Help! My husband works 12 hour shifts and I am at home all the time with our 17 month old son....?

Question

My husband works 12 hour shifts and I am at home all the time with our 17 month old son. I go to college online as well so I never have any time for my self. My husband after he gets off of work goes and hangs out with his work buddies a lot of the time. He sleeps when he is not at work basically so I take care of our son 24 hours a day the majority of the time. He doesn't understand that I need time to myself sometimes I guess. I don't know what the deal is. He says that he wants to go out with his friends and that we spend more time together than a lot out couples. His sister watched him one day in the past week and every time I say that I don't have any time hes like well she babysits him and that alot more than most couples have. He says that he feels like he has to sneak off to see his friends. I am a stay at home mom so I don't really have any friends other than his sister. I don't really feel the need to go out because I'm always at home. Why does he act this way?Whats going on

Answer 1

Trade places with him for a few days, and let HIM see what it's like to be there 24/7, and doing all you have to do with a child and home. He will change his tune. My hat's off to you! You do something I could never, ever do.....nor could he. Be a little more outspoken with him, until he gets the message!

Answer 2

Marriage is not 50/50. it's 100/100. Despite him working 12 hour shifts he should not be making daily treks to hang with his compadres. Of course the only way you can adress this problem is to discuss it and reach some happy medium. I'll tell you right now it won't be solved to either of your satisfaction but you should be able to reach an agreement that would be amicable for the two of you.
of course...kids complicate the stew. That's why I recommend couples wait for a period before adding to the family. makes life alittle tougher doesn't it? No more bright lights and late nights huh? Unless of course your husband has decided that this is his duty as the male of the household.
Work on it and hash it out. That's what makes a good marriage is. Communication.

Answer 3

I fell your pain girl.. It's been almost 5 years since my first child was born, my hubby worked all the time, and I was ALWAYS alone. After a while I got kind of used to it, but that never did me any good. We got married when my oldest was 2 1/2 and a year after we got married he told me that he cheated on me 2 months before we got married. It killed me, and all I thought was, when I was at home taking care of our children.. you were out f****** some other woman. I still haven't fully gotten over that, and probably never will. But it took that for my hubby to not go out so much after work. I hope to hell that you don't have to put up with anything like that. Keep your eyes open at all times. If he starts pulling away from you even a little bit, question him right away. You know what's really sad? Even if and when you do talk to him about not going out so much.. they never really listen. They need to grow up, and it takes a lot longer for men than woman. Try to stay strong, your kids need that from you. One day he will realize that his kid is growing up and he missed out on a lot of things. Hopefully sooner than later!! Take care..Good luck
(Sorry that my answer is very strong, but things do happen, and it's better to know and keep your eyes open, than to pu*sy foot around and let some one else get hurt!!)
Again, Take care!!

Answer 4

Your husband sounds like a really selfish person. Sit him down and explain that you need some help from him raising BOTH of yours child. I agree that he deserves to go out with his friends occasionally, but then again, so do you. Explain to him that if it is ok for him to have some alone time with the guys, then you are going to start having some alone time as well. If he is not willing, leave him. You will be left alone and raising every kid you 2 have together. You eventually resenting him for never being around. Nip this situation in the butt. If he refuses to help, MAKE him responsible. When he is just waking up one weekend morning be totally ready and say, the baby is in his crib, playpen, room playing, I am going out, and leave. He will then have no choice but to watch his child.

Answer 5

He probably feels that since he is the only one working and supports the family that he should get to do what he wants.

Answer 6

well it sounds like he's burnt and his way of "not dealing" w/the home life is by going out. remind him of his responsibilities as a parent. let him know that his son needs him there to play w/him. and that you need the relief from time to time.

Answer 7

sounds like you are getting the run-a-round...i don't know what to tell you cause i do not know if you really want to stay with him or not..if things don't change soon i would think about making a change...good luck

Answer 8

he is probably making babys somewhere else dont worry about it