I live in Fl with my fiance. We've been engaged for 2 years, & were dating for 6 years before that. We've been living together since I was 16. My point is that we're in a steady, happy, healthy, long-term relationship. The problem is that he's always lived here, & I'm native to Ma. I've hated Fl since the day I moved here, & he loves it. He's the only thing keeping me here. It seems like lately the longer I'm here, the more homesick I get. I've been out of school for a while, & I'd really like to go back now. I've been considering possibly going to school in Boston. He's a little upset but supports me and understands why I want to go. I think that if I'm able to go to school there & just spend that time in New England that it'll cure my homesickness (at least for another few years) and I can come back down to Florida when I'm done & be happy again for a while. I was just wondering if anyone else has done the long-distance thing & could share their experience with me. Thanks
2006-08-18 13:39:05 · 7 answers · asked by autumnfaerie8 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
im not gunna lie, its hard... i tried it, and to be honest, i dont really know what happened... it ended up ending about a year later.. it really takes both parties to work hard.. and its so frusterating... but at the same time, if you stay in fl, you might just grow resentment towards him for staying there... im guessing both of you moving is out of the question, otherwise you probably wouldnt be asking this quesiton.. but long distance relationships are doable, its just really hard.. and takes a lot of work... good luck with everything!
2006-08-18 13:58:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your first mistake was moving in with him. So you have sex and think all is wonderful. It isn't now. Living together is not a real test of whether you'll get a long or not. It is a free ride for him- if the milk is free why buy the cow? It ain't working now, it won't work long distance. Never has, never will.
Move on, learn what you did wrong and live your life. He is selfish, won't change and has no reason to. If you stay you'll only resent him and break up anyway later.
Next time, before you have sex (which does not equal nor require love to do) get to know the person. Sex first clouds everything, you focus on that and you fail to get to know the other person as a person. Had you known he was selfish, would you have had sex with him, shacked up with him, or continued on so long with him for that matter?
Fact: 50% of all Americans first marriages fail. Fact: 80% of those who shack up first then marry divorce as well. It creates false expectations and people are on their best behavior during that time, building false expectations. Fact: If you have been a couple longer than 18 months and have not married the odds are you will not. So, why stack the odds against long term success? Marriage and relationships are already a tough proposition. Then if you have kids there will never be an end to contact with the bum, as there will be graduation, birthdays, holidays to deal with and more forever. Or he refuses to give in to you and you resent him and it only gets worse, while he will remain clueless, or perhaps he does not care.
You are a college grad, remember your statistics class and the law of probabilities? Wake up girl! Take time to know the next guy before you sleep or move in with the next person. Move on, this one is going nowhere.
2006-08-19 09:36:02 · answer #2 · answered by hithere2ya 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
well..i moved from Canada to California to marry my fiance at age 19....we've known each other since i was 16...we've been married for more that a year now...everythings great..i like canada better since i know my way around and i know what the people over there are like....i end up feeling homesick most of the time....i love California only becasue my husband likes it plus its fun living here...right now am 20...i about to get my social security number..and anxiuos/nervous to start work.....i plan to go to college next year.....it feels weird wanting to spend a lot of money on college here when its way cheaper in canada....i mentioned it to my husband but he gets really mad...we worked real hard for me to get where i am right now(together with him)...and it will kill if we ever have to be apart again....i totally agree with him....it feels very frustrating not knowing anyone here...one thing for sure an experince like this make you grow up real quick...but like i said we worked real hard to get where i am right now...its all worth it.....sure we might have our ups and downs...but we can never leave each other cuz it would be a total waste of life to throw away what we have together...
if you both agree for you to spend time in new England...always keep in touch with each other...tell each other how your days went....if you are staying there for over a year..there's a strong possibility you'll grow apart from each other..don't forget you both have needs...especially your husband
2006-08-19 09:58:42 · answer #3 · answered by **sweetbabe** 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well...rite now my bf lives in new mexico and i live in nevada....he's been gone for at least 4 months now....it's really hard!! for both of us!!! we're only 15....and his dad is making him live there....we miss each other like crazy when we're apart....but anyways what im tryin to say...i think it really helps to communicate often while u guys are apart.....i talk to my bf everyday somehow...either thru the computer or phone... or text...whatever but it really helps and keeps u from goin crazy missin each other....another thing...why don't u try compromising with him??? if u guys really love each other and been together that long....u should try ur best to make things work!!! especially if u guys are engaged and gonna get married!!! why don't u guys find a new area to live in that u both like??? compromise compromise compromise!!!!! but remember this....u shouldn't let somethin like this get in the way of lovin each other...u don't wanna ruin ur relationship....try ur best to work things out....just keep a positive attitude.......good luck!! i hope things work out for u and that u have a happy life together!!!! :)
2006-08-19 09:40:08 · answer #4 · answered by Trinity A 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
They work better if there is a known direction or commitment involved. You can't experience real life together when living far apart. . . .
Dating long distance usually makes the heart grow fonder. . . . .of someone else.
There are exceptions. Good luck to you.
2006-08-18 13:46:32 · answer #5 · answered by evonne i 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
many yrs ago a guy wanted me to live with him many miles away from my family & i had to think about it for along time & he had kept pressuring me to be with him. not knowing if he did love me & wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, i choosed not to be with him because i didn't want to be in a state that i had never been to. i'm glad that i made the right choice for myself instead of what he wanted, he wasn't my soulmate & my heart knew it.
2006-08-19 09:41:22 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
yea dont do it because you wont be able to hold him or kiss him just go head and break it off.
2006-08-19 09:55:49 · answer #7 · answered by badnerves 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋