My husband an i have been married for 8 years. I had 2 kids when we met, then he and I had another. He had some bad things happen to him as a child from an older step brother. He is a wonderful man to me. He says he doesnt believe in cheating..he treats me like a queen, he just doesnt ever want to have sex. We did alot when we were dating, and after we got married. But a few years ago, it just stopped, I have talked to him about this issue over and over, he says he is just tired, and the kids wear him out, and he says we didnt have time to be a couple before marriage, just an instant family. But he says he wouldnt trade that for anything in the world. He loves and treats all the kids the same..He is my best friend. We tell each other everything...I just try and have sex, and he falls asleep or doesnt seem interested. When i talk to him about it, he says he is very attracted to me, he is just tired. Could he be having an affair. He has strong morals against that...
2006-08-18 09:08:50 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No I don't think hes cheating,i think he has problems stemming from his family life .Talk to him try gently to get him to open up.Just sit and hold him ,not trying to ask for anything other than the closeness. If you love him try your best to be patient you need to help him get to the root of the problem.Will he go to counseling? Will he talk to a stranger more easily than you about his problem. He may have an underlying medical problem,have him see a doctor,do not pressure him to have sex until you really know why he isn't . He could have depression that lowers or stops sexual desire,there are so many reasons.I don't think he is cheating on you with anyone.get him to a doctor and then show him you love him and are there for him I wish you luck hon.
2006-08-18 09:23:13 · answer #1 · answered by Yakuza 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When men cheat, they often lose interest in sex with their spouse. But, they don't generally keep up the rest of the relationship either. As a result, I don't think he cheating on you. (Perhaps he did in the past, but now just feels guilty about it? I doubt that too.)
For now, I think you need to send the kids away for a weekend so you can go away for a weekend. Find a beach, a cabin, a hotel on the boardwalk, a B&B near a hiking trail, or something that you can both enjoy.
Once you get there, get plenty of sleep. Then, work on the friendship. You say it's still good, so put it to work. Tell him everything. Don't make it sound like you want sex. Instead, tell him you want more closeness so you can love each other more. (That's the truth, right?)
Tell him all the thing you wrote here that describe how much you love him and what a good a man he is for you and the children. Treasure him. Don't seduce him right away, but do it when he's not expecting it -- say, before you go out to dinner. If you wait until you return, he may feel it's "expected". That turns everyone off.
Then, just stay close and relax and see what happens.
2006-08-18 09:28:43 · answer #2 · answered by Otis F 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An affair is a possibility, but probably not likely in this case. It is not all that uncommon for men to lose interest in sex in their marriage. Sometimes it is stress, or the feeling of being stuck in a rut. It could be a symptom of depression; it could even be a hormonal thing like low testosterone. Being tired is a perfectly reasonable excuse, but every day? How long has it been? Does he show you affection in other ways besides sex? Let him know it is important to you to have a healthy sex life and that you want him to get to the cause of his lack of interest. It is sometimes hard to get guys to go to a doctor and even harder to get them to go to counseling, but these would be the best first steps at getting to the root of the problem.
2006-08-18 09:27:15 · answer #3 · answered by nuclear_science 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I know this has got to be driving you crazy. Lets assume that what he says is true. If he is actually so tired then the first thing is to have him see a doctor. Maybe he has a health issue that he isn't aware of that is making him so tired. The next step is to examine his life and see if there are changes that can be made to reduce the wear and tear on him. Third is exercise, at first this will wear him out but over time as he gets in shape he will be less tired and have more energy. The last item is older men and sex in general. As a man ages it takes a lot more to get him interested in sex on a physical level. It takes a lot more physical stimulation to get his body to actually respond. Take time to use your hands and mouth to stimulate him. Give it time for his body to respond and keep doing it beyond just that initial response.
2006-08-18 09:20:35 · answer #4 · answered by rkrell 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It could be a male problem which he may need to address with a doctor. Most men will not talk about it due to embarrassment, but maybe he needs that little blue pill. This could be his denial of it. As for the advice to go and have an affair. . . I would not, that would drive a wedge between you that might never be closed again.
2006-08-18 09:18:31 · answer #5 · answered by g m 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well honey, he sounds like a great guy, maybe he is just tired. why don't the two of you, and just the two of you go away for the weekend together. even if it is to the hotel down the street, just you and him away from the children. make it a romantic getaway and see if that part of your marriage can be rekindled. take some sexy lingerie, maybe some fruit & reddi whip, and a nice bottle of whatever you like and just enjoy each other. there is more to marriage than sex sweetheart, but believe me you are but a weekend away from knowing how much you marriage means to you and to him. good luck, and god bless.
2006-08-18 09:37:01 · answer #6 · answered by Kimmie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This must change. You should live with your lover, not just a husband. There IS a reason for him having zero interest is sex. Make him a appointment for a physical. Insist. Assuming it's not physical, then you need to work to figure out why. This is vital, so don't wait.
2006-08-18 11:04:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
try having a family member or a close friend watch the kids for a weekend you and him go out have a good time and maybe something will spark or just stay in and relax and see if it happens with the kids gone he shouldnt be tired but just try this and if nothing happens then its deeper than he's tired
2006-08-18 09:19:54 · answer #8 · answered by teresa d 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There could be many things that could be causing the problem. It might be a good idea to try and talk him into seeing a doctor or psycologist. I would assume that he is telling you the truth.
2006-08-18 09:23:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband could be suffering from a depression.
2006-08-18 09:26:07 · answer #10 · answered by Dragonfly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋