Am I racist because I don't want my son to marry a white woman?Can't I just want him to marry one of his own?

Question

My best friend is white (no pun intended) and I love her to death but I just want my son to marry a black woman. My husband and brother both say I am racist. Are they correct?

Answer 1

No, you are not a racist. It is fine to share you opinion, but it isn't right to limit your son's experiences based on your beliefs. If you raise him to be a strong black man, then he will be fully capable of choosing the right woman who will cherish and respect him, no matter what her race happens to be. And in the end, the only thing that will really matter is that he is happy and in a loving relationship.

Answer 2

This is an interesting question.

You're black, but you're best friend is white. And you love her to death.

What if your son meets a white women, becomes friends with her, and loves her to death as well? Then realises he loves her more than that and wants to marry her?

Your thought could be a racist one, but since you have white friends, I think there's more to it.

WHY don't you want your son to marry a white woman? What about it is bothering you? Is it that you're just concerned for him? Worried about what other people might think? Worried that their future children maybe be discriminated against? Is it a cultural issue? These are all legitimate concerns, however, you can't choose who you love. If your son was to meet and marry a white woman, it's almost a double standard to say that it's ok for you to have a white friend, but it's not ok for him to have a white girlfriend or wife.

These are some questions to think about.

Answer 3

I'm not quite sure actually. I mean if your son falls in love with a white woman, and you get angry with him and don't support it, then I think you would be racist. But wishing he would marry someone of his own kind isn't bad I don't think. It would be like a Christian wanting their child to marry a Christian, or an Asian wanting them to marry an Asian. As long as you support him no matter what he chooses then I think you'll be okay.

Although, I think if a white person said they wanted their child to only marry a white person, you would consider them racist. So I really don't know what to tell you

Answer 4

On the scale of racist acts, that one is WAY down there, in my opinion.

A person can be almost completely unracist in most regards, but still not want their offspring to marry a different race. For one thing, as some of the responders have pointed out, there's the whole social stigma deal. Maybe the stigma is diminishing, but it's still there, and it's still pretty strong, and it can make life harder--for both the couple and their children--to have to put up with it.
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Also, there's a certain natural inclination to want one's descendents to be the same race as oneself. Obviously the inclination is stronger in some than in others, but again it's there, and it doesn't mean you're a bad person if you happen to feel that way.

So in other words, I wouldn't beat yourself up over feeling that way.

Answer 5

Umm, I don't think you're being racist. Many people are put off by marrying outside their race for any number of reasons. And I think being racist is holding on to prejudices even when reason says otherwise, that is, not confronting our prejudices. But you have to admit, there's nothing you can do to prevent your son from making up his own mind and heart about the matter.

Answer 6

No, I don't think so. Your best friend is white for gods sake. I know what you mean, my son dates people of all races, white, black, Mexican-. At first i was glad that he was not racist, but when it comes time for him to get married i would rather see him with a white girl, but i guess as long as she loves him and he loves her it really is not my call-huh?

Answer 7

You know, I always wondered why so many people attach racism to preference. I am white. My best friend is a black woman. However, I would not want to date a black woman. Just a prefernce thing. I have an idea in my head to what "I" think is attractive and I am sorry but a black woman just does not fit with it.

Answer 8

To a some extent, yes.

Love knows no boundaries, and to make one on the basis of skin color alone is nonsensical.

Let me explain:
Would you be happy with your son marrying a murderer?
A con-artist?
A known prostitute?
A drug addict or alcoholic?

There are FAR worse things in life, than for something that simple to cause a division in love.

And where would you draw the line?
An albino African?
A slightly tanned Caucasian?
An Asian?
A Latino?
A Native American?
A pale African?
The deepest, richest, fullest darkness an African can accomplish?
A Caucasian that's had such terrible burns, her skin is as blackened as any African?
An African with blue eyes and blonde hair?

Is it truly the color that matters?

After all... you and I both bleed red.

Answer 9

YES u are. Even if u don't want to be u are. We are all of one race, THE HUMAN RACE. Now i could understand if she didn't fall into that category but she does, what u should care about is if she'll treat your son right. Would u rather he be with a black women who treated him like **** and didn't make him happy? Do u even care about his happiness? If so, then that's what u should focus on. It's attitudes like this that keep racism going in the world, it's ppl like u who keep making it hard for mixed racial couples and their kids to live happy non-hindered lives. Smarten up and be happy your son found someone to love PERIOD!!!!!

Answer 10

It isn't really your decision about whom your son chooses to marry. When he is mature enough to make that sort of decision you should be mature enough not to try to get in his way. If you have a closed mind about this, well frankly this is the sort of thing that has the potential to tear a family apart, or at least cause a rift between mother and son.

I speak from personal experience. I am hispanic and my fiancee is white. Her parents were less than enthusiastic about it at first but once they learned that I would not let them make decisions for us, and once they learned that it was in their best interest to let us do as we wish, then we all got along much better. It's not so much about delivering ultimatums to a person; rather it is about shocking them into realizing the facts of the situation.

So to wrap this up, please let your son be a man and fall in love with whomever he wants. If you manage to force him into a marriage that he does not want, that will poison that relationship forever, potentially setting him up for divorce later. Good luck and thanks for being honest enough with yourself to come here and learn the truth. That was brave of you considering the comments you are bound to receive.