I think my husband may be cheating on me?

Question

we have been married for 5 yrs. have 2 children. recently had a baby. I know that it could just be because im a bit emotional from having a baby but hes behavior has changed recently. he is more distant, wants to spend more time alone, i dont mean going out because he hasnt started going out more but just likes his own space. ive recently noticed that when he is using the computer he quickly hides things when im about. he gets text messages at strange hours on his work phone even a couple of times at 1 in the the morning and he texts back when he thinks i am asleep. this happens about one to three times a week. we dont have sex as much as we did but he seems to want more than he ever did. i dont know if its just me being paranoid. he travels around with work and im wondering if he could be cheating on me whilst at work? he is a good father and a good husband but these things are out of character. how do i find out if he is cheating as i dont feel like i can confront him.

Thanks to everyone who replied. Lots of great advice from all...I cant pick a best answer as you all had good advice to offer so going to let this go to a public vote.
thank you all xx

Answer 1

Hey,

Sorry to hear this situation of yours. Lets just say he is not cheating, BUT, if he gets a text message at a strange hour again & you know he is texting back jump out the bed when you think he presses the send button and snatch the phone and check it... Or........... grab for it in a non threatening manner and if he moves the phone and dosen't want to let you see........HE IS CHEATING.

Answer 2

Well, I think you need to know, but I understand that falsely accusing someone of adultery could be very detrimental to your relationship. First I guess you need to decide what would you do if you find out that indeed he is cheating. And this may sound weird, but there are different degrees of cheating, and all wives do not respond to them the same. Some would say if he cheats once..that's it we're through. Others would say, if he repents and goes through counseling we can try to keep it together...and some marriages have been better than ever after they have been restored. I do not think anyone here can really make up your mind in your specific situation. I would want an explanation to the IM's...but if he indeed is cheating, you may be the kind of woman that needs a black and white answer. So you may want to do some undercover work, because if you just ask him, and indeed he is being unfaithful...I don't think he will come clean. He will only start being more careful and harder to catch. I am so sorry that you are having these suspitions, I truely do hope that they are unfounded and you do indeed have just a misunderstanding. To be honest, I definately think you have reason to believe he is. Also it could be that there may be the beginning of something that has not been consumated yet, which is not good...but could still be fixed. I wish you the best, I am going to pray for you right now.

Answer 3

Hugz is it at all possible that the computer thing could be him just surfing porn and feeling embarrassed to have you see what his into. The sex thing is normal you have just had a child and have changed you routine in order to care for your little one so less sex is normal ,and because of that hes not getting as much so absence makes the hubby get hotter, if you get cup cakes every day you don't care if you miss out once in a while... but if you get them once a week you want them more often" its human nature" the phone well if you can get hold of it and check the address book it might shine some light on that problem BUT HUGZ for every suspicion there can be an equally Innocent answer ask him whats going on you can talk about it with him if you don't accuse him if you do he will hit the defense mode and just clam up . I know when you suspect somethings going on with a partner you feel like the end is coming, but give him a chance like you said he is a good hubby and a great dad so don't lose that unless your sure .

Answer 4

Try asking him if everything was okay? Try talking to him first before jumping to conclusions. Although the late night text message are strange and suspicious. Talk to him first by telling him lately you have noticed some changes with him and your relationship and you feel like this is something you two need to talk about. Just tell him that you don't want to be thinking all crazy or weird and you need to know if everything is okay with you two. You will either get the answer you are looking for or the best answer he can give you at the time. Just keep in mind men goes through changes also when we a pregnant and with a new baby around. Do you think he feels left out or neglected from you getting so much attention from others with the new baby and you other child? Try doing something different or special with him to make him feel special and demanded. Good Luck

Answer 5

If he's hiding things when you walk into the room, you can darned well bet he's doing *something* he doesn't want you to know about. Gambling, porn, IM to a "special friend," or whatever.

If you're tech-savvy and he's not - or if neither of you is tech-savvy - you may be able to install a keylogger on your computer to track what he types. You can find them at places like download.com, but be wary of viruses (and be aware that anti-spyware software will find it immediately). If you have access to the bill for the telephone - which, apparently, you don't - you could see what number(s) he's corresponding with from the itemized bill.

My strongest suggestion, however, is to skip the snooping and seek professional help, whether he goes along or not. Trust is the basis of any strong marriage, and right now he doesn't have yours. If you don't have the money or the insurance to get professional help, check with the local social service agencies. My spouse and I once went to counseling in a student environment, and out of four counselors we had good luck with three.

Answer 6

I know that after a woman has a child that her emotional state is all over the place " baby blues " and rightly so( trying not to offend ) and you would think all sorts.
On the other hand the mobile phone and texts in the middle of the night are suspicous............sorry. My only other advice would be if he brings it into the bathroom with him sounds funny I know and if he hides the phone bill from you straight away.
You do have a right to know and I hope that this is not the case

Answer 7

I think that women have this sixth sense that tell us that something is not right...so you probably (I hope not) are right. What would I do?? I would confront him and ask him right there to look me in the eyes and tell me if he is cheating, he would "no I am not, how could you believe that", and then you could say something like "well, I will preffer if you tell me, I love you and I want our marriage to work, may be you are missing something and I need to know what is going on so we can fix it.
Now if you don't want to talk to him, you can become in a detective, look on his computer what websites he visited, buy a spy software for his computer that will tell you all the information he has had on it, etc, well, there is a lot you can do, even if you can afford a private detective, but my honest opinion...You don't want to become in a crazy wife, try talking to him and let him know that you are suspicious and you need to know. I wish you a very good luck, don't freak for what he says, there is always a solution for everything.

Answer 8

I was happily married for 14 years. My wife began going to Nashville to pursue a music career and long story short had an affair and came home. We went to counseling for a couple of months and she later filed for divorce. This all began in November of 2004. We are still going through the legal system concerning alimony, division of property, etc.

I found out through subpoening my wife's cell records that she was calling and text messaging the guy she had the affair with at odd hours, too, all while we were still married trying to work things out.

Has your husband began dressing differently? Does he stay longer on these "business" trips? Have you asked asked him if he is involved with someone else?

My advise is to become very "nosey". Check his cell records, palm pilot, etc. You may even want to hire an investigator if you have the resources. You can even do some of this yourself. Check his phone while he's showering. You can check the call history on the text messsages, phone calls (received and sent), etc. Scruitinize your bank statments, credit card statements for unusal spending patterns. A man will spend alot of money in an affair, i.e. expensive gifts, etc.

Hopefully, he is a faithful husband. But, if not, by all means protect your family. Leave no stone unturned!

Good luck. I will keep you in my prayers.

Answer 9

Wow, that is a lot of signs. I don't know if he is or he isn't. You know him better than anyone and you are having suspicions.

Some things to look for:
-does he take a shower when he first comes in?
-does he smell like he's just taken a shower someplace else when he first comes in?
-does he chew more breath mints or use more mouthwash than usual?
-is he buying new underwear, or is he going around in the same old ripped briefs? (he would not do that if he was cheating)
-does he hide the phonebill?
-what about ATM withdrawals? (no woman is free)
-have you checked the miles on his car? this will tell you if he is driving further than just to work
-also, sneak a look at his cellphone or e-mails

OR

You could just ask him. Look into his eyes when you ask. His eyes hold the answer.

Wishing you the best!

Answer 10

You might want to (while you think he is sleeping) check that phone for text messages that he may not have erased. Check his incoming call list and dialed calls. Go into the PC and go to history and see where he has been. If he is using IM you can find out who he is talking to by clicking on conversation and then on preferences then on archive and check the box "save all messages." Then when he is not at home go into IM and pull up the IM window and view all archives and it will show you every word written since you started saving messages. But frankly I would just ask him. If you feel this strongly about it then he probably is cheating. I for one believe that God gave us women a build in radar like device that tells us about our spouses. I always got a tightening in the pit of my stomach that would not go away until I got the truth. My God bless you.