the wife had an affair?

Question

the wife had an affair a few years ago I have just found out recently about it. Here's the problem I really do not mind it as long as she's still with me that is all that mattered to me.And yes she told me didn't have to but we we're having a great conversation on sex about every thing and other options and well she told me about it. we've sinced moved away from that place we have grown up alot it was 8-9 years ago that she had it And swears that it was only one time and felt very horrible for doing it. my Question is what would your response be ?

You are right I have always figured that she would at one point be unfaithful but We do love each other very much and have been thru so much we are the best of friends and really do like each other. She is rather gullible in believing other people's line of crap and that is what lead her to do what she did. at the time we where not communiciating like we do now. Which has made a large difference in how we respect and listen to each others concerns

Answer 1

i hear some negative answers. Don't let them make you negative. Only you and your wife really know the answer. The question is if you both believe your love is strong enough to over come and get past it. I'm sorry, once a cheater not always a cheater.

If you decide to talk to her about it, try to get a feel for her emotions at the time she had an affair. Only about 1% of all affairs are for "just sex" reasons. She may have had something else going on emotionally at the time that made her vulnerable. Be weary not to blame yourself or take what she says like she is blaming you. Her feelings of the time were just her feelings, don't take them personal no matter what. Once you both recognize her emotions of the time, then you can address that issue so it never happens again or you see that you can't so anything about it, then you have different choices to make. The affair was just the symptom. Address just the affair gets you through the day, address the reasons and you can enjoy a lifetime.

Yes, I know some people make it a habit, but that is not everyone. No kidding, don't listen to us, listen to the love that you and your wife have for each other. If it's really there, then you will both be okay. Good Luck

Answer 2

am i the only one here that isn't brain dead?
don't take this the wrong way but these chicks if your wife had got online and the roles were reversed would say "leave his sorry a-ss"
and you don't have a problem with this? she screwed another man she screwed another man not you not the one that was keeping her up but the little fling on the side that don't take care of her when she is sick or don't feel good. Dude you need to grow some balls tell her you want a pay back you pick out a chick and she has to be OK with it if she isn't then shes snowballing you dude. Damn i wouldn't care if it was yesterday or 20 years ago she broke the vows and if your not religious like me she broke your trust to be your woman as you was to be her man no other. Christ you took it better than i would have.
Hell she might have been in the dentist office right now getting false teeth if that had been me. lol great conversations yeah right one day you will understand when she leaves you for a stronger man

Answer 3

If you don't mind then there is no other way to respond. Did your sex life suffer at the time she was having the affair? Maybe you are turned on by the notion of her being with other men. Sometimes women will have an affair for the same reasons that guys do which is just for pictures and something different. It makes the sex better all around but there are many out there that will disagree with me. Do you feel that you have lost respect for your wife? Why don't you mind, when there are other men that would leave the woman even if they love her with all their heart?

Answer 4

Well your talking to someone who's husband that that to her as well....and he cheating so many times. All I can say is you know your wife best. You know how she has changed over the last 8 to 9 years you have a gut feeling on rather or not your wife will do it again.

Good luck. But from you descirbe I think I would give her a shot. It sounds like you two has grown up a lot and have moved on since then and if that is the case..maybe go to counseling and just work on moving forward.

Answer 5

Id still feel betrayed, but if it was 8 or 9 years ago and it was a one time deal.. and things between us have grown better in that time, id be alittle more able to forgive but i would probably feel insecure for awhile.. although it was adultery and theres no excuse for it at any time, its kinda hard to break a part a marriage 8 or 9 years after the fact especially if things have increasingly gotten better through the years and she realized from the start what a huge mistake she had made..

Answer 6

I applaud the both of you for being able to work it out, not everyone would stay with someone after they cheated.

I personally wouldn't stay in a relationship if my other half was to cheat on me. I also believe there are different venues of cheating.
If I knew of the person I was with was or had cheated on me I would wonder for the rest of the time if that person was still taking advantage of me or what they were doing with their day.

I know that if the two of you have gotten threw this than you can make it threw anything.

The funny thing is I watching Dr. Phil the other day, and the couples that have gone threw similar and just plain trust issues were to be an open book to one another for about three weeks for the couples to regain trust in eachother.
Wither or not it works I don't know.
good luck to the both of you.

Answer 7

I am a 21 yr old male and not married, however I would like to think that I would not be upset. It would hurt perhaps a little and the fact that it was many years ago does play into affect too. I would respond by looking at the last years of my life with her and remembering all of the good times where we were faithful. I would forgive and forget dude.

She loves you, people make mistakes, and because she told you she is truely sorry. Let it go, which sounds like you did and enjoy the rest of your lives together for life's too short to be unhappy!

GOOD LUCK

Answer 8

In my personal opinion, marriage is a holy union, and I don't believe that you should have sex with anyone except your spouse. However I also believe that if your spouse does something like that. You should forgive them and continue to love them. "For Better or Worse". (that part of the vows is there for a reason!)

She showed remorse, and she apologized, and she confessed. It's in the past, let it stay there.

Continue to move forward and grow in your marriage.

Having conversations about sex with your wife is not wrong as long as it pertains to ONLY the two of you. Suggesting new things to try in your bedroom/sexual life is not wrong (trust me). It's exciting, It's healthy, It's encouraged.

Marriage isn't suppose to be dull, or stale, or depressing. Marriage is sharing your life with someone you choose out of all of the people in the world because you love them. Marriage is growing with that person, and doing both old and new things together, learning more about yourself as well as them with each day.

Joy in your wife, and Joy in your marriage.

Blessings To You & Yours

Answer 9

I would be greatful that she told me, and that she chose me! Please don't let something from the past ruin your future with her now. She could have not told you, and you wouldn't have never known, but she felt like she needed to, so be proud that she loves you enough to be honest. What I would give for a honest spouse. Don't punish her or hold it over her heard. Forget and get looking forward. I loved the fact that you said it didn't really matter as long as she's still with you. She is....9 years later she still picks you to come home to. She made a mistake, we are all human, but this shouldn't ruin the relationship you have now with her. Please forget it, put it out of your mind, focus on the fact that she is with you! and she loves YOU!
God bless us all........

Answer 10

I think it may be possible to continue forward in your relationship but it will be a lot of work. My only warning is that it has been my experience that when someone is unfaithful, it tends to be a character flaw that has nothing to do with you. More simply put, if your wife has already cheated on you, it is likely that she will do it again. I would like to believe in happily ever after. Please feel free to keep me posted on how things go.