...okay so she is different.
How do you know you won't enjoy yourself? I think you are holding back because of what other people in the office might think. She is probably a great cook and you might have fun and get to ask a lot of questions that I am sure she would be glad to share with you.
Relax, she is person with feelings and blood running through her veins. That her sexuality is messed up is not her fault...be glad it is not you. I cannot imagine what this person has had to deal with in her life but I know she would have a great deal to teach me in that department about how she deals with being shunned by people who thinks she is a weirdo...and get a great dinner served as well. Care not what others think...it is hard for people to understand these things...but it would not hurt to try.
Risk it.
2006-08-23 07:12:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
There's no bad if you aren't interested in knowing her. It's your choice. Everyone has the right to choose who they spend time with and who they want to be friends with.
Why not just tell her how you feel? I think the world needs more honesty. Start off with telling her you like her, but you just aren't interested in having an "outside work" relationship with her. There are surely others at work that you feel the same way about. Why should you feel obligated? Just because she's different?
But if you might want to get to know her more, don't let your uncomfortableness with her appearance stop you. If you find out she's friend material, you should be able to talk about all that and get past it. I'm sure she would rather talk about it openly than be dismissed because someone's afraid to be honest with her.
Good luck.
2006-08-19 04:21:17 · answer #6 · answered by Jazmanana 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you should just be honest. She is just like everyone else. If you are not comfortable around her because of her life style choice it would be best if you just declined her invitation politely. If you avoid responding it will be hurt-full toward her. I can't say that I understand your issues with her life choice but I can respect that you feel uncomfortable and that you want to avoid hurting her feelings. Just be honest and ask as if she were any other woman who wants to be your friend but you don't feel the same way, you don't actually have to bring up the fact that you don't want to be friends because she is a transsexual.
2006-08-19 04:21:44 · answer #7 · answered by sweet_nichole5 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Keep it simple, be honest, the truth might be painful, but it is more painful to tell a lie and feelings get hurt worse. I hope you are not prejudice, there are alot of people out there that feel like they are either men trapped in women's bodies, or women trapped in men's bodies. I don't know what causes this, but they are people also. Good luck in your situation. And remember looks are not everything. Peace.
2006-08-25 01:20:02 · answer #8 · answered by spiritcavegrl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow. Well, I have people that I work with (not as exciting as being transexual) that I do not wish to have a personal relationship with. I like them, just don't want to be a part of their lives outside of work. And I have done a couple of things. I have actually told them that. After the initial sting, I think they figured it out. And those that i thought were more fragile, I just put off invitations until they finally quit asking.
For you this might be an interesting exercise in "Life." You might want to reach out. Yes, you will, at some point have to share your real feelings, but so what. I understand though...I wouldn't want to eat with a creepy woody allen in a dress and her boyfriend.
blahhhh.
2006-08-19 04:17:41 · answer #9 · answered by Bruce B 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
first off, everyone is diffrent..if we all were the same the world would be boring. I find this a little offensive. I have GREAT friends who are bisexual, gay, lesbeians, straight, transexual, transvestite, you name it...and most of them are a lot more fun to be around than those who are the same as you think...."Normal", I find them interesting and neat...they give great suggestions on hair, nails, and skin care treatments. They are one of the best kind of friends you can have. Plus they don't nag as much as a regular female...or normal...which ever...But it is polite to be honest...just tell her/him that your one of the girls who really like to get involved in peoples affairs and life and you are not one to keep quiet. Just tell her that your not one to engage in co-worker relationships...even if its just friends.
2006-08-25 09:02:38 · answer #10 · answered by missbehave252002 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋