Should we stay together?

Question

I have been married for six years and have a two year old daughter. my husband and i fight alot. things were good up intill this past year. we have said awfull things to each other. from name calling to putting each other down naming every flaw about each other. i love my husband but in my point of you i have only said things in retaliation i just wanted to hurt him right back. i always apologies as soon as i say them but he doesnt. I feel completely alone. we never talk and when we do we fight. we also never have sex, i think the last time was like 3 months ago. we dont say i love you, hug or even kiss. he constaly therthens me with cheating on me when i dont listen to him. i feel i am a good wife i take good care of him i am a stay at home mom and i wait on him hand and foot my husband does nothing for him self. it really is hard for me to let him go he was my first everything. but i am tired and i feel unapriciated. please give some advice

I am not asking for alot, and i do not attack my husband when he walks in the door i allways have every thing ready for him so all he has to do is relax. i enjoy taking care of him i would just like him to apreciate every thing i do for him. I dont demand for him to take me out or to buy me expensive things all the time. all i want is to feel loved and respected.

Answer 1

It's time to start rebuilding your marriage. Neither one of you has take the time to maintain/improve the relationship and now you have drifted apart and even resent each other.

Start seeing a marriage counselor to figure out what you are really fighting about. Learn to fight honestly and fairly without hate and venom.

Then, start dating each other again. Remind yourselves why you married. Seduce each other. Walk and talk together. Plan the future together. Make time each week (or more) to maintain/improve the relationship.

BTW, taking a walk is sometime a good way to avoid nastiness. It's pretty hard to argue during a brisk walk, but you can speak honestly. Give it a try.

You owe it to your children and yourselves to try to love each other again.

Answer 2

I was married to the exact same guy for 20 years. He was my first everything too. We had two daughters. I never felt loved or appreciated. I can tell u what I did. I stopped saying things i did not mean ( in retaliation) when he said hurtful things, I said, "ouch". I went back to college. I got a great job and I continued doing all the things a good wife and mother should do until the day came when I realized that YOU can not change OTHERS, you can only change yourself. It had taken about 5 years to get through school and obtain a good paying job. So with my degree and my job, after giving him plenty of time to change, I told him, "if things don't change, I am leaving". I hoped and hoped that he would treat me like he loved me, or even like me. After 3 months it was clear he was not going to change. He had no respect for me as a human being much less a wife. I left. .... THEN he changed (or so he said) but I never looked back. I stayed single for 6 years and learned how to be a confident woman - takes some time after someone is mean to you all the time. Met a great guy 18 months ago that loves me very much. Treats me the way I want to be treated. Sorry so long but Starting Today begin to change YOURSELF and become all that you can be. Do this for yourself and your child. Best of luck to you :)

Answer 3

I haven't read the other answers, but the first thing I would suggest is counseling. It really, really can help. But why after 5 years did things go to hell in a handbasket a year ago? Did something spark it? In any case, there's no way you can continue in this kind of lifestyle, especially since you do have a child who is more intuitive than you might realize. You said you love him, and if that's true, then please try counseling. If either of you is a student, you can get free counseling at the university. There may be other avenues for free or reduced price counseling. Also, you could write a nice letter to Dr. Phil ... seriously, he always gives couples free counseling. Whatever you do, you should do it soon because this is no way for anyone to live.

Answer 4

AH the seven year itch. This tends to happen to couples that reach this number of years in marriage. Usually after a situation like yours and the put downs etc there is a lot of sore spots that need to be reconciled. This is best done with a marriage counselor or therapist that will assist you in understanding the underlying feelings and how to overcome them. As far as the waiting hand and foot - this will also be part of the counseling. He needs to be a contributor and you need to feel the appreciation. Your marriage is not doomed but both need to put some hard work into making each other loved and happy

Answer 5

Hi sweetie, I'm sorry your going through this problem. I think it's time for some marriage counseling. It looks like he's bored of the same ole thing everyday, and it sounds like your expecting to much from him cause you stay home and he's out working. I understand that. When my kids we little I was always home. then when my husband got home from work I would nag him to take me out. I needed attention and more love from him but he was always too tired and didn't want to talk when he got home from work. You guys do need some alone time to talk. Try to call a realative or friend to babysit for you and you guys go out on a night alone to re-connect to the way you once was. but it's going to take more than one try. Dont expect for things to happen over night. Try to be sexier for him instead of nagging and he will give you attention. Just try it okay. And when he gets home from work let him rest first before you ask for anything. He can respond better to you if he's well rested. Okay I hope things work out.......good luck...

Answer 6

Wow you guys need to get into some serious marriage counsuling. You need to have just you and him time. When you have children people forget to date each other. You both need to stop the name calling and find the things that you each fell in love with each other. Take a trip just the two of you or even a weekend. And continue to do that.

Answer 7

Marriage counseling (if you can convince him to go)
I'm sorry you are going through this..... You need to talk to him. I know you dont want to lose him so if he is going to change then good for you both! If not you probably should move on and find you someone who will treat you like the queen you are. I'm a stay at home Mom myself and I know how hard it can be. Good luck, I am thinking of you.

Answer 8

leave him.. talk to yr parents, his parents n all other elders about this! dun suffer in silence please.. i understand cmg from a traditional indian background divorce is e last thing on earth tt u wuld consider. but at least ths way he takes u more seriously. now hes not taking u seriously. ur bein a hsewife n dependng on him gves him e self confdnce to tink u r gng to take it all lying down. show him hes wrong. make a fuss over it. disgrace him smear his reputation wid e elders of e family. tt way he would think twice abt hurting u next time :) trust me dis works! gud luk!..

Answer 9

it not good to be fight all the time even around the kids becase what are you thaching thim have you tryied marriege counsealing