I am no spring chicken and have a close friend who has given me every indication he is either gay or bi (probably bi). Neither one of us are young any more. It sort of irks me how he can't tell me flat out about his orientation. I'm not going to announce it to the world. It's his constant hiding and avoidance of the issue that really gets to me. Yes, I came out to him and that did not change our friendship at all.
2006-08-19 02:59:11 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
(a) coming out will definately change the way you look at him and he does not want this change even if it is for the better.
(b) you said it did not change your friendship with him but yes it definately did change the way he thinks about you forever whelther you felt the effects or not.
(c)He may be worried that you fancy him when he doesn't fancy you. And of course, this will end your friendship or decrease its closeness and he does not want that.
(d)He may not be gay/bi coz when we are so fixated with something, we used whatever bits of hints to confirm our perceptions. Did other people who knows him well said he's very much gay/bi?
(e) As other posters have said, coming out is a very personal thing. so when he's ready he will say so.
(f) If you really must know, ask him specific questions that you think will validate him as a gay/bi.
2006-08-19 09:49:02 · answer #1 · answered by Langdon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it can have something to do with the era they were raised in. middle age is likely human beings born contained in the 1950's - 1960's. Their mothers and fathers were from a time the position homosexuality became completely taboo and noteworthy.. it became a disease. undesirable undesirable undesirable shame on you way of questioning. This handed itself off to the youngsters who in later years did not deny the actual undeniable truth that they were homosexuals..yet they did not announce or "promote" the very truth loudly for concern of being disgraced or punished even. even even with the undeniable fact that they'd have friends on a similar concern per chance they don't sense that it really is well mannered or what have you ever to talk mattress room concerns with others. they'd sense that they prefer now to not talk their orientation with others because, properly what's there to talk about? it really is existence, it really is their inner most existence there is not any favor to intricate or to divulge oneself. There are the few that do convey their orientation and announce loud and sparkling how proud they're... yet for the most section I have got here across that this is the more youthful generations that publicize their sexuality be they right now or gay .. the older ones have a tendency to be extra discreete with their affairs. in case you the asker have a particular individual in ideas.. it can be a good concept to ask him about it in a private placing the position he feels maximum comfortable and danger-free. He would imagine that you're right now and in no way favor to offend you or grant you with the concept you've been being encounter. To get him to open up, you could first open your self and per chance that receives the ball rolling :)
2016-11-30 19:49:15 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Either you're misreading the signs, or he is indeed DEAD afraid of being exposed. It doesn't have to be a rational fear. WHen I was in highschool, there were people I KNEW I could trust (if only because I had "the dirt" on them; they came out to me first) but I had this neurotic thing about keeping the gay world seperate from the school world. Let him do what he will on his own time.
2006-08-19 09:44:57 · answer #3 · answered by Atropis 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's never easy to come out, in fact I've never come out other then on the net and a few people I choosed to tell, I know with me I don't tell so I don't hurt anyone or get rejected. But as I get older I think at one point I'm going to have to shock the world LOL
2006-08-19 07:53:52 · answer #4 · answered by Super 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Simply because of negative reactions. I've "lost" people who I thought wouldn't give my sexuality a second glance. The realization that they weren't really friends doesn't come til much later and even so, it still hurts.
2006-08-19 03:18:20 · answer #5 · answered by IndyT- For Da Ben Dan 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Coming out is a very personal experience as you well know. Some people never get there, and you have to respect that.
It shouldn't be personal insult to you that your friend doesn't want to come out to you. It's his life to live as he chooses. You can always ask him outright if you want to, but if he doesn't want to open up, let it be.
2006-08-19 03:07:04 · answer #6 · answered by knightofsappho 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Is it "wishful thinking" on your part?
If you're gay and have 'come out', then you know exactly what it's like....how scary it can he and how hurt you can get.
I guess if he really trusted you, he might be able to talk to you about it.
Maybe he just doesn't trust you.
2006-08-19 03:45:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
some people don't want to admit things because they're afraid of saying it out loud.
2006-08-19 03:56:50 · answer #8 · answered by kittens 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Because people talk.
2006-08-19 07:29:04 · answer #9 · answered by The Beast 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋