pregnant and scared?

Question

i just found out today that i'm a month along. my boyfriend who is married told me that it could not be his kid. but he's the only one i slept with so it would have to be his. he says the timing is off. the doctor told me that they beginn counting from the first day of my last period till know. which makes me 5 weeks. he swears that i couldn't be that far i have to 3. but they are calculating the period in. and i try to explain it but he don't understand it that way. i don't know how i can make him understand it. i don't want my child to not have a dad but i can't seem to stop loving him even though he says that it's not his. and with me being high risk i would really like him to be here through my pregnancy but i know i can't make him be. also is cramping normal this early in pregnancy and being hot that you still sweat in an air conditioned room? i'm scared and i don't know how to make the father see that this is his child and i need him here. plz help me.

Answer 1

My dear child, you sound so distraught and it has me worried about your baby. The cramping and sweats your experiencing could be something that a doctor needs to check. Please go and see your doctor and have yourself checked out. All this stress is not good for you or your baby. Trust me on this one. I was in your boots a long time ago, where I got myself pregnant with a married man and you know the story " he dumped ", anyway the stress and all that I endured during that pregnancy, enevitably my son died after he was born and I carried him full term also. So please honey, don't fret so much over this guy and pay more attention to your baby especially right now, when that new little life inside you needs your protection and nourishment. You cannot do that if your all stressed out over the father. Sweetie that will work itself out and proof of fathership can be proven after the baby is born. It is going to be times during the months before delivery where the going will seem unbearable, but you will have too be strong for your sake and your baby's. In the end you will be blessed big time.
Honey I don't mean to pry but what are you messing around for with a guy who is already committed to another woman. And if you really think about it, what do you think would happen if the woman finds out, what would happen if she has children with this guy? I'm can honestly say that hearts will be broken and perhaps even a family destroyed. You said that you didn't want your baby to grow up without a father, what if this guy has children with his wife, how would they grow up if your affair became knowledge?
Another thing to think about honey, is if this guy can so blatently sneak around on his wife, is it because he's lost interest in his wife or for whatever the reason, don't you think that it wouldn't bother him to do that to you whenever he gets tired of you as he seems to have with his wife? Sweetie, guys like these come like sneaks ( as they are ) in the night and when they are gratified, they are gone to find another victim. Trust me on this one, you are not his first and you will not be his last! They are losers from the get go and the trouble is they bring you down too. Right about now your self-esteem must be devasatated to the point where you feel so helpless. Honey, get a gripe and worry over happy things, like your baby for right now and these other concerns will work themselves out. Trust me I've been there. God Bless.

Answer 2

Well, the cow's already out of the barn, so I suppose it does no good to try and shut the door now, does it?

You have a few options that I can think of:

1. Abort. (Wouldn't be my choice, but it isn't mine to make.)

2. Put the child up for adoption. There are many people who would be overjoyed to have a child to raise. It would be in a good home, loved, and well taken care of.

3. Have the child and keep it.

4. Dump the married guy who used you to get what he wanted, then abdicated all responsibility for his part in your situation. He is a cheat, liar and cad. I am sure you could do better than having this loser in your life. But, you need to have a paternity test done so lover boy will be responsible for helping you to support the child should you decide to keep it.

Now, I am not saying it is impossible that the father will suddenly have an epiphany and dump his wife and come running to you, but I have serious doubts about it. And really, would you want this creep in your life after the way he has treated you? Please, girl, have a little self respect. I know it is hard when you think you love him, but you can do it.

Good luck

Answer 3

Not judging you on sleeping with a married man, I'm here to help.
First, call the wife. She needs to know the truth and shouldn't stay with her husband who cheated on her and is fathering someone elses child. Be honest with her.
Second, have a doctor speak with him if he doesn't understand how he could be the father. If he refuses to see the doctor you visit, ask your doctor nicely to make a call to him and expain how they are calculating the period as well.
Third, have a long conversation with him. Let him know that you're so positive that he is the father that you would be willing to get a DNA test when the baby is born. This could probably alter his mind into knowing you're serious and not lying. Explain to him that this is a tough time and that you and your baby-to-be need him for this support. No child deserves to be father-less.
If he is still not supportive during and after the pregnancy, I suggest seeing a lawyer or counselor on what you can do so that you can at least get some type of money to buy your child things.
Hot flashes are normal; cramps are too but if they get too painful, see a doctor ASAP.

Answer 4

Call or look up Crisis pregnancy center or Bethany Christian services. Get some counseling and the only way you may be able to prove that the baby is his , is to take a DNA sample which you cant get until the baby is born. In the meantime, take care of the life inside of you and get away from this man. Any man who cheats on his wife, does not have integrity. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone like that? Your priority now is the baby and your health. Cramping is normal but bleeding is not. Get to a doctor. Your worries are too focused on this guy, they should be focused on the life inside of you and your health. Also find a friend or a minister to help you with this. It is not the end of the world, it is a change in your world, deal with it responsibly.

Answer 5

Wow, that is some situation. I am really sorry to hear about it. Well, I haven't ever been pregnant b4, so I think that you should probably ask your doctor about the cramping and sweating. I mean your guy is responsible if it is his kid and if he is the only one you slept with, it must be his. Try talking to him or may be have the doctor or someone else you trust talk to him and may be can help support the kid and may be you should give it up for adoption if you aren't going to be able to support it, b/c you are right, a child should not not have a father. I hope everything works out okay, sorry that my advice isn't the best!

Answer 6

Hun,
Enjoy your pregnancy and if this man had the balls to get you pregnant but does not want to admit he is the father. It is not worth it and you are better off than having this dead beat as a father. Second, he is married and because you are pregnant does not mean he is going to leave his spouse. I too went through a similar situation and I was high risk but in the end I have a beautiful son. Enjoy this time and remember you can manage better without him. It is not right what he is doing but you will be alright. There are many opportunities out there for you, all you have to do is a little bit of research. Love yourself and your baby. Best of wishes!!

Answer 7

Okay first of all, a test can be done to prove if it is his so why even let that bother you now.
Second, I know you are only human but omg, what were you thinking? He is married. He is most likely not going to want to leave his wife, that's probably why he is claiming he;s not the father, but his wife will find out and most likely leave him and then he will probably settle for you. You are in a bad situation. I don't know what to tell you except that no matter what, it is your baby and you don 't need a man around. No one wants their children to grow up without a father but many do and you can provide enough love for that child.

Answer 8

You need to accept the fact that he is NOT going to be there for you. He already has a family and that has to be his first priority. You made two mistakes: hooking up with a married man, and not taking precautions. I hope you have learned something from your mistakes.

It seems to me that he's also a loser in refusing to take any responsibility for this child...so I guess a third mistake would be falling in love with a loser. Better work on getting over him, and on finding someone - family or friend - who will help to support you through this pregnancy. Best luck!

P.S. After reading some of the previous answers, I would advise against notifying his wife. That's up to him, not you. Don't get embroiled in his family matters any more than you already are. If his wife doesn't know already, she will when you go to court to get child suppot!

Answer 9

Just stay strong. You can do it with or without him. If you are cramping go to the doctor to see if there are any problems with your hormones. Some defiencies can cause cramping and bleeding. I had two periods with my current pregnancy, after 3 ultrasounds, my baby is ok. Try to not be stressed out. That can make it worse. And even if he was a part of your pregnancy be prepared I think all men ask if you are sure that they are the father.

Answer 10

Honey stress is not going to help you it is only going to hurt you since you are high risk I know about high risk pregnancies from my own personal experiences. Now the only way to get him to face the music is to get a blood test done after the baby is born, i understand that you don't ant to raise the baby alone but if you have a good support person or persons then you won't go through it alone. You could lose the baby if you keep stressing out.