My boyfriend and i have been together a couple of years and he has 3 grown kids 20 plus but every pay day they have thier hands out and he helps them so they don't end up moving n with us. It's getting ridiculous. the main one even has her mother living with her (his ex wife of 20 years). I don't want 2 b rude to them but they r drowning him in debt while i pay our bills.
2006-08-18 23:21:07 · 5 answers · asked by Happi @ss 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
it's time for you to leave. He will always spoon feed those kids becuse he has some guilt about their past together, and that will beat your future any day of the week
2006-08-18 23:28:56 · answer #1 · answered by corwinnn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1) If you and your boyfriend are going anywhere special then you need to take action.
2) If your boyfriend is nothing more than a "friends with benefits" -- do nothing.
3) If you and your boyfriend ARE going somewhere special with this relationship -- you should remind him that raising his children to be grown is HIS responsibility NOT yours.
a) Remind him that he is responsible for providing his children food, clothing, shelter up to age 18.
b) Since the children are all over the age limit - he has fulfilled all of his legal obligations. This is where it gets good. Your boyfriend should only give money over and above his legal obligations, if he so chooses, when he has DISCRETIONARY INCOME. Since he is drowning in a sea of debt -- he can't give!
c) Remind your boyfriend that as long as you are writing checks that pay for the overhead of the place you are domiciled -- the children moving in was and IS NEVER an option. And tell him "Don't get it twisted!".
d) Newsflash -- This is not getting ridiculous. It IS ridiculous. You need to remind your boyfriend that love starts with letting your children grow and learning to let go. Letting them grow means throwing them out of the nest and letting them fend on their own -- It is part of the animal kingdom and it is part of the human existence. They are grown and have to deal with the real world eventually. No time like the present. As long as your boyfriend finances and enables his children's irresponsibility, they will abuse him and YOU under the guise of family loyalty and family roles.
e) In all fairness, he should give them one more payday and remind them that after that do NOT come by or call for money. That's what payday loans and credit cards are for!
2006-08-19 00:02:31 · answer #2 · answered by DaMan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
speak to your partner as it is affecting the quality of life you both should have, its unfair of you to pay everything while his children gets his money, what would happen if you were not arouund to pay the bills? would they still get his money then? he needs to speak to them and advise them that they need to get a job as he can no longer afford to fund them, also, the one who has her mother living with her needs to discuss the financial arrangements in the household as the daughter is obviously finding it hard to manage. If this doesn't work, then give him notice that next pay day he will be responsible for all bills and you will be paying nothing from now on....save your money and give yourself an holiday and if you feel generous enough give him one too.
2006-08-18 23:33:22 · answer #3 · answered by felicitym2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I got here from a divorsed family members. it extremely is actual no longer undemanding for the youngsters and various of alternative what you notice could desire to be them basically appearing out as a results of fact they do in comparison to being shuffled decrease from side to side. as far as a results of fact the spanking, it is not your place to spank them and it will reason you problems. yet you do have the main dazzling to set regulations in place and carry them to blame for their movements. Take privelages removed from them. it form of seems such as you're they only 1 that rather cares approximately those childrens and sooner or later they'll see that. basically be there for them and coach them a thank you to be reliable, repectable human beings. It will no longer be undemanding yet in an prolonged time down the line it extremely is going to likely be helpful. reliable success!
2016-12-17 13:31:50 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to deal with your boyfriend. If he wants to give them money, he can, all you can do is end the relationship. But make it clear to him there is another option, don't give them money and never let them move in with you. Tough love, but he doesn't want to support them still when they're 40.
2006-08-18 23:27:12 · answer #5 · answered by Kanga_tush2 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋