ok i have asked a lot of frivolous questions but this is a very serious one?

Question

a girl did something that made me very very angry. she worked with my boyfriend and tried to get with him, using every trick in the book. he resisted for 3 months but 1 night got hopelessly drunk and let her kiss him. i know him so am not asking for your judgement on him, i have sorted that myself. the problem is that months on, i have a red hot burning rage evrey time i think of her. i think i am a good person, but i feel real hate whenever i think of her. it's eating me up. i lie awake at night having imaginary confrontations with her, and don't like myself for doing it! my relationship with my boyfrind is great and has been ever since this 'blip' months ago but no-one realises the rage and loathing i have inside me. i'm completely obsessed. i hate hate hate her. i want to get rid of it. how?

unfortunatley i have not been able to have a confrontation with her, she moved to another country 3 days after it happened and moved back recently. i have seen her once in the street since and hissed an insult at her but she ran away,. i have since heard she is too scared of me to be anywhere i am likely to be so sadly it does not seem as though i will be allowed my confrontation! i think maybe this is part of it. but, i am worried that if i ever do see her, my emotions will run riot and i will do the girl some harm. i don't want this, i just want to get rid of these feelings!

Answer 1

Oh mY goSH I have so been there.

It's a pride thing. It drives you crazy to think that that little skank thinks she got the better of you and that it somehow proves that she can "get" your man (even if it's not true.)

If you ever get the opportunity, say this to her: (in a superior, mature way, not a ranting Jerry Springer guest way.)

"What goes around comes around. I want you to know that sometime in your life, you are going to have a boyfriend and one day this exact same thing will happen to you. When it does. You remember. You brought it on yourself."

Answer 2

There will always be women after your man, you just have to accept that many women have no conflict with chasing other women's men. Though often they are led on.

Then you have to consider that men enjoy such flirtations too, so it all depends on the man. Some men will excuse themselves by blaming the woman in their life for not giving them enough attention, others just like variety. Those that are loyal are few and far between, both male and female.

I think you have taken it all out of proportion and you should have more pride in yourself. Would you get drunk and kiss another man, or are you the loyal type. Could be they deserve one another, could be you are too good for him, could be he slipped up and wouldnt be unfaithful to you. You have to decide from a place that isnt needy.

Don't be misled by a feeling of jealousy, being jealous doesnt mean you are in love with the person, only means your feelings were offended. Take a step back and see if your relationship is really important to you, or you are just holding onto the past.

Answer 3

Your anger isn't for her, it's for you're boyfriend, you're brain would just like to believe it's her so it's telling you it is. It doesn't want to say goodbye to this great relationship you thought you had. I know you'll be sitting thinking 'that's not right at all' but think about it. You don't know her. Your boyfriend is the one that has betrayed your trust. It doesn't matter if he's drank all the alcohol in the world, there's no excuse. Until you can accept deep down what he has done and fully forgive him and 100% trust him again, you will still loathe this girl. After that, you'll be able to look back and laugh at how pathetic she is.
Also, I know it's not really my place but I'd like to give a bit of friendly advice anyway. Most men who cheat, because that's what he did, cheat, will re-offend. Some will not or will re-offend with a different partner. But because you havn't ended your relationship over this he probably thinks he's got off scot-free. You need to make clear to him that are far from pleased about it, and you have given him his second, and last, chance. Make sure he knows if he ever does anything like this again you'll have no hesitation in ending your relationship. And if you do all that and he does it again then he obviously doesn't care about you at all and the relationship wouldn't have lasted anyway.

Hope this helps

Answer 4

maybe stop thinking about it. Get yourself a diversion or think of something else, or you can forgive her. It's not like she really did anything that could possibly ruin your life. I'm speaking from someone who knows what complete murderous rage feels though I don't really understand the situation of how you can dwell on it for a long time. Some people tell me to just forget it but it's hard. I know. So just hang in there. I mean nothing good can come from thinking about something that happend in the past, unless you really think that confronting her is a good idea and will make your life better. you can make that call but just don't do anything that will jepordize your future or get you in trouble with the police and end up in the jail house.

Answer 5

wow, what a sleezebag she is. I think it's great that you worked out the boyfriend aspect of this dilemma but it's unfortunate that you feel so much anger inside. I do have one question for you tho. Why are you fantisising about confronting her, the time is passing you by where you really should have done it. I know she'll probably give you some lame excuse about how he was guilty too, but if you've dealt with that , that is ok. But you should definitly make it known to her how you feel about her and her future attempts at making your boyfriend hers. As a matter of fact maybe to her it is some kind of conquest thing. skank. I really hope you can find a way to get past her actions. the best revenge you can have on that piece of work is be happy with your boyfriend and let others feel your happiness too--especially her. good luck.

Answer 6

Ok step back and take a look at what you have here...
You don't need revenge... you have the guy, she has to live with the fact that try as she might it just didnt work....
Every time you get angry about this girl you hand power over you to her...why would you do that?
You have all the power you would ever need if you really wanted to hurt this girl...the best revenge is to be happy and enjoy the fact you have what she doesn't... beyond that...stop being angry and handing over the power of your emotion to this loser...you won... that just has to be the ultimate revenge...
Now..that said... love your guy as you expect to be loved back and stop letting her get in the way of that... Good luck and have a wonderful, full and loving relationship... :) x

Answer 7

Whoa Lucy !!....ooohhh you sure are in tizz now over this !!... look at this way, your boyfriends emotions were compremised by alcohol and the low down underhand methods by this strumpet of a girl were all the easier.Whatever you do , don't let this girl or your boyfriend see your anguish as this will be noted and used against you. Once you get angry and vengeful and a spitty cat fight is imminent does the rage go away? and is it worth the actuall physical harm you may do?? ...Be aloof and demure as it will happen again in your life you can be sure of that......so what to do ???....I'd say take this girl to one side and make it known to her that she is in trouble if she doesn't tell you as to why she did that kissin on your boyfriend.If she gets stroppy or mouthy then give her a damm good thrashing.!!

Answer 8

I think that you are angry because your boyfriend kissed her and even though you think you have gotten over it the emotional turmoil that was caused by the revelation that your boyfriend found another woman attractive is still there beneath the surface and will continue to fester and grow until it erupts in a volcano of range and frustration which will more then likely be directed to the one you care about most deeply; this been, your boyfriend.

I suggest that you talk to him and explain how you feel and that you are struggling to cope with your daily life because of this and that it is making you depressed and upset and angry because you don't want to feel this way and then suggest that you both undertake a course of relationship counselling to help you back on track

Good luck with your decision

Answer 9

It is understandable: you have still not had 'revenge' on this girl, that is, you have not made her suffer in the same way she made you suffer, and you will not feel happy until you do. As they say, revenge is a dish best eaten cold, so my advice is to make sure that somehow she sees how happy you and your boyfriend are, for example, by going into a place where you know she is and smooching in front of her. Anything more aggressive is a waste of your time, as she plainly is not worth it. If you do not feel you can take this advice, I suggest that every time you think of her, you do something to divert your attention to something more useful until the urge subsides. I wish you all the best.

Answer 10

This is a perfect example of why forgiveness is necessary. What can you do to her that's legal? If you did do something to her do you really think you'd feel better about yourself? Do you think it would improve the situation of would it just lower you to her level?
People don't like to hear that the only way to have peace when you are faced with issues like this is forgive the person. They feel that they are somehow righteous in their hatred because the person did such a despicable act. Well, people have done far worse than this to other people and the victim has managed to go on with their life, not allow the poison of hatred and bitterness to destroy their life, and they've done it by forgiving the person who harmed them.
A woman named Corrie ten Boom lived in Holland before and during the Second World War. Her family decided that the right thing to do was to hide Jews from the Nazis. Well, an informer told on them and they were arrested and sent to a concentration camp. She and her sisters were housed in a barrack and one day one of the guards beat one of her sisters so severely that she died. After the war Corrie became a Christian speaker and had a speaking schedule in many countries. After her speaking engagement in one European country, a man came up to her and wanted to shake her hand, proclaiming that he was so happy that both of them were now brother and sister in Christ. Corrie froze and could not move her hand to take his because she recognized him as the German guard that beaten her sister to death. She stood there unable to move until she felt compelled by God to grasp and shake his hand. She didn't want to forgive this man, but because God helped her to overcome her hatred, she was able to.
If she can forgive a murder with God's help, I think that you might be able to forgive a kiss if you're willing to let God help you. You will be amazed how forgivenes will free your heart and your mind. It will allow you to sleep at night without rage and hate. It will allow you to have a relationship with your boyfriend that isn't polluted with bitterness from this event. It'll change your life in more ways than one.