Ok here is how it is......I told my husband it was over two years ago. After a traumatic time I stuck to it and it was over. However last april we got back together. It seems we have not changed and the same things still annoy us. I am not with out fault I am sure but he lies all the time right down to when he will be back he has his own place so he can walk out at anytime when he has had enough of family life. his "Sanctuaty" according to him.(Lucky him) I feel angered by this, I envy his freedom. He can go out when he likes yet is I want to go out it is a big deal. I feel trapped again as i did before. He drinks everynight but has cut down to four cans a night which is a step in the right direction.
He barely helps out around the house and he does practically live here. I feel low and not very motivated when i am with him. he does nothing for my self esteem. I have spoken to deaf ears. Should I open my eyes and call it a day for the both of us? he has a good job and works away alot
2006-08-18 14:13:56 · 20 answers · asked by cheaky c 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Follow your heart.
2006-08-18 14:22:16 · answer #1 · answered by ntpsyc 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
yes it is probably over. If his drinking is a problem and he really wanted to change-he would. Four beers, is not by any means a change. He is probably drinking more than four- that is just what he tells you. If he really cared, he would not have his own place- he would live with you where he elongs. in his own place he can do what ever or whom ever he wants. There comes a time when things have gotten so bad, that it is hard to get past the things that annoy you. Chances are if you have not made changes yet- you will never, especially if one of you is not commited to making those changes. All a good job creates is financial security. You really need to decide what you are doing. I will not tell you whether you should end it or not. I will say that if you choose to stay with him you will need to accept his behavior and stop trying to change who he is. If you can't do that, then you really need to seriously consider ending the relationship for both of youor sakes. Also without trust, you have nothing. If he is lying to you, you will have a hard time trusting him.
2006-08-22 00:11:41 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have stayed gone the first time. Nothing has changed and it didn't work for you then, its highly unlikely that the same thing will work for you this time. This is exactly why going back to an ex is such a huge mistake. Pick up where you left off. Actually by taking him back without PROOF that major changes had already taken place you actually just told him that it was really alright with you if his behavior stayed the same, that you might make some noise about it but in the end you'd stick with him. Remember you teach people how to treat you....what did you teach him? Everyday you tolerate the things he does ingrains the lessons that they are fine with you deep down further and further in him. Let him live at his 'sanctuary' and you make where you live now yours.
2006-08-18 21:21:58 · answer #3 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well it's best to let him go. It makes no sense for him to be happy and for you to be so unhappy. There hasn't been much change in the relatiionship and talking isn't working. Go out and find your happiness and freedom. Don't tie yourself down to someone who doesn't take the time to make things right, to see how your day was, or even do something to make you feel like the woman he fell in love with. It maybe hard at first, but overtime you'll have that freedom and wisdom to know who is right and wrong for you. I don't know you personally and I don't know much of the relationship you two have, but I rather not hear that you're suffering and not feeling love and appreciated. Move on with your life and find someone who will show you the appreciation, love, and respect you deserve.
2006-08-18 21:23:14 · answer #4 · answered by shinuyugi 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you still love your husband? I think you may need some counselling that may help resolve these issues. I resented my husband for being away from the home to much and me being stuck with the kids we sourt counselling and have figured things out, sometimes it is not the obvious issues affecting the marriage. Get help and if it dos't work at least you can say you tried.
But if you don't want to get help call it a day sounds like he has his cake and is eating it too.
2006-08-18 21:26:31 · answer #5 · answered by ozi_nut 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes you should call it a day. Like you said you ended it for a period and it hasn't changed nor will it. Time to move on. It's not like you didn't try to save the marriage. Good luck.
2006-08-18 21:20:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear that! But you should take every day now.And bit by bit,get his money. Save enough for an house.place a payment to get it.then bit by bit buy what you need to put into the house,to make it your home. Now make sure you get his money good! then leave when hes at work. thats to make him fill as he made you fill. Because its not going to work,unless God touches his heart.
2006-08-18 21:31:45 · answer #7 · answered by LELA M 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Always put the trash at the curb and LEAVE it there! He just wants to be a part-time parent. Lose him! And this time make sure he stays lost......
2006-08-18 21:21:58 · answer #8 · answered by whataboutme 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
See a counsellor but if you have to make it known that you are not happy.Jeez I've only read your question and I want to give you a big hug!
2006-08-22 19:10:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's about time you start looking out for yourself. You said he hasn't changed and frankly I don't think he wants to. It's time you get your own freedom.
2006-08-18 21:39:20 · answer #10 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Walk away
2006-08-18 21:19:06 · answer #11 · answered by Jadzia 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋