This one is for the bisexuals (If you need a label) & everyone else too no hate msgs plz?

Question

I've known I was attracked to women long before I really had any kind of attraction to men. I have never been w/ a woman beyond kissing etc...after coming to college I ended up in a relationship w/a man. I am not really the cheating type & I have been faithful. My problem is my bf wants to get engaged. all this got me thinking that maybe he isn't "the one" the feelings I have toward him are more like friendship. If we were to breakup I would still want to be friends but he says that would be to painful for him. Several of my friends think I should just stay w/him because I would be happy but maybe not completely happy. I really don't know what to do. I don't want to get married & regret not at least dating a woman or end up meeting "the one" be it a man or woman after I am already married What would be worse being married to your best friend
& then meeting the one OR Not marrying your best friend & regreting it later because there was no such thing as the one?

I have discussed it with him and he says we do not have to get married until I am ready but I feel like the long I wait the longer I am kind of cheating him out of his time to find someone else. He is 8 years older than me and seems to be really ready for marriage. I am 20

He knows that I am bisexual. He is not very comfotable around gay ppl but doesn't say negitive things to me however that is here in the US he is from the Bahamas how he acts at home I don't know. We have been together going on 2 years.

Answer 1

please don't get roped into a marriage that wasn't meant to be because it will be unfair to u both. u both will be unhappy and the divorce rate these days is unreal. "the one" does exist. i found my soul mate. we have been together for 12 years and we are still in love. not just we love each other. i mean in love. he is my best friend, the greatest lover i've ever had, and consumes every aspect of my life. too many people are marrying thinking that maybe there isn't true love out there and if they don't marry this one maybe they won't find anyone better. never ever marry until u know without a doubt that this person is who u want to spend the rest of your life with. whether that person is male or female doesn't matter. u fall in love with the heart and who that person is no matter what equipment they have. don't settle for second in line when the first in line is truly there. u just have to wait for that person to come into your life. u will know it when the time is right and then u will have a complete life with that person. don't settle for less- everyone deserves the best. good luck btw when u find the one- that person will love every aspect of u both good and bad.

Answer 2

My first piece of advice to you would be to get new friends. I would never be friends with anyone who would prefer that I settle for the illusion of happiness over the real thing. Secondly never let anyone pressure you into getting married. We are practically the same age so we are pretty much on the same page in regards to emotional maturity. Why should you, at the tender age of twenty settle down because your "boyfriend" wants to? Have you seen the divorce rate in this country? I honestly don't see why you even want to get married at all. Further more if you know that he isn't "the one" (despite your question you seem pretty sure that he isn't) then why would marrying him even be an option? I don't want to sound cliché but the truth is that he may just want to marry because he thinks it's time for him to settle down or becuase his friends are doing it act. 28 year olds aren't above good old fashion peer pressure. If he really loved you then he would wait until you are absolutely ready even if that means waiting 2 or 3 years. What bother me the most is that because he is 28 he has already experienced things that being married will prohibit you from ever experiencing. It's easy for him to want to get married now because he has already partied and grown and done all of the things that happen between the ages of 20 and 30. So I think that if you want to be certain about who you are in terms of your sexuality and your desire to be married then you have to have more experiences. Maybe you two should take a break and you should use that time to discover who you are. If he can't wait for you then you are better off not marrying him anyway.

Good Luck!!

Answer 3

After years of experience, I have become a little more cynical. I now believe that there is no such thing as "the one". I would take my time if I were you and have a long engagement. If a marriage is going to last it seems to me that being best friends is a good thing. If he really is your best friend you should be able to talk to him about yourself. I know that it is hard. Now days people are more open about stuff like that, so hopefully he won't freak out if you have not told him. Some guys like it. If you are honest, and he can't deal with it that is his choice. If he can deal with it, you will have a closer and stronger relationship. If he hates lesbians and bisexuals, he may break up with you, and expose you. If he does that will be his choice, so his heart should not be a big concern. Are you familiar with the term, " being in the closet" if he does expose you that may lead you in the direction a finding a best friend/ lover that is a woman. Give him a chance first. If he can't deal with the honest truth that is his problem not yours. Put yourself and your life first. As long as you are honest with him and yourself you should not have anything to regret.

Answer 4

Good you're thinking about that, i should have done it before i got married. sometimes or my reason why i got into marriage is that, in our culture, Filipino is very conservative when it comes in sexuality and family. though i just wanted to have a kid of my own and i know what i wanted in life(girl) i got married without thinking the consequence. I'm not saying i regret the whole thing, because now i have a wnoderful son w/ me but the point is that, i should not got into marriage because somehow i ruin the life of my husband, the rest is mine to know. THe bottom line is, do not get married and don't expect him to be a friend, respect his deciscion and be true to yourself, maybe being a lesbain is not your main reason, maybe you're not yet ready and he's not athe right man for you yet. Take time to think...Good luck

Answer 5

If you feel he's more of a friend...I think it would be like lying to him to get married. And marriage won't magically fix anything; it's just going to put off the inevitable and make it that much worse. It sounds like you're young and you still need your freedom. There's nothing wrong with that. If he can't get over that enough to continue hanging out with you, that's his problem but at least you'll know you've been honest.

Answer 6

My g/f is bi and I love the fact that she is..... but not everyone is into that! We goto clubs where she can be with other girls sexually and make out. i love to watch and because she is bi and not a lesbian, I have nothing to loose by letting her do this. Its hot to watch too and she gets off being watched...... Again this is not for everyone, but if you want to try being with a girl and your b/f isn't up for it, maybe you two should take a break and you need to discover what it is you really want. being bi is not a crime and if he doesnt like it, there are many guys out there that will be supportive of your situation. In the end you may not even like being with a girl, but until you try it you will never know

Answer 7

i was u 2 years ago......i was dating a girl who my family and friends had pressured me into getting with....i was getting ready to go off to college and she was talking marriage....i knew i was attracted to men....but i hadn't told anyone else....so i shrugged it off for a while and went on to college....while there i met the most amazing man ever.....we were together every day talking and laughing.....he respected that i had a girlfriend and never pressured me about anything....and i found it soooooo much easier to b wit him and b around him so i decided (as painful as it was) to break up wit her......and i tried dating the guy.....we dated for a long time until a job called him away....but now were trying the long distance thing.....so my advice to u is this.......u say u don't wanna get married..............DON"T......don't marry someone because u feel its the right thing to do.....or because ur scared theres no one else......if u dont love him dont marry him....and if he cant accept u as u r and still b willing to b friends.......then he doesnt love u as much as he says he does......so follow ur heart girlfriend.........and do wats right for u........nobody else.......

Answer 8

you need to discuss this with your man. if he is a real man, he will understand. otherwise, he is taking advantage of you. do what makes you happy. divorce rates are at an all time high. if you are young, you really need to think about that. there are too many statistics to discuss here. not to discourage marriage even though i don't believe in it though. just do what makes you happy and be with whoever makes you happy. good luck

Answer 9

It might do you some good to have some solo time to explore your feelings. If you are having this much doubt now, do you think it will go away next year or ten years from now? Do some soul searchng but don't let him hang. Be honest with him.

Answer 10

If you do not stand for something you will fall for anything.And when you fall you may have a problem getting back up.I have been single so far and don't know why "the ONE" has not showed up?I agree with what Jewel said for the most of it.Pray,and Let go and Let GOD!! PEACE!!