How do I tell my mother-in-law that I don't want her in the delivery room when I give birth?

Question

I recently went to dinner with my mother-in-law and she mentioned being in the delivery room with me when I give birth. I was planning on having my mom and fiance with me in there only. I'm definitely not comfortable with having her there. How do I tell her in a nice way that I do not want her there?

Answer 1

Have the doctor do it. Tell him to state that only two people can be with you and then tell him you picked your two--your mom and fiance.. Your mother-in-law can see the baby after you deliver him or her. Or give your mother-in-law another task to do while you are delivering--something that will keep her away from the hospital while you are giving birth but something that will make her feel she is valuable in the special occassion.

Answer 2

Have your husband tell her. Or, you can say that the doctor only allows two people other than you in the delivery room during the delivery (a lot of the time, this is the rule). You could also put her in charge of some important tasks that you need done, like having her call people after the birth to tell them all the pertinent information. Make her feel like she is involved in other areas so that she won't feel left out in the delivery part. P.S.- by the time you are actually delivering, you may not care WHO is in the room. I was in so much pain that a SWAT team could have come thru and I wouldn't have noticed! : ) But, if this is your wish, you should have it your way! Think of some activities she could do to keep involved, yet not in the delivery room, and you should all be happy.

Answer 3

Just be honest with her... you have already promised your mom that she could be there (and there should be no question that your fiance will be there -he should have top priority over his mom or yours).
She *should* be understanding about this, but if she pushes the issue, then you could add that you are just not comfortable with her being there. Tell her you're just too shy about bearing your private parts to too many people!

Most hospitals do not allow too many people in the delivery room. Check on your hospital's policy. Perhaps they only allow 2 people. Or tell your doctor the situation... s/he will be happy to help you out by saying that his/her OWN policy is to allow only 2 people.

But your mother-in-law really should understand. I was not on good terms with my mother when I had my child, but even if I had been, I still would have only wanted the baby's father in the room with me, and certainly NOT my mother-in-law!
When my daughter had her baby, she also did not want anyone but her husband with her (I was disappointed, but I never even told her I was) and when we all went in to see the baby, her mother-in-law grabbed the baby first! I felt like I should have been first in line after mommy and daddy, BUT... when I got my turn, I got to hold her MUCH longer! So, nyah-nyah to the pushy mother-in-law... haha!

But really, this is YOUR time and it should be exactly how YOU want it. And ultimately, even if your mother-in-law is initially upset about not getting to be in the delivery room, she will totally forget about it when she is holding her grandbaby for the first time. My granddaughter is 27 months old and when I see her, my all my problems and worries just melt away like magick.... funny how that works!! :-)

Good luck & congratulations!!

Answer 4

Just politely say "I think I'm more comfortable with (fiance's name) and my mom there with me. I hope you understand. You will get to see the baby don't worry!" If you don't want her there she won't be there. By law, the mother of the child decides who gets to be in the delivery room with her.

Answer 5

Sometimes you have to bite the bullet and just say it. A woman always wants her mother and the father of the baby with her. If she has a daughter her time will come. Don't let this stress you out. After the baby is born all will be forgotten when she holds the newborn. Take the advice of a great grandmother, cause I have been on both sides.

Answer 6

Well, I think you should send this question with all the answers to her-really, just say it like you phrased the question. You could be nice an say how much you appreciate her support, but are really not comfortable with anyone except your mom and fiance in the room and you appreciate her understanding.

Answer 7

Just tell her.. in the nicest way possible of course..Lol .. U would feel uncomfortable with her there. Sometimes u tend to say things u don't really mean when that pain hits and u don't want to offend her. I say this from experience.. I cussed my mother in-law out BAD!! Didn't remember a thing about it. Was told later about the incident. Childbirth is hard enough.

Answer 8

I beg to differ with Nanny! Having one's Mommy in the delivery room is not a sign of immaturity and is a very strong bonding experience! I had my mother in the room with me 19 years ago when my younger daughter was born, and my older daughter had me in the room when her son was born. She just gave birth to a little girl last week and her mother-in-law was in attendance for this birth. Besides, the question is about the mother-in-law, not the Mommy.

Dear, your wishes should be respected, but please give careful consideration - after all, this is an experience that can really bond your relationship with your mother-in-law and the bond between her and her new grandchild.

If you want to stand by your decision and find it difficult for you or your husband to discuss with his mother, talk to your doctor and he/she may be able to talk with her for you.

Good luck!

Answer 9

Tell her nicely that you don't feel comfortable with her in the delivery room but you would still love for her to be at the hospital for support.

Answer 10

straight up is the best way. I wouldn't even want my own mother in the delivery room with me. That is something very private and personal. She should understand.