My Wife Had an Affair...?

Question

I am now out over $10,000.00 in legal fees, etc. If I sue the man she had the affair with my chances of winning are very remote since there is no alienation of affection law in my state. I could sue him for intentional infliction of emotional harm or invasion of privacy but, again, my chances of winning are remote.

However, if I don't win I want to advise him that if he doesn't reimburse me my legal fees I will mass mail a letter to his business associates, colleagues, neighbors, etc. outlining everything that happened. I understand that the "truth" is an absolute defense to libel or slander. However, my question is this: Could I be sued for extortion or blackmail? I don't want to do anything immoral or illegal. But, I should not be out the legal fees since I'm not the one who committed adultery, abandoned our home, kids, and marriage.

Answer 1

Much as I sympathize with you for your pain, I have to tell you that you will be publicly airing your dirty linen if you do this, and more people will think you are a psycho than will care that he had an affair with a married woman. This happens all the time, and the only thing you are doing is showing the world that you can't get over it. Do you really want to give these two people that much power over you?
Chalk it up to a tough life experience, and release your anger about it in a less self-distructive way. Write them both letters telling them off, and then destroy the letters, and move on with your life. Living well is the best revenge, they say. Find yourself a new woman who is not so fickle. This guy is going to be stuck with a cheat if he stays with your ex, but you can trade up to a decent human being.

Answer 2

You're suing the wrong person. If you're going to sue, sue your wife. You can't sue him. I don't know if you can be sued for extortion or blackmail but why not err on the safe side? You're already well into a lot of legal fees. You don't want to bring any more problems to yourself by doing something that might be illegal.
I'm sorry for your situation but like I said, sue your wife, not him and if that doesn't get you anywhere, let karma do the rest.

Answer 3

Right now youre hurt. Rightfully so. However, going after the guy she had an affair with isnt going to make you feel any better...and its not going to bring her back. Sometimes people do stupid stuff (your wife). There isnt anything that you can do to retrieve the money back, and to be honest, two wrongs dont make a right. If you send something to his work and business contacts then you are the one who is going to look like a jerk. You would be lowering yourself down to their level. Divorce isnt any fun. It will take you a while to get over her. But look at it this way, at least you know now so that you can attempt to carry on with your life and find someone who deserves the love that you have to give. Good luck with it all!!

Answer 4

You poor fellow,financially and figuratively it seems. I'd say give it up for now. The one thing you don't want to do is give lawyer's more work!! You should have figured it out by now but in case you forgot remember this:
"Life has problems,but to really f*&k it up get some lawyers involved"
This mass mailing idea may seem nice to you but everyone who sees it will think of you as some sort of effeminate weenie!
Sorry to say that to you but I know I'd think something like that.
Try this out. There is a cool book out called "The Art of Getting Even" by a guy named Gary Brodsky. One idea from the book(a mild and harmless one I might add) is go by your victim with the book,let him see it and just start laughing evilly!!! You won't be doing anything to him but he doesn't know that!!! I'd say do that to your ex also! Harmless but nice and spiteful,don't you agree?
Of course there are some ideas in the book that are not so nice but I leave that to your individual conciencse.
Good luck!

Answer 5

If I were you, I would sue my wife, not the "guy", she is the one who left and the one who is causing you this pain that you are going through, so many people want to blame the "other" person and not the spouse, but in my opinion, it is the choice of the spouse whether or not they choose to have an affair...NO ONE can make a person cheat!...that is a decision he or she has to make...so I feel that you should get her to pay the fees....and just remember....AN AFFAIR TAKES TWO!!...My thoughts are with you and the kids, you take care and good luck!

Answer 6

why r u suing him??? yeah he helped ruin ur marriage and i'm sure u wanna kick his a s s... but that's not gonna help.. if ur gonna sue then sue her and file for divorce.. ur going after him but what about her, she's the one ur married to, she's the one who stepped out of ur marriage, she's the one who thought that being w/another man was more important then being w/her husband and children..

u going to his co. and broadcasting news like this might not get the reaction u want since it didn't happen in his office or the bldg he worked in.. u know how men r, they'll be high fiving him instead of putting him down.. dont' volunteer ur business until u get things done and over with..

u need to leave ur wife, and if u wanna stay w/her then u need to have her go to marriage counseling...

Answer 7

I understand how you feel, but I can't see what the guy did to you. Your wife was unfaithful. You should let her go. As for the man, I think you should leave him alone. Last year, some guy's wife came to knock on my door at midnight looking so hot. I managed to catch my breath and ask her to go. But I had wet dreams that night. Tells you anything?
If you go after that Joe and lose your money it will be because you deserve it. Please grow up and take it like a man John.

Answer 8

I think if you mail out letters to all his associates you could be held accountable and he may be able to sue you. If I was you I would just try to get over it and start out new with your kids. Right now you are just hurt and time will heal that pain, your kids need a dad now not some crazy mad man who is out to get someone and may end up in trouble himself. good luck.

Answer 9

I feel for you man, I really do. And as weird as it sounds, I understand the whole "almost a turn on" thing too...although I discovered later that it wasn't as much of a turn on as it was fodder for my jealousy and anger, and ultimately it fed my need to reassert myself as the "dominant female" (in this case) and take over, perform, be more sexual that the "other" woman. At first I lavished attention on my mate...but then I realized the reason I was doing it, and the anger returned. I felt like I was "making up" for something, and the only way I could do that was to hear all the grisly details-to make sure I was "better". Then I realized that the problem didn't start with me.

Answer 10

First realize that it is over and all of the hatred and planned revenge is not going to make you feel any better in the end. Do not waste anymore of your time or money trying to figure out how to hurt them. Instead focus on healing yourself, your home and especially your children. Unfortunately, this will be extremely difficult but with time you will begin to heal.