We have an 11 month old little boy and I need to insure that I have physical custody of him. However, I don't work because I care for the child. My husband has changed a total of 5 diapers and has never feed him or anything. It would break my heart to have my son raised like his dad but how can I insure that I will have my son. I do want my husband to have visitation rights though.
2006-08-18 09:45:22 · 17 answers · asked by beautifulblondie2004 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He has refused to see a counselor. I have already tried that route.
2006-08-18 19:08:12 · update #1
Leave him - why do you want him to have visitation right? If he is emotionally and verbally abusive why subject your child to that? Just dump him.
2006-08-18 09:51:12 · answer #1 · answered by doc 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why do you want him to have visitation rights?? Is it because you feel bad for leaving him? If he is abusive in any way, even if its not physical, this abuse will continue on to your son during his visitations! You should really rethink that.
Yes, leave him, if you think things will not change. Perhaps counseling would help, but probably not, from your tone in the questions.
My boss (I'm a nanny) went through this with her two young children recently.
1. When you leave him, take your son, and go at least an hours drive from him, but stay in the state. Do not let him have any visitation without a court order.
2. Take money (cash), cancel your credit cards, bank accounts, anything he can get at, because he will try. He will be desperate and he will do anything! Make sure you get all your legal papers, birth certificates, SS cards, marriage certificate - everything.
3. Get a good lawyer if possible, this will be your lifeline.
4. Let HIM file for divorce, only then can he file for custody or visitation. If he does not file for divorce then remain married, but separated as long as possible. He cannot file for custody if you are still married. Do not let him convince you to let him see the child. Make him do it legally.
5. The courts will determine what is best for the child at the time that custody is awarded. There is a slim chance they will take the child from the parent who the child is physically with, unless they find that you are an unfit parent. So
Find a permanent residence - even if it is with a family member, friend, or whatever. Make sure that it is safe, secure, and a healthy environment for your child
Find a source of income. Either finding a job, going on welfare, whatever.
Enroll your child in some kind of activity, a class, story time, a church would be a good idea.
Make it so that your child is secure in his new home without his dad and that a custody change would severly alter your child's life.
Chances are he will receive visitation, but it is unlikely he will get custody.
Good luck - if you have any questions for me email me!
2006-08-18 17:02:51 · answer #2 · answered by Ann 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Any court action is a roll of the dice. There are never any "guarantees". However, you have a huge, huge advantage. You get to plan. He doesn't. The key to any successful litigation is evidence (and a good attorney). You get evidence by proper preparation. Spend some time preparing. Document what you do vs. what he does. Map the amount of time he spends with the child vs. you. Gather a support network of friends and family who can help (the "it takes a village" mentality). Document the abuse (you'll need more than your word. Get witnesses who are willing to go to court for you. Literally, "don't leave home without them").
If you can win the temporary custody order, your chances are better than 90% you'll win the final order, so that first hearing is critical. Absolutely critical. So, get your ducks in order, then blindside him. Get a quick hearing on temporary custody, before he has a chance to prepare (many states allow a short-term order without him even getting notice of the hearing).
Stability is a big issue with an infant. Make sure you get the house, so you can argue it's best the child stay with you in his familiar little home. Since you're the mom and primary care giver, you have a huge advantage already.
Don't alert your hubby to the impending divorce. Talk to your attorney weeks or months before you file, so you can have everything ready for him when you do. Prepare, prepare, prepare. Then, strike swiftly, while he's still off balance. Win the early orders, then don't do anything to screw up till the final order's in.
My motto as a trial attorney was: "Never give up, never give in, never surrender. And if you must go down, with your last breath, reach up and drag them down to the pit with you."
2006-08-18 17:03:00 · answer #3 · answered by antirion 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I dont think that you would lose custody of him just because you dont have a job but i think that you need to get some things in place before you do this. make sure you have a good lawyer and get your affairs in place. like sign up for school or take a part time job. you have to show that you are trying to do what's best for you and your son. I think that he doesnt have a chance at custody because of his emotional and verbal abuse. the child does not need to be around this. also, the visits with the child should be supervised. make sure before you do something that you talk to someone like a lawyer who can guide you through this.
I hate that you have to go through this especially with having a baby. everything will work out for you. just pray about it and ask God to lead you in the right direction.
2006-08-18 16:57:38 · answer #4 · answered by MRS. WT 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Btw...some men are narcissists. These individuals have very low self-esteem, usually from some kind of abuse in their own childhoods, and they cope by creating a falsely inflated self and by looking to others for "narcissistic supply" -- admiration, attention, etc....To these individuals, everything is about them. Some will even that say that outright, with pride. They don't see the point of doing anything that doesn't serve them in some way. They are highly manipulative and lack empathy. (As soon as the subject turns to you, they lose interest!)
If you think you might be dealing with a narcissist, there's a great online forum/support group, Narcissistic Personality Disorder Refuge (NPDR) at http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/npd...
If your husband is an N, your son will be better off being raised by a single mother. No question.
:) Jen
2006-08-21 19:03:10 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Try fixing the issues in your marriage before you run away from them...such behavior is adjustable...and if it doesn't work then your effort can be used as leverage to take physical custody of your child....your 1st 12 months are the most stressful times of child raising and that alone can add alot of stress to a relationship...give your husband a chance to step up to the plate and learn how to be a good father and husband..good luck.
2006-08-18 17:07:53 · answer #6 · answered by Goodspeed 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen there. I don't know you. But I just got divorced because of verbal abuse. After 18 years of that I had to get out. Even though I work and my sons are 18 and 16 I wasn't going to continue in something so wrong. If you can just go. If you can't get a lawyer who will help you get custody of your son. Get out before it's too late.
2006-08-18 16:53:26 · answer #7 · answered by candchotel18 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Listen to Mike your first answer,...Get some evidence of his verbal and/or physical violence. File apolice report next time he so much as farts on you. I know you don't want to see him arrested however no court would grant him full custody with domestic violence on his record.
Just be very careful a lot of men just end up abandoning thier children after u leave them any ways maybe he will be the same :)
2006-08-18 17:04:56 · answer #8 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to a lawyer. Explain your situation and get yourself a few good voice recorders. Just because you haven't worked doesn't mean anything. In any case, he would have to pay you not only child support but alimony because you have been caring for HIS child.
Since you are home, do some research while he is away so to save yourself a BIG headache. If you can't then get a friend to do it for you.
****, if you need someone, I can help you. I hate men like that.
2006-08-18 16:57:10 · answer #9 · answered by lovely butterfly 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well if you're serious, you better get yourself a job. No judge is going to give you custody without one if your husband trys to get custody. Unless of course you for some reason have this abuse documented and can show he would not be a fit father.
2006-08-18 16:52:42 · answer #10 · answered by Special Ethel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋