My husband says that I am selfish because I like to hang out with my family ALOT, I do because he doesnt want to do anything he is a in house man I like to be out having fun, I love him but he thinks that I dont allthough we been married 10 years, I ask him why dont he leave he says cause nothing better is out there. when he is sweet he is the sweetest when he is being a jerk nothing can compare. I love him so much, He says I am just using him, I would never use him if only he knew how my heart beats for him........... I just dont know what to do any more we just keep making each other miserable, someone help
2006-08-18 09:00:36 · 14 answers · asked by Robyn D 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
One...he should be grateful you aren't in a bar with your pals hanging out. Two...good for him if he says that you're the best and anything else is not up to standard. I think the fact you prefer being around your family isn't quite "using him" as he says.
He doesn't know how good he has it. So...tell him to stay home and have fun. Why? What's he want you to do? Watch TV with him or what?
2006-08-18 09:07:06 · answer #1 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband is the same. He says I am selfish when I go out with my friends. Just because he DOESN'T have any friends or family that he can hang with. He finally admitted though, that he thinks the world of my parents. But he doesn't want to hang out at all with them. He would like me to stay home as well. We are miserable too. I don't love him anymore. I am considering a divorce just so I can have some fun and feel like I am loved from somebody.
2006-08-18 16:29:08 · answer #2 · answered by dtammyus♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. Married 10 years and still having problems with communication. I can relate to your not wanting to stay home all the time. I would go nuts. He is probably jealous of the time you spend with your family (but too proud or stubborn to say so).I'm sure you have tried inviting him along and he has refused to go. Maybe try planning something special for the two of you to do at home alone once in a while (rent a movie, ect). Does he have ANY interests you can plan something around? You can let him know that you are not going to stop spending time with your family but you are more than willing to spend time with him too. This is a two way street, however. He needs to realize HE has an obligation to this relationship just as you do. If he doesn't want you to be gone so much, he needs to make staying home more fun. With a little imagination, candlelight, a bottle of wine-neither one of you may want to go anywhere!
2006-08-18 16:27:00 · answer #3 · answered by Debbie D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband probably has undiagnosed clinical depression., Have him evaluated. If he refuses, there is little of anything you can do.
I also think he might resent or dislike some of your family members. See if he will go into couples counseling with you with a trained therapist.
If your man still refuses, you go alone to therapy.
He might need some medication or a more spiritual grounding. He might study Buddhism to get into the present and learn to enjoy what he has rather than what might be resentments towards what he see is his own failed life.
He is draggin you down, nonetheless.
Immediately research Landmark Education Corporation. They have a three day and one evening workshop called The Forum. Best work I've ever done....it's about what it means to be a succesful human being without the religion or brainwashing. They have free intros.
2006-08-18 16:35:31 · answer #4 · answered by Legandivori 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like the two have you have forgotten that marriage is a lot of work and is all about compromise. Sit down together and agree that you two like different things and that is ok. That each of you will spend more time with the other doing some of the things that the other person likes to do. If you have to schedule it out. That way each of you gets what you want plus more time with each other.
2006-08-18 16:08:07 · answer #5 · answered by rkrell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you are married your spouse comes first. When you hang out more with your family than him that kind of says "i don't like you" and you say you love him? Actions must show. Look at it like this, if he hung out with the guys like you hang out would you be happy? hell no. You need to focus on how to keep him. Because one day he WILL go hang out and won't come back......how would that feel
2006-08-18 16:15:11 · answer #6 · answered by phantom 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
suggest to him that the 2 of youjust go out at least twice a month maybe dancing or the movies and dinner or a play do something together so that you wont loss that magic sparkle that you 2 have staying at home is ok but once and awhile you have to get out you with the girls and he with guys and i dont think your bad for hanging out with the girls just dont ignore his feelings good luck
2006-08-18 16:13:11 · answer #7 · answered by teresa d 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you try to get him out the house instead?well..if he is a jerk and the only reason he hasn't left because there is no one out there then give him a chance..maybe he'll turn around, if not then leave him.
2006-08-18 16:15:12 · answer #8 · answered by syshy_4chrisb 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like there might not be enough good communications between the two of you. Open up with him more on what is bothering you and he might do the same. You will find it is harder for guys to open up, but given the opportunity it often happens.
2006-08-18 16:06:33 · answer #9 · answered by g m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need some professional counseling before things escalate further. You are at a point where you are agreeing to disagree. Get some help.
2006-08-18 16:07:35 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋