My bf fiance of 3 years just broke up with me he said hes scared?

Question

He came to my house sat down and started crying n shaking really bad saying hes scared he doesnt feel the same about me but also scared of losing me he said he loves me so much but he then asked me weather i could see us together in 20 yrs time i said yeh and he freaked out even more holding me crying saying well why cant i babe why cant i im so scared, i ran out crying didnt know what to do feel like my world has come crashing down on me then i hear from my parents that a week before he was asking them how they managed to survived when they first got there own house cause he wanted us to live togther but wanted to make sure we had enough money and that i didnt see any of this coming im so confused whats wrong with him? is he scared? what do i do? :( please help any advice would be good thanks alot xmelx

Thank you everyone you are great :) yes i do love him dearly i do want the best for him i just wanted to show you what im going to post to him and would like you to tell me wheather its ok :
dear sean i know you say you dont feel the same and that your didnt miss me when you went away but didnt you relise ill love was deeper then that,maybe thats why you ran again you freak yourself like last time i should have relised it would happen again cause you didnt even get help with your issues last time , i spoke to someone that made me see sence of it all , i know your probably think nope not true but how long are you going to keep lieing to yourself your only happier because you have ran away from us again so you dont have to deal with your issues let me make it clear to you that i am not writing this letter to get you back because i dont want that i want you to do it by yourself tackle your demons just like i did for us when i was scared of someone loving me as much as you did

now im not denieing that you feel happier now ,but its only cause you have ran away from us again because you got so scared of what could have been which is your problem it happened before you said "i dont feel the same,i feel happier on my own" because your so scared of failing in everythink so i hope that what i have heard about you going coucilling is true because you need to do it for YOU i am here for you as a friend though,only through email and thats it i hope you dont think im pressuring you cause im not you know i care for you so much and only want the best for you so much and only want the best for you thats why im writing but you can carry on running if you want because im not doing the chasing no more you life your choices
good luck in what you choose to do hope you make that right desision love melissa x

does that sound ok?

Answer 1

the letter is fine,i hope things go good for you,you seem like a nice person, I find that if you truly love someone,it never dies,and if it does die maybe it wasn't true love after all,take care of yourself,remember time will tell, and believe it or not,it heals too.god bless

Answer 2

I sorry to be the barrier of bad news but maybe its for the better. Why get involved with someone that doesn't share the same feelings you do. You seem like a smart person so meeting new people shouldn't be a problem. Just remember it's not fault for the break-up , its his. You given him your time and respect and if he doesn't appreciate that then move on. It hurts now but in the long run you'll be o.k.. Don't even try to get an answer from him, he'll just give you an excuse after excuse, why put yourself though the drama. Be strong and take it one day at a time..karma has a way of rewarding good people in life, Keep you head up and don't frown on life, its only going to get better for you.

Answer 3

You need to be supportive here. Relationships when they begin are full of spice and zing, it’s a hormonal thing. After a few years this wears off and another kind of love kicks in. That’s the caring and security side. This transition should naturally take place but it isn’t always so. So you’ll have to help it. He’s scared to lose you because these changes are taking place and he has difficulty adjusting. Make that extra special effort he clearly loves you. Life is about helping each other out throughout your lives and at some point you might need help. This forms a bond between you that gets stronger with time.

If things are stagnating between you both then do things together that are different. Things where you have to rely on each other. This will give him confidence in you and again strengthen the bond between you both.

Answer 4

Your letter if any for your own closer should be one where you tell him the truth of how bad he has disappointed you. All those years for nothing. Then you need to realize even though it's bad and it hurts and it's sad you have to go on without him. It's better to have him leave you now then have you left with the baby and the mortgage. Girl married life is work and you need two strong people to work at it. when you add children it really requires a lot of scarifice for a long time. So if your man is already scared what would you do with him when you been up all night with a crying baby? Then even if you make it through that what's going to happen if you make through your child teen years and they hate you like most teens do,and you need love and support. where you going to get it? from the internet? Let him go you need a strong man not a scared crying man. Oh can you see it, the baby is crying and so is daddy?

Answer 5

I hate to say this to you but it sounds like there might be someone else. What struck me was the fact that he didn't miss you when you guys were apart. It's a red flag because if anything he should have missed you so much that he wouldnt want you guys to be apart. Everything happens for a reason. If you stay together, and then he pulls this on you again by then it might be too late cause you could have found so much better. You see yourself together in 20 years but he doesnt!!! I think that he will always love you though, good luck.

Answer 6

first, do u love him? do u wanna spend the rest of ur life with him?
If yes, to both, give him a bit of time to calm down then go see him, ask if u can talk.U both need to know what u want and what the other wants.
It could be he's insecure and thinks u r too good for him, or he doesn't love u and didn't wanna hurt ur feelings. Ask him to be honest with u. Sounds to me that he is scared, doesn't want to lose u, but at the same time, is afraid u would end up hating him.
U need to be understanding, but honest. Don't be coy around the issues that are important.
Hope this helps, let me know how it turns out. Good Luck.

Answer 7

He doesn't really know what he wants at this point and time, I don't know how old he is, but I bet you are both very young. He needs to have time to think things through and just the thought of being in a long term relationship with just one person is probably a little more than he can take right now. I think it's great that he let you know that now, instead of actually getting married and fooling around with every Sally, Mary and Jane. Give him time, if his heart is really with you, he'll come back. It might take a little time, but if you really love him, it might be worth the wait!

Answer 8

Did he say he DOESN'T feel the same about you? Or He THINKS he doesn't feel the same about you?? I f he said he Doesn't feel the same then he DON'T so you need to let him go and move on with your life !!!! Cause you know when you love someone, you don't question your love?? even if he THINKS he doesn't feel the same , then he is questioning his love for you and that is not a good sign !!!! He has DOUBTS so you don't want to marry him!!! If he isn't for sure then let him go for least awhile to see what happens, if he doesn't come back it wasn't meant to be !! If you Love something , set it Free, if it comes back it was meant to be!!! but I'd tell him I'm not hanging on to him while he figures out his feelings, so start dating again!! good luck !

Answer 9

You need to give it some time, he's probably scared of the whole commitment thing. Many couple date for years and when they finally get married they stay together forever where as someone who rushes into it, many times end up getting divorced over something stupid. If you two truly love each other wait.

Answer 10

there's not alot you can do. he really is scared and maybe just not ready. you can only try to give him some time to work it out. this is one of those things where you have to hold on to yourself and tell yourself that whatever happens you'll be ok. while you wait keep busy. do things that will make you fel good and see you friends and try to boost your self-esteem. try not to hassle him and just leave him to himself..I know that's hard and you are going to cry alot but you've got to let him choose for himself. if after two weeks to haven't heard from him then cotact him and ask him what he wants to do. prepare yourself for moving on. you can't force someone to love you and you deserve love. after 3 years you should know how you feel. good luck honey xx

Answer 11

its not fair him treating like this.i think he is scared.a lot of guys are like kids. and the idea of being that much of a grown up scares him.just give him some space and time on his own to think things through.or you could try giving him a scare and say something like,you don't know how you feel about him anymore and you don't know if you still love him.if he thinks hes gonna lose you .it might make him realize how much you mean to him.its happened to me.i turned it around and he wanted me more than ever.good luck.hope everything turns out