I have been married for 10 years come January. Most of it has been wonderful, but lately I can't seem to take it any longer. I love my wife with all my heart, and I don't want to get divorced. Every time I try and say something, though, she tells me I am yelling. I try and tell her that I am just talking and she tells me I am defensive. I try to talk about the children, and she cuts me off and gets upset with me. After trying to tell her what I am thinking and getting cut off and yelled at, I get upset and start yelling back. Then she says I am getting out of control and tells me she is going to spend the night at her mother's house.
I don't know what to do. Sometimes it seems like I can't please her for anything, and other times I am getting frustrated over her. I can't get her to communicate in a positive way, and most the time she doesn't want to touch me or kiss me. My marriage is on the shambles. How can I get her to realize she is the most important thing to me?!
2006-08-18 16:15:01 · 21 answers · asked by Thunder 3 in Social Science ➔ Sociology
Thank you all for your help and kind words. I wish I could choose all of you to get 10 points, but I can only choose one. God bless you all.
2006-08-21 09:23:19 · update #1
Read the book "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus"... we really do speak two different languages.
And... Rules For A Happy Marriage
1) Never be angry at the same time.
2) Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire.
3) If one of you has to win an argument let it be the other one.
4) If you have to criticize, do it lovingly.
5) Never bring up mistakes of the past.
6) Neglect the whole world rather than one another.
7) Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled.
8) At least, once everyday, try to say one kind complimentary
thing to your partner.
9) When you have done something wrong, be ready to admit it
and ask for forgiveness.
2006-08-18 16:28:07 · answer #1 · answered by mama_bears_den 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Counseling. Fix any money problems, that is always a big strain in marriage. How much time do you spend at home doing things as a family and more importantly as a couple? Do you have a date night together? Lots of things to consider. I would guess she has a different side of the story, but if you are honestly trying to communicate and facilitate open dialog and she is rebuffing you, something else is going on.
You also need to look at how you are communicating. Keep alcohol out of the conversation, pick a good relaxed time to talk. Make sure you have plenty of time for a sit down discussion, try to see things from her perspective, don't yell, think of yourself as a customer service representative and be "professional" don't even give her an excuse to avoid the topic of conversation. Sometimes people pick an argument to avoid the real issue. Use "I" communications to say how you are feeling. When she says something, take a moment and restate it to clarify and acknowledge what idea is being shared. But if you feel like the communication lines are closed, suggest marriage counseling. Communicate your feelings for her with words, but you better be backing up those words with actions. Do you help around the house with little stuff? You could come home and do the laundry and clean, so she wouldn't have too, then she might be in a more agreeable state of mind. Be overly kind, go out of your way. If she doesn't respond to that, she's the problem.
2006-08-18 20:02:28 · answer #2 · answered by doc_jhholliday 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sad to hear that, I guess there must be some unforgiveness or resentment that she had harboured about your past. Leaving the house after an arguement is a very bad move on either party & can become habitual. Try to resolve the matter within the home. Show love by doing something you never or rarely do for a change,eg, buying for flowers, going to movies, dinner,etc without the children. Control your tone of speech, you might not realise your own tone yourself. Cultivate more intimacy with her, both physically & emotionally.
May the peace of God be with you both.
2006-08-18 16:37:49 · answer #3 · answered by George 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try courting her again. Bring her flowers. take her out for a romantic dinner. Go to the movies and hold her hand in the dark. But most of all stop yelling. Set her down and talk to her about how you are feeling. If she is wanting out of the marriage this will give her the opportunity to say so. If not maybe she will see what is happening between you. I would suggest that you get in church and get your lives in Gods will. He can help you more with your marriage than anyone.
2006-08-18 16:26:33 · answer #4 · answered by angeldolls4u 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
sounds to me like she is going to her mothers to keep the marriage together becaue she cares about you.
Yelling does not constitute not caring.
I do understand if you're raising your voice it could be because you're not getting thru to her. And if you are raising your voice you are frightening her, overpowering her and therefore she doesn't want to be close.
You didn't say if your wife works and has a career and if there are children involved. And maybe those things would be important to know so as to be able to give you some answers.
I would suggest that the next time you go to church and your wife is next to you, ask your minister to stop by for dinner. When he is there at your place say to him you want an appointment to discuss family matters.
2006-08-18 16:35:02 · answer #5 · answered by sophieb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man, I really feel for you. I have been married for twelve years, and I am so frustrated. There's no way I'm going to give the best answer, because I don't have the answer. Just wanted you to know you are not alone. My marriage is a lot like yours. No communication. No affection.
SHE is the one with the problem! (In both our cases). That's a fact. If you're like me, you are passionate, you want to be close, you want to be your wife's lover and friend... but she is distant.
I have been contemplating divorce. I know there are women out there who would appreciate me...and you. I don't condone divorce...especially when there are children involved... but don't you think you deserve to be happy?
I don't want to get divorced either, butt I've been the only one trying to contribute to this marriage. When is enough enough?
Think about it, and I wish you the best.
2006-08-18 16:56:46 · answer #6 · answered by bystander1212 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
This is one for marriage and family counseling. I have been married for almost 8 years and communication is the key that has kept us happy. If your communication has ceased, then sometimes it takes an outside professional to help.
2006-08-20 04:38:54 · answer #7 · answered by Sterling 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The secret to a happy marriage is to marry a truck driver who is gone most of the time and when he/she does come home you can only fight for a limited amount of time because he has to be back at work within a week or so.
The down side to this is that you continually have to worry about STDs because you never know what kind of special lady he/she is picking up in a truck stop parking lot.
2006-08-18 16:41:33 · answer #8 · answered by Sherry L 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
On this rare occasion, I am actually NOT being sarcastic (lol) but if your wife is anywhere between her mid 40's to say, her mid 50's... she may be going through menopause. I have no idea how old she is, so obviously, I am taking a wild guess. Try and get her to her doc, and see what doc says. And/or maybe try counseling? Good luck to the both of you.
2006-08-18 16:25:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like she wants out. I suggest counseling. The only way to save this is to have a 3rd party set the limits. And, LISTEN to the advice.
You two haven't talked for so long that you are strangers.....I wish you the best of luck!
2006-08-18 16:22:13 · answer #10 · answered by newsgirlinos2 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋