Ex Fiancee moved out!?

Question

My ex fiancee moved out about two weeks ago. We have a beautiful son together. She gained 60 lbs post pregnancy and became depressed. She had lost interest in everything that we used to do including sex. Like a year and a half. During the pregnancy, which was a stressful time for both of us, we began to argue. Over the past year she stopped talking to me about our relationship and finances. I know that she has been depressed and I have tried to help her. All this has made me depressed in the process and now I feel like a failure. I tried to to talk to her over again about the relationship, but she would always change the subject. She also became very secretive with her computer, finances and cell phone. Now she blames me for the relationship going sour. I have asked her if there was someone else but she says there isn't. I have been supportive about the move, but she tells me she wants to try and work it out, but still doesn't know what she wants.

Answer 1

Depression can be a terrible strain on the relationship. It really sounds like she needs to seek counseling. She needs to figure out some things about herself, especially before she would marry you. Offer to go with her to some counseling sessions. Normally in this situation I would say "She doesn't love you if she left you!" but she sounds really messed up mentally and emotionally and if anything, you should try to work it out for your son's sake.

Answer 2

Helping someone to get out of depression for a long time will drag you down into depression and that's for sure. However, not being able to help her does not mean you are a failure it just means that she can't get over her depression. Her becoming a secretive about cell phone bill, finances, computer is an indication that she is into something new. Now, it could be anything cyber sex, instant messenger, chat rooms anything possible.
I think u are a good person did your best and still would like to help the relationship by working it out. However, if she is willing and being secretive and you are ok with separation then it's time for you to set down ground rules. Exercise together everyday taking walks, eating healthy and pushing back to romantic candle light dinners and start to talk about future plans.

Answer 3

Sounds to me as though she has met some other person/people and is not sure how things are going to play out and wants to keep you on the back-burner. Quit letting her blame the failure of your relationship on you and her weight gain. Pa-LEEZ. There are many reasons for the demise of a relationship, but almost 99.9 % it involves both parties and not just one. If you can't openly communicate and she has to hide her phone bills and computer history, there are trust issues to be resolved. Without that, you don't have a relationship.

Answer 4

She is blaming you because she screwed up. Tell her to live on her own for a while. To figure out what it is that she wants. Then when she has figured out what that is then you two can talk about it. I think what is happening is that she doesn't want to be with you any more but she doesn't want you to be with someone else either so to keep you on the back burner makes her happy. Life is too short to sit around waiting for someone to figure out who they are and what they want. Good luck.

Answer 5

Give her some time and space to figure everything out. I think it's the best while she's confused. Just be supportive in everything she decides. When she comes around she'll talk to you about everything.

Answer 6

Just give her the space she is asking. Don't push her to be in a relationship when she's not happy anymore. But don't leave her alone emotionally and mentally. Though physically away, you can still give your support to her...

Answer 7

It seems to me that she is blaming you because she is hidding her secret affair and want's you to share the burden of her guilt. I think she left you for someone else and perhaps she is feeling a need to keep all her options open.

If she doesn't know now, I doubt she ever will.

Answer 8

thats kinda tough secrets are always bad in a relationship but if you love her and you think you can work it out it say go for it its better to try and fail then to never try and wonder what if

Answer 9

She needs to see a doctor because she may besuffering from post partum deppression., have her get it looked into.

Answer 10

let her figure things out by herself..she needs time and give her that..if she comes out of her senses and realize she loves u, she'll come back but for now, focus on your child..