Am I wrong? Whats going on? I need some advice!!! Please....?

Question

My husband works 12 hour shifts and I am at home all the time with our 17 month old son. I go to college online as well so I never have any time for my self. My husband after he gets off of work goes and hangs out with his work buddies a lot of the time. He sleeps when he is not at work basically so I take care of our son 24 hours a day the majority of the time. He doesn't understand that I need time to myself sometimes I guess. I don't know what the deal is. He says that he wants to go out with his friends and that we spend more time together than a lot out couples. His sister watched him one day in the past week and every time I say that I don't have any time hes like well she babysits him and that alot more than most couples have. He says that he feels like he has to sneak off to see his friends. I am a stay at home mom so I don't really have any friends other than his sister. I don't really feel the need to go out because I'm always at home. Why does he act this way?Whats going on

Answer 1

get out and get some friends and once in a while go with your friends out.. you need "buddy" time too.. and the more you hound on him the more he will honestly do it ... ;( sorry

Answer 2

It seems, to me, that your husband is not ready to be a husband and father. He's not done being a party animal. What he should have realized is that the day you and he got married, he is supposed to put you first. He definitely should have realized that you need him when you became pregnant. I'm not saying that he should stop hanging out with his friends all together, I just think he should be home to help you out more. If he wants to go out, maybe you could go out too, with or without him. If your sister-in-law doesn't have a problem with watching your son, then you should go out and have some fun. You deserve it too. He might work at a job for 12 hours a day, but so do you...you take care of his son, along with cooking, and keeping the house together. You need some time for yourself. It would really benefit you. What would be a really nice thing to do would be for you and your husband to go out and spend some time togehter. I don't know your husband's temperment, but why don't you ask him if he wants to go out somewhere with you. No buddies, just you and him. You also need to talk to him about him never being around. Don't say it in a harsh voice, but do say it in a firm voice like you mean it. He's a parent whether he likes it or not and he needs to step up and take care of his responsibility. When he says that you and him spend more time together than most couples, just think, a lot of couples are getting divorces....for less than what you are putting up with. Your son needs a father and you need to let you husband know that because he doesn't seem to realize this. I wish you lots of luck with this.

Answer 3

~*hands flowers and chocolates to mommy_2_little_man*~

I too am a stay at home mom, and I have an 18 month old son. I can completely understand your feeling isolated from other adult companionship and completely lacking in any "me time". You have my sympathy.

My advice on how to broaden your social circle (without missing any time with your son) is to join a mommy and me group. Playgroups like this are great because not only does your son get some great social interaction with other children his age, but it gives you the chance to make friends with other women who are in a similar situation. This is fantastic because you and the other mommies can arrange play-dates and do other "mom stuff" together, and you can organize "girls nights" where everyone sticks the kids with the boys and hits the town. (He should have no problem with this unless he is such an enormous douche bag that he doesnt think you are deserving of even one night a week of fun, in which case you should divorce his inconsiderate *** and then go party while he has visitation.) I think that it is more than fair of you to proclaim that you get one night a week that is all yours. On this night, he has to actually be a father for once and give you the chance to unwind. You can go out and party, take a nice long bath, go do some shopping, whatever you want. :) You are not wrong at all and are completely deserving of some play time of your own. Being a stay at home mom AND going to college is most definitely a full time job. He needs to understand that you work very hard and need to relax just as much as he does. It would do you some good to get out of the house once in a while too. Staying home all the time can make you nuts, lol. Good luck hun!!

Answer 4

you need to take your baby, put him in a stroller and go to the park with an old friend or whoever. if you are really at a loss for friends, join a mother's group. you need some more adult interaction in your life it sounds like. if your online classes seem to be taking too much bulk time, cut them back a bit or hold off until your kid is in school. enjoy his youth:)

your husband sounds like he's working hard, too. it's very NOT good that he feels like he has to sneak away to hang out with buddies. when some ppl begin to feel constricted/held back they do crazy things. see if he can cut back hours. if he can't, ask if he can set aside a good long evening in the week where you three can just be family together and enjoy eachother. ask him to do certain little things for you an hour or two after he gets home from work like "honey, can you change his diaper," or "can you feed him, or help me fold these towels, or rub his back" etc...

don't stress out too much, you sound like you two have your crap together thus far, so congratulations. marriage is tough-but don't let this break you guys. i say go easier on him about his friends and recruit some girlfriends of your own. it would bring a good balance. god bless you

Answer 5

Have a REAL talk with your husband about parenting and relationships. You are both parents. You are not a single mom trying to raise a child. You have a partner. Being a stay at home mom is wonderful if you can do it, but it does not absolve your husband of his parenting duties.

How much time does he spend with your child?

He is not a single man who is free to hang out all the time with no responsibilities. If he needs to go out with his friends, it should not dominate his free time.

It seems that you both are very busy, but you should make time for your family.You two should get a babysitter and go out with each other and have a nice time on a regular basis.

Answer 6

First of all, you need to have a life of your own. Even if it's working at the elementary school during lunch for two hours a day. It sounds like your stuck inside your house and the resentment is starting to build. Don't let it go further! You know how to use the phone. Call a sitter and get out to make some friends.

Answer 7

wow, he really don't care about his own family?? I can't image doing that to my wife and kids. and I always make sure if my wife need time and I watch kids and she can do go out with friends and then she would do the same thing. and we both most time spend time with family than doing my own time.

For me i get up 4 am not because my kids are 3 and 2 years old. not because they are up that early. I do my own time and it better. and when finished work I make sure that wife and kids comes first all the time no matter what friends I have. I enjoy every bit of it everyday.

Wow, You are the great Mother and great Sister and A great woman. Don't ever forget that, you have done great job at home, and doing college on line and take care of your kid 24 hrs every day. He just no body speciel for doing that to you. He has no father, husband skills to understand.. he must learn from his own father.

My father is like that and I made it clear that it will not be like that and I will make sure I even 10 time better than my real dad and I did and I really glad I did. I did it because I love my family and always want family to sit on table and talk about how days going stuff like that. and if friend sure who have kids where I can have my family and kids hang out.

He didn't understand anything at all. I will be shocked when you finished college on line and you have best pay job and you can leave him.. he will learn very hard lesson for that.. because you didn't get pregnate yourself.. you got it by that husband... so. he need to be father and husband to both of them and Friends sure don't last long with him.. he will wished that he spend time with you and kid more.. because you have better life.

My wife makes 60,000 a year and I make 29,000 a year and we both are happy and I wouldn't leave my wife and kids for anyone. you know what I mean?

I really sorry that you have to go though like this. and You didn't know what it going to happen until now you know. again you are a great Mother and Woman to take care yourself and kid. and going colllege on line that is cool keep up and follow your dream smile.

I worked 2 job 6 days a week and 1 day off and been doing that for 6 years when my wife got B.S. and M.S. that how she got best job. I am very support husband to my wfie and my kids smile.

Answer 8

I think he needs to take some responsibility in the marriage and come home after work more often than not. Set up a schedule, you take three nights a week off (he comes directly home to help with the house and baby) and he gets four nights a week to play with his friends after work. Raising kids and keeping a home should not be only about the women unless that's what they want. Men have some responsibilities too.

Answer 9

First of all..the time you spend on-line attending school is time spent on you. No one else is benefiting from it. A stay at home mom generally is rather isolated, that is why it is important to join play groups and to have a hobby just you enjoy. I started taking dance lessons (it is the type of dancing you don't have to have a partner) Now years latter I have a group of friends that I hang out with, we go to workshops, have parties. Sometimes my husband comes but generally not. This is the way I kept my identity and did not become dependent on my husband to entertain me.

Answer 10

he acts this way because he is a new father and doesn't understand what you are going though. what's going on... he's a new father and doesn't understand what you are goin though. you need to explain what you what. you need to make a schedule of what is your time, his time, baby time ect. I know that sounds a little anal but it helps trust me, i have five kids-who all need one on one time, work, and still find time to hang out with my husband-one on one, as well as family time. There is alot of hours in the week if you work them right, even if it's just dinner together it means alot and keeps the connection going. Which is what I think you are losing, i think you are losing touch with why you fell in love in the first place most couple do lose it after a while but you need to refresh your memory. Are you welcome around his friends-go out with them? There is nothing funnier than showing up and playing poker with the boys and kicking their as's'es at their own game. good luck and hang in there.

Answer 11

u need to make time for yourself. hire a baby sitter and enjoy yourself. whether its getting your nails done or going to a spa. call an old friend. once you begin getting out of the house a bit, he will begin to understand and miss u. men can be stupid sometime. they do not learn by talking you actually have to give them a real live example played out by yourself. my husband goes out after work and doesn't calls. the rule is we always call each other so no one is worried. 2 weeks ago, i went out after work, didn't call, got home late, and he was upset. i told him how do u think i feel when u do. he finally learned his lesson. right now your husband thinks he can do anything because u are always at home taking care of the baby so he has nothing to worry about. you need to show him and go out woman. good luck. life is too short.