Can Somebody Help Me?

Question

I have a little...well big problem. I'm lesbian and my parents are extreme(can't think of a better word, lol) Christians. They think that all gay people are going to hell and all that other stuff and whenever I'm around them and they see a gay person, they're always like, "Why would they wanna be like that?" I wanna tell them that gay people don't CHOOSE to be gay...they just are. but then they'll start to get suspicious and start asking me all these questions. I want to tell them that I'm lesbian but i don't know how they'll take it. I think they might already have an idea but i'm not sure. Should I tell them now or should i wait until I get out of high school?

Has anyone else been in this situation? What did you do?

P.S. I'm sorry if this question didn't make much sense...i'm not good at this kinda thing..-_-

SERIOUS ANSWERS ONLY PLEASE

Answer 1

Im an extreme Christian. Im probably your parent's age.
However,you dont really need to tell them right now.
I really am not so sure what makes people gay but I have been told that it is not a choice and most people would rather not be.
I really do not know your parent's heart in this situation but you know their thoughts......the going to hell part etc...
My suggestion is to pray and ask God for His wisdom in this situation.....( i can hear people jeering at me now)
and wait.You will know the right time. God does love you and your parents do too. You are a gift to them even the part about being a lesbian. Who knows maybe God will do a work in their hearts about their judgement against gay people through you.
Chances are the judgement is a worse sin than being a lesbian.
Man looks on the outward but God looks on the heart.
Just hang in there and KNOW that God loves you.
p.s. Your question DID make sense....it came from the heart

Answer 2

This is a common question from high school kids. Before you come out you need to figure out what you think could happen. If mom and dad would throw you out, or make life so rough on you that you'd feel you had to leave, you don't tell them now. You wait until you are out of high school and have a plan for where you would live and how you would support yourself before you tell them.
On the other hand if you know they'd never be THAT extreme, you can tell them, but make a plan first, and maybe find another person you can tell who you KNOW would support you, so you have a friend first. Maybe a favorite aunt or uncle or an older brother or sister? Just somebody responsible you can fall back on for moral support. Then make a plan and do it on your own time table.
There are two places on line you should look for support. One is called PFLAG. Its the Parents and Friends and Families of Lesgiand And Gays. The other is the Human Rights Campaign.
I'll leave you both links.

Answer 3

It could go either way - If your parents are serious Christians then they should have been taught to accept everybody and not to judge others for what they are but who they are, their personality. And it doesn't seem like your parents think you have a bad personality, but if they so strongly believe this they may try to 'change you' which isn't fair. But remember they won't like you keeping secrets and their reaction may change over time. It is hard to say because I don't know you. Try talking to a close friend that knows your family well as they might have a better insight on possible reactions. Don't leave it too late. You don't want your parents to feel like they have lost you or anything. Good luck and all the best. Either way this is going to be difficult and take some time to work out.

Answer 4

This isn't a nice answer to hear, but I do think it's wise to wait until you're out of the house. You can definitely find some cool friends at college you can be open with (if you haven't in highschool; I know that can still be rough most places), but I think it's wise to wait until you're not solely dependant on your parents financially or emotionally before you make that step. You need to be able to handle what might happen if things don't work themselves out. Prepare for the worst case scenario; always have a backup plan y'know? Best of luck, whatever happens.

Answer 5

My dear, they are fanatics. Do NOT tell them now. Do educate yourself. If you wish you can start with the website that I maintain, but if and when you can read a few books such as:

The Right Reverend John Shelby Spong; "Living In Sin? A bishop rethinks the idea of human sexuality;" from Harper SanFrancisco.

Dr. Bart Ehrman; "Misquoting Jesus: the story of who changed the Bible and why;" from Harper SanFrancisco

Randall Helms; "Gospel Fictions;" Prometheus Books

and

Jim Wallis; "Who Speaks for God;" -- I think its Gramercy Books -- but I'm not sure.

Know what you believe and know why your parents' more fanatical outlook on religion is false.

Then.... wait.

Once you are in college do what you want, but if you depend on them for your tuition and money -- still don't tell them. Tell them when you are on your own, and will not need them again if they turn on you.

One more thing, if I might -- from a psychological perspective, fundamentalist parents set up their children to either slavishly obey the same faith traditions that they embrace, or to "rebel" -- they even usually talk about "rebellious children" -- as if all younger adolescents didn't feel crushed by the weight of their parents' hands. It is VERY easy to feel like you are rebelling, and to do what you have been told rebels do. It is easy to take drugs, just because they said not to. It is easy to do many things. I have seen many children from fundamentalist homes do just that. They replace one addiction that stimulates the dopamine receptors (extreme religion) with another (drugs) or even, on occasion (alcohol) -- many of them, years later, then "admit" to "rebellion" and go back to the addiction of their childhood (extreme religion). The whole process could be from a textbook on Transactional Analysis. For your own sake, DON'T fall into that trap. Think through the decisions you make, be yourself, and grow into the person that you should be -- which will be far beyond the black and white illusions of your parents' church.

Be in peace.

Kindest thoughts,

Reynolds Jones
http://www.rebuff.org
[e-mail]

Answer 6

I STRONGLY suggest you do NOT tell them anything! They are not going to take kindly to this, your life will be hell on Earth, and they will not be very supportive of you. Keep this to yourself, they don't tell you what they do in the bedroom, and there is no reason to share what you do...this is NOT an issue, do not make it one, keep quiet, and go about your business. When you are on your own, all schooling done and out of the way, IF it is necessary, and I cannot imagine a scenario where it would be 'necessary,' then tell them. If you fall in love, have a mate, and want to bring them home, that is the time to come out, NOT before. And you are right, they may already know. Good luck

Answer 7

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT until you're at least 18 to tell them.

Make sure you have a place to live because it's common for freaky christian parents to disown their children for being gay and kick them out of the house.

Be careful. Get some serious support from friends, family or Lesbian support groups in your area.

Remember....it's their problem.

Definitely wait until you're financially and emotionally ready to take the heat!
Good luck!

Answer 8

Your question is understandable. You will have to tell them you will become alot more free when you get it off your chest. Just tell them that you didn't force yourself to be a lesbian and that you can't force yourself to be straight. Your religion shouldn't come of in the way your parents love for you. Parents should love unconditionally. You should just tell them now. If they freak out tell the they should re-read the Bible because the God teaches to love not to hate. Besides it is just a belief.

Answer 9

Well it might be better to tell them when you are out of h.s., when you are in more of a position to live on your own, with your own life. But if it's really bothering you and you need to come clean tell them whenever you're ready .It'll be difficult but hopefully your relationship with them will be better in the long run. Good luck.

Answer 10

well mah gf had extreamist parents/christians and she got sent away somwhere to like a home 4 kids who get outta prison its like a halfway house or like some mental house...dont tell them they also might kick u out mah mom kicked me out for a year...also they might give u to the gov happened to 2 of myfriends, tell them when they cant do **** to u also its not nessecary for them to kno about ur personal preference in my opinion