Why do I care about my ex-boyfriend and his new life even if I shouldn't?

Question

My ex-boyfriend and I had been 4 years together (from 17 to 21) but I broke up with him one year ago. I've been hearing from him just once in a while since then -- on msn messenger. But today I learnt from his friend that he has a new girlfriend and that they've been together for many months already... When I learnt that I felt horrible. But I know I have no reaons to feel that way cuz I don't have feelings anymore for him. I guess I'm just jealous because I know he's happy now with his new girlfriend while I'm here still getting hurt by other guys. Has it ever happened to you? Or am I just crazy?

Answer 1

You've obviously invested a lot of time and commitment to him, and even though your relationship has changed, there's still that deep-rooted emotional investment. It's kind of like coming across an old toy or memento from your childhood....even though you don't need it any more, you can still feel an attachment. It'll wane in time, and you just need to get your own path going once more....

Answer 2

When you are truly over him and ready to move on you will not feel this way anymore. I had a similar experience when I was the same age. It took me 2 long years to realize that it was really over and we were really never ever going to get back together.

In the meantime even if you see other people you are likely to carry baggage from your past relationship because your heart is burdened. Use this time instead to rediscover yourself. You're young... start planning your future without him. (I'm sure the two of you had many plans together that you must now re-evaluate). Stop talking to him and his friends. You may be able to be friends later, but right now it's just making you miserable by not allowing your broken heart to heal. Build a life that you love and fill it with things that make you happy. Then one day you will suddenly look up and realize that you are doing so good you'll be glad you got the courage to break it off and keep it off.

Answer 3

I think you do have feelings for him. After all you shared four years together. That's a lot of history together and it's only normal that you remember the good times as well as the ones that caused you to break it off with him. I think that's happened to all us girls more than once. My ex-husband has been remarried for many years. My second husband has been dead several years. There were serious moral issues with my first husband that made marriage to him impossible to sustain. But I still think about him a lot. I've decided I think about what I thought he was when we married and what I wish he had been, not what he was, so we could have enjoyed a good life together.

Answer 4

You're feelings are natural, and you will work through them. Even though you were the one who left, it doesn't mean you didn't have feelings for him. You're right it probably does boil down to jealousy, but four years with a person is a long time. If you are being hurt by guys, maybe you need to take a break and get to know yourself a little better. Figure out why you are attracting or are attracted to men who hurt you. Once you understand the problem, you can fix it and be with a man who is right for you.

Answer 5

Think of it this way: be your own boss. You are too good to allow some idiot to divert your attention like this. Be on a mission to not get even, just get better. I would acknowledge him but would not engage in any conversation. There is no point to that. Take pride that you took the high road and you didn't engage in any behavior to make you feel poorly about yourself. Be classy (even though I hate that word.) Pretend he is some minor acquaintance that you once had a conversation with. Don't be rude, just acknowledge him and don't let him have power over you.
I would also mention that you hope he and his bimbo that he is cheating on (since he is checking on you) are getting along just swimmingly!! This will let him know that you aren't desperate or dumb. You can think evil thoughts but just take the high road in your behavior.

Answer 6

u may still have a lil bit of feelings, i wouldnt worry about it right now, but if u find that hes always on ur mind and u cant help but wonder what he is doing than u no that u still like him. 4 years of dating sum1 will give u feelings for him that may last awhile, 4 years of ur life is hard to forget u no what im sayin. no ur not crazy its completely normal, it happens to alot of people, but time goes on and they either forget them or they get back with them

Answer 7

You may actually still have feelings for him and just not realize it or as you said, it could be because he is doing well while you are not so much. I sort of get a feeling like that when some of my friends get boy/girlfriends because I don't have one.

Answer 8

No you are not crazy and yes you are jealous...not necessarily of him but that he is happy and you are not. You are wallowing in self pity because you have a low self esteem. Read up on that and get yourself a life or you will repeat this same scenario ove and over.

Answer 9

yeah its easy to feel this way about an ex, especially if they hurt you. some of mine have gone on to have kids and get married and it made me think wow, i apparently wasn't good enough but the next girl was. you really can't get over it until you find someone else or you don't hear about him anymore. try not to find out anything about him, tell mutual friends you don't want to know. pretend his life is miserable, it always makes me feel better. over time you really won't care anymore about how he is doing.

Answer 10

Deep down, you still have feeling for him. Go out and find someone else, I'm sure you are a beautiful woman and can get whoever you want. I live in Georgia, if you are ever here, look me up.