Why does my wife get so mad?

Question

Is there a certain moon phase right now?

I went out with my wife today, and I could already tell she was a little nervous. Well one thing lead to another, and she started talking about wanting to move to texas, I told her I will not move there, instead I would rather live in California.

Well this isnt the real problem, the problem is that today she told me that everything I say I say in a rude way, I dont mean to be rude, and I think she is just a little upset.

What should I do to calm my wife down when she starts acting cranky?

Today I made the wrong move and told her I cant take it anymore today like this, I left and went home, she stayed downtown.

I just want some tips to deal with her mood swings. I know she is obviously not happy with our current living conditions. I always feel that life will get better. Im an MBA student, and she works as a receptionist, yea things could be a lot better, only time will tell.

Answer 1

well maybe you should talk to her seriously and find out why she is so upset and then figure out a middle point where you all can get along otherwise i don't know what to tell you

Answer 2

Okay look, how would you feel if she didn't meet you in the middle. Two people in a relationship are suppose to support one another.
For example when its dinner time, and if your woman cooks does she constantly make things that you wouldn't eat or is the dinner usually something that the both of you would like to eat.
The same holds true in the rest of the relationship. The two of you need to talk, She wants to move to texas, well its not like the two of you can't move back to California later in life.
Why not talk to her and find out what is in texas that makes her want to move their, if she wanted to go scuba diving would you tell her no or would you say okay, and make time in the schedule to do so together, and support her in things she wants to do. Does she do the same for you.
Instead of thinking it is all her fault and that she is cranky all the time, maybe sit down and talk to one another and get this all out in the open, maybe you should pay attention to how you respond to her when she brings things up that are important to her.

Yes woman have mood swings while men just stuff their feelings, it is sad but true. Since you are married try talking to one another and get down to the root of the problem instead of sugar coating it. It may not be pretty but at least it won't be hidden and ignored.
If the two of you don't find a happy medium you may still live in California while she is living in texas.
good luck

Answer 3

First mistake, and a big one...you left her...Don't walk away. Never do that. You need to sit down with her and find out what's going on. Something is bothering her, she could be having problems at work or with family. She just might need you to hold her, and tell her everything is going to be okay. She might feel like she not very important in your life right now.
Why don't you want to live in Texas? What's wrong with Texas?
Why does it have to be California? This is something to discuss, not just no. You can't be the boss, a marriage is a compromise. Do you work? or are you a full time student? Maybe she's feel the pressure of being the breadwinner of the family. Financial pressures can be listed as the cause of a lot of divorces. Something is going on, and you need to find out what it is...if it's financial, drop a class and get a part-time job. You might not finish school as early as you planned to, but wouldn't rather be married with your wife by your side. What I am trying to tell you. Is talk to her. Don't leave her on the street when things get a little rough, what does that tell her. Not what I hope. That you are going to run every time things don't go your way.
I am not saying you are compeltely wrong, she may have needed to left at the corner, but you don't do it. Whether or not you want to, if you want your marriage to work.
Take some time to talk with her, not at her, talk....find out what's going on...when is the last time you thanked her for helping you get through school.....PLEASE, get off the computer and go spend this time with her.....listen! to what she says and even to the things she doesn't....Good luck, and I am sorry but I hate to see young couples fighting and they don't even know what they are fighting about......
God bless us all.................

Answer 4

Okay. You just admitted that you don't mean to be rude.

It sounds like to me that you were being rude. It also sounds like to me that everything in your relationship has to be your way or no way at all.

To get past your wife being so cranky you need to dig up information from her. But most importantly you need to listen and tryin really see where she is coming from.

You said she was already nervous when you went out today. Do you live in a bad part of the state?

Maybe she doesn't feel safe where you live. Maybe she doesn't like living the big city life especially if she is originally from some small town in Texas.

I mean maybe she doesn't like looking over her shoulder every second of the day and wondering if she is going to become a victim of some crime.

I sure the heck wouldn't want to live like that.

She wants to get back to her roots where she feels safe and secure. Not scared and angry everyday.

What is so terrible about Teaxs that you won't even consider living there for your wife?

Sounds like to me that she sacrificed herself for you and lived where you wanted already. And I'm sure she has tryed to make it the best that she could for you because of her love for you.

But now for some reason she's not happy. And you need to find out why.

If she is scared of where you live she will never stop being cranky as long as you live there. She will continue to be un-happy and miserable and cranky towards you.

If you love your wife as you say you do listen to her wants and needs. Don't be rude about it.

Try some compassion.

And if she still wants to move to Teaxs consider it. And stop being shelfish.

You are a grown adult with a wife it's not just about your wants and needs anymore. You have to think about her and her feelings too!!

If she wants to move from California I'm sure there is a good reason behind it and you need to listen to that reason.

How do you know that moving to Teaxs wouldn't be the best soultion to your problem. It could be the best thing that ever happened to you and your wife.

Try it out and if it doesn't work out you can always move back to California at a later date.

If you don't tryin understand your wife's needs and wants you may just end up single again.

Because if she is that un-happy eventually she will stop caring about your needs and wants and start thinking of her own again.

A person can only scarfice there own needs for so long for someone else especially if the other person is selfish and thinks of only them self.

Start thinking of your wife a little more and scarfice your own needs just a little and I'm sure you will see a change in her attitude if you don't then she will continue to be the same and eventually it will take it's toll on your marriage.

I hope this helps. I wish you and your wife all the luck in the world. Goodbye.

Answer 5

You are a MBA student.....enough said. As a wife and mother, I've been there! Spend special time with her, even an hour here and there would mean a lot. Don't blame it on pms or mood swings! A hug that is not expected or "I love you" can do wonders. Talk about places you may want to move to when you complete your MBA.....think a long time about Callifornia...lived there for 17 years and it's not what it seems....but a great place to visit. You are in a busy time of your life....hang in there, be patient with her and remember she just misses time with you. May God bless your marriage.

Answer 6

well all i could say is that the reason she is always cranky is because of the living situation... talk to her and don't be mean or rude to her any little thing will set her off right now so just be calm and nice and loving... and how do you know you wont like to live in Texas... I'm from Texas... Houston, TX and everybody that i know that has moved here from somewhere else love it here... oh yea and i also know a lot of people that have actually moved HERE to TEXAS from California...

Answer 7

ok here is the thing...I am bipolar and have terrible mood swings...before I was diagnosed it would cause terrible fights between my husband and I. He would immediately get in the defensive mode and the fight would be on...(never physical)
After I had a severe nervous breakdown in 2004 and I called my Dr. and asked for help, he sent me to a mental health facility (out patient) they evaluated me and diagnosed me as being bipolar. I started seeing a therapist to work on controling my mood swings and I also started seeing a psychiatrist who I would talk to as well but more on a medical stand point and together we found a great combination of medicines to help control my impulses and mood swings. After 1 1/2 years of being medicated and the wonderful help I got from my therapist (both me & my husband) I decided to take myself off the medicine. I know how to settle (calm) myself for the most part when I feel myself starting to spiral and for the days that I can not control the urges and impulses my husband has learned not to take anything I say to heart and he no longer gets on the defensive. He talks to me as calmly as he can (like you are talking to a small child) he rubs my back, lays down in the bed with me and rubs my head (whatever he feels might work to calm me damn) But there are some days where after he tries a few things and it is not helping he knows to just go in another room until I start coming down. Then he will come in and help keep me from sinking into a state of depression.
I know I prob. veered off the subject but maybe what I said will help. Maybe she too is bipolar...something to think about.

Answer 8

Well there really is not enough information here to guess at the real problem. Mood swings could be a medical condition or something as minor as PMS. I must say your wife has excellent taste in choosing a place to live. There is NO PLACE LIKE TEXAS!!

Answer 9

Well for one u could actually start listening to ur wife when she wants or needs things.. seems like perhaps things have to be ur way or no way at all.. but on the days i feel cranky.. all my husband has to do is hold me, and tell me how much he loves me, and that everything is going to be ok.. or makes me laugh and i suddenly lose my lit fuse..

But i think u need to hear ur wife, and try to compromise with what her needs are.. instead of possibly always down playing her ideas, makes a woman feel like shes controled and i doubt u'd like it much if someone was always putting down what u want, or what ur ideas are..
Time to start communicating with her and finding out whats bothering her so badly inside, and what can u do to help.. and actually try to come up with solutions that will benefit not only u , but her as well..

Answer 10

You talk about her attitude and work on changing it together. If you can't seem to work it out together, get professional help.

A fault is a weakness...and weaknesses can be strengthened.

A little poem that comes to mind...

I didn't marry you because you were perfect.

I married you because I loved you.

I married you because you gave me a promise.

That promise made up for your faults.

And the promise I gave you made up for mine.

Two imperfect people got married and it was the promise that made the marriage.


The secret to having a good marriage is to understand that marriage must be total, it must be permanent, and it must be equal.

If you are newly married, you have alot to learn about each other...and that comes with time, the stresses of trying to learn to do things together and if you are going to school, thats just another added stress. But it can and will all smooth out. It just takes time.

And you are good to leave when she is in one of her moods...the less you say when she is being a ***** the better.

But you do need to sit down and work on the things she b itches about sooner or later.....like moving to Texas......why she wants too, when she wants too.......and you need to listen, you are in a relationship and you make choices together weighing the pros and cons.

Good Luck!

Answer 11

Being in a bad mood generally has to do with the kinds of thoughts that are going on in the head. If there is an issue that is bringing stress and anxiety, that probably sets her off. Try to get to the bottom of her reasons for feeling this way.