Love is true, to believe, to receive,
yet so blind , to be, to see,
Yet there's still people, who reject the fate given,
And even people, shows force against the heaven.
Look aside, from what image you see,
And listen, to your heart, the truth to set free.
2006-08-18 21:17:36 · 16 answers · asked by Ace Striker 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
Nice content!
How about:
Love is true...
to believe,
to receive.
Love is blind...
to be,
to see.
Still... people reject fate...
show force against Heaven...
look aside,
from images seen.
Listen...
to your heart,
"the Truth will set you free."
(since, "the Truth will set you free" is quote from the Holy Bible... or any quote for that matter, you have to attribute it as a quote when you use it.
You have good thoughts!
Keep pairing down... and get rid of any extra words.
Keep it as simple as possible... using the visual images to just convey your thought.
:-) Hope that helped. Keep working on it.
2006-08-18 21:32:03 · answer #1 · answered by LL 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion, I like the first stanza, the rest could use work. I don't have a suggestion, but in overall, the poem is good. It's mysterious and maybe you should submit it to the authors of Chicken Soup for the Soul. Hey, it might be published.
2006-08-18 21:25:44 · answer #2 · answered by Brandon (bmsc208) 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your poem is nice, L L's revision is awesome, and lefang's suggestion of adding music is great. Now let's put all these together and make it a romantic love song!
2006-08-18 21:40:28 · answer #3 · answered by Kanda 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
not bad. Good use of consonance and rhyme. The subject is just so overwritten about that some of it sounds familiar. ITs not a slam, its just a tough subject.
2006-08-18 21:23:14 · answer #4 · answered by Nestor Desmond 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I Like it, very nice. I write poetry as well but not today.
2006-08-18 21:26:16 · answer #5 · answered by unwise_blonde 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you are involved with the invisible vein of colors
_involved means
in LOVE
2006-08-19 00:32:43 · answer #6 · answered by student 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nice. Keep going.
2006-08-18 21:22:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
now set it to music,theres a challenge, it aint half bad.
2006-08-18 21:32:34 · answer #8 · answered by lefang 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
personally, Im not much for rhyming poems
2006-08-18 21:23:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Its soooooooooooo nice
2006-08-18 21:36:27 · answer #10 · answered by NANI 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋