ive been with my fella for 8 yrs, we have 2 loverly kids, but we argue most of the time, its like we get on for 6 months and dont for the other, and this has always been the case from day one, he thinks i just want to blame him for everything and this is really not true but how do i put this across. how do i get him to try and sort it out without getting into an arguement
2006-08-18 13:51:46 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
when its good its really good but as it goes when its bad its bad there is no in between, how do i get this happy medium?????????????????
2006-08-18 14:01:21 · update #1
Wow i totally understand what your going through me and my man seem to be up and down when we communicate too. one day we agree the next we don't. but making a relationship work and joining your life with another person is hard work. You can't expect to see eye to eye. you just have to keep trying, be honest, don't place blame. If you think about it it doesnt' matter whose at fault it only matters how you solve it. If you try and talk and you can't resolve the issue even after fighting maybe you should see a counselor. Not a doc, just a counselor, an unbiased thirty party who you can be honest in front of.
2006-08-18 14:00:24 · answer #1 · answered by TR 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well for starters let him know that you want to talk about the problem you two have. Let him now that you're not blaming him at, but you two need to come to a compremise. Set some time aside to have the conversation. Have the kids visit with family or friends. Set up a lunch or dinner date have the conversation. That way not everything will be focused on the conversation, the lunch or dinner will ease things up between you two.
I hope this helps a bit. I'm not a Ph D, but it has worked for me. Take care.
2006-08-18 14:00:30 · answer #2 · answered by shinuyugi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people like the drama, they like arguing. Others like things to be mellow. Maybe the two of you don't know any other way to communicate, so you argue, or maybe you've gotten yourself in that parent/child rut. One of you acts like the parent always yelling and bossing the child. Only you know which scenerio the two of you fit into. Bottom line is if you are not happy, chances are he isn't happy either. Stop the arguing on your end, completely refuse to argue about any subject that comes up. The arguing has to stop if one of the people involved doesn't put up a fight. When you speak to him, speak calmly. Change the way you communicate, and your entire relationship is bound to change.
2006-08-18 14:04:28 · answer #3 · answered by Cynthia 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I bet you have money problems. Also I bet that the times that things seem worst between you two are when there is a bill that needs paid and you have to struggle to find the money. Money dosent solve everything . But it but not haveing it or enough of it puts undue pressure on a marriage. Finding a way to bring more income into your marriage will most likely solve your problems for now. But I could be wrong about you haveing money problems. Good luck
2006-08-18 14:08:01 · answer #4 · answered by us citizen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you now have a habit of arguing that will be difficult but not impossible to break. did your parents or his argue like this? you see sometimes we do what is familiar because it feels safer even though we don't like it. all relationships have ups and downs and staying together helps us learn and grow but when you are stuck in a rut you have to change. you can't change the other person but they will adapt to the changes in you. Cognitive behavioural therapy is very helpful. ask your doctor about this as they may have a councelling service that can help. also emotional freedom training can help. have a look and listen to podcasts at www.eft-talk.com it sounds a bit far fetched but it really is effective. it takes two to argue but don't let him put you down. blame is very childish and resolves nothing. you can break this habit.
2006-08-18 21:04:21 · answer #5 · answered by minerva 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It really depends on what you are arguing about. It is hard just try to discuss more than argue. Its not easy, I know but try. If it doesnt work go for some counselling to get to the bottom of the issues that get you arguing.
2006-08-18 14:13:45 · answer #6 · answered by KIRSTEN F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why should "he" be sorting it out!?The both of you should be,there's no smoke without fire you know,50-50 down the line here,he probably thinks he cant talk to you either!Sit down and TALK togeather,eight years and you are both well into laying down those strong foundations for your family's future,its too late to give up on it now-we all have disagreements at times,it is the natural thing between adults-T.A.L.K.T.A.L.K.!!
2006-08-18 14:53:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bring it up when you are getting along. If you are fighting he will only hear blame.Ask for specifics and NEVER say YOU,say I feel, or I want and I need.When you say YOU it puts people on the defensive.Maybe that will keep it from turning into a fight and you can actually get to the real issue.
2006-08-18 14:01:07 · answer #8 · answered by kelliekareen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well what do you blame him for?
on a good day not to be rude but have some great sex
then sit down with him while he is still in lala land from the
sex, have him tell you what it is about you that triggers him to
start argueing, then tell him what it is about him that triggers
you. hopefully things will get better.
2006-08-18 14:08:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you guys are on two totally different pages and have communication challenges. Perhaps the aid of a professional counselor may help. Good luck.
2006-08-18 13:56:14 · answer #10 · answered by evonne i 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋