So here's the deal, my best friend Mela cheated on her husband eric with a mutual friend about 6 months ago. Mela and her husband have decided stay together. But Mela has talked with the "cheatee" since then 5-6 times. Her husband acts like he don't care. He says he is "numb" to the pain. WHAT?? After all that, I would be more upset. He walks around crabby and depressed all day. He totally lost interest in everything except makeing his wife miserable. He is even talking about filing bankrupcy on his house cause "he don't care anymore"!! What advice can I give him? Eric and I share a great friendship too, I feel like I could talk with him but I don't know what to say...any adivce would be really helpful! Is his behavor normal in this sitsuation? What do you think? Thanks so much!
2006-08-18 10:35:13 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I strongly advise you to stay out of this and mind your own business...this does NOT concern you on the level it concerns them. IF your friend, Eric, continues in this direction, he is NOT going to have any choice in the matter, she will leave him. NO ONE is willing to be punished forever more because of a screw up. He is being unfair to her and wants to hurt her back as he has been hurt. He either divorces her or he forgives, forgets, and moves on...there is NO inbetweens here. He is being downright cruel...to both her and him. There is NO getting even here, there is NO taking it back. And truthfully, she, by staying in contact with this guy, has shown no remorse...I suspect this whole deal is a dead issue. His filing bankruptcy will only make a further mess of his life, and in that area, he will be cutting off his nose to spite his face......not very smart. Good luck
2006-08-18 10:43:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, it seems he misses the woman he fell in love with and is resentful for the woman he shares a legal relationship with but is trying (perhaps only half-heartedly or less) to live up to everyone else's expectations (this is what probably drove him to the other woman...since he likely fell out of love with his legal partner a long, long time ago). If he's your friend too, ask him what would make him really happy if shallow people weren't going to judge him. Tell him to be completely honest without fear of repercussion. See what kind of answer you get and if you can "read" him to know he's responding in exactly that way. People fall out of and in love all the time. He is very, very miserable...why should his legal partner be the brunt of it any longer?
2006-08-18 17:45:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Eric is doing what most men do. suppressing his feelings. He's not numb to the pain, he hurts very much over it. He's engaging in a survival defense mechanisim which is very harmful for him.
There isn't much you can do other than pray for him and suggest that he seek counseling.
However you can bring a horse to water but you cant make him drink.
I wish you all the best and I'll be praying for him.
2006-08-18 18:01:28 · answer #3 · answered by lilmissy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is obviously going through a sever depression to not care about anything. You need to sit him down and explain to him that as much as this situation may hurt, he still has choices. He doesn't have to toleraate this nor does he have to stay in a marriahe where she doesnt respect him. No person is worth losing yourself over...nobody. IF you cant help him, see if maybe he can go talk to a professinal. He is in pain and needs some help.
2006-08-18 17:43:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's pretty obvious to me that he is not "numb" to the pain. If you don't deal with your pain, it affects your life in other, possibly more destructive, ways. It is his choice whether he wants to deal with the cheating and if he does, I would recommend counseling of some sort. His wife should also take responsibility and they should attend some sort of couples counseling. Couples can only overcome infidelity if both people are dedicated to the rebuilding of the relationship.
2006-08-18 17:43:02 · answer #5 · answered by Tomato Soup and Grilled Cheese 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if Eric does not ask for your advice then you should not even try to give, what you should do is make it quite clear to him if he feel he needs you you would support him in whatever decision he make because at the end of it , if he really needs advice he would be seeking it and if he feels you are capable of giving it he would surely come but in most cases like his the person knows what he wants but is just taking sometime to do what he know he has to do
2006-08-18 17:47:36 · answer #6 · answered by Mellisa A 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In case you have forgotten let me remind you; MEN LOVE TO WHINE. He might consider growing up and realizing the world is not a perfect place; rather it is what you make of it. It think this gentleman and his wife should work out their differences between the two of them and quit trying to do so by committee.
2006-08-18 17:41:28 · answer #7 · answered by acmeraven 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he might be depressed... There are medications and treatments for this. I would talk to a doctor if I was him.
2006-08-18 17:43:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's simply not ready to be on his own again, or he'd kick her out.
If you want to help him, help him see past the depression and the anger and tell him he needs to make this change.
2006-08-18 17:41:54 · answer #9 · answered by Meatpies 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It has to be up to them, not you. Just stand behind him in what ever decision he makes
2006-08-18 17:43:19 · answer #10 · answered by Right Wing Extremist 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋