How do you you start all over?No freinds, no clothes, no money,no social security card or form of I.D.etc.. How do you trust again? will the next relationship be the same?
2006-08-18 08:38:39 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
take time to heal thy self, if you are serious maybe you need to find some one to talk to, once you tell yourself he did not take your self worth away and you are somebody, God did not take the time to make a nobody, you'll be fine.I'll keep you in my prayers
2006-08-18 08:49:10 · answer #1 · answered by elizabeth_davis28 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You literally have to start from the bottom of the barrel and work yourself back up. I have been there and its taken me 3 years just to get where I am now, which isn't wonderful but its heaven compared to life with my first husband. We were married for 8 years and he was a control freak and an abusive drunk. First, find a place to stay. Make the surroundings as comfortable for yourself as you can. Get yourself a tote bag and get whatever needed items that you can afford. Go to your local social services office and sign up for whatever kind of help that you can get. When you can, get two or three decent outfits and start job hunting. Watch every penny. You'll have to get a new mailing address or p.o. box so that the social security office can get you a new card. Also, ask for help from family members and don't jump into another relationship!!! Get your life straight first so that you can be a little picky in choosing a mate next time.
2006-08-18 15:52:07 · answer #2 · answered by stephanierudder 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Lots of counseling! Make new friends, and find a job. Get yourself out there again. Being in a relationship isnt what you need right now. You need to work on you. You will be able to trust another man again and when you do you will be a different person and you will know what to look for so it doesnt happen again! Get strong first!
2006-08-18 16:03:49 · answer #3 · answered by WENDY G 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I am sorry you have apparently suffered through a lot of bad treatment.
Too many people are crumbs until they reach their mid thirtees. They play games like crazy, lie, cheat, etc. Some never change. As they mature, some realize people are dying in their families, their relationships haven't worked, they get sick of the bars, the dates they used to pick up think they are too old, their jobs bring no satisfaction.
Some even make amends to those they had hurt, or else, do some kind of service to feel that they are not just takers. Many then start to consider marriage, if for no other reason than they see themselves losing or getting gray hair, wrinkles, getting fired, feeling unsatisfied at work, etc.
The divorce rate is over 50 percent failure in the USA for first time marriages, over seventy percent failure rate for second time marriages. That IS the truth.
You MUST develop yourself to the fullest, define what makes you tick and passionate, and you must become extremely successful in your hidden life passions and career.
It is only when your own true life and career are in full swing and you are really making a greater success of yourself that the right people show up. Bars bring on alcoholic irresponsible jerks. Clubs too. A great dancer and the right lines do not mean love and successful marriages. Do not mix up great sex with love either. They are two distinct and separate entities. Sex is to reproduce the species only. It is not love. Love is something else. Sex can improve with real love and intimacy. If you are in lust, it is not love. If someone is bad to you, you do not want sex with them unless you are delusional and are using them too, or if you mistakingly think that a great orgasm will make your partner stay or change. If you find yourself thinking about that special person 100 percent of the time or close to it, that person is NOT good for you. You will lose yourself and your values and life in that person. You have the right to be treated well and decently. That does not mean lavishly. It means honestly with respect. And it goes both ways.
If you are the type who takes crap from people, stop taking crap early on, and you will avoid lots of pain.
I once created Cinderella. We all do dumb things.
I think your choices are not good, that's all. Never acccept veral or physical abuse under ANY circumstances.
Do you go for glitz and the great dressers? Stop. Are you a caretaker type who rescues partners? Stop that now. If you are a perfectionist who emotionally picks on a partner, stop it now. If you always criticize a partner for small things, stop it now. It takes two to tango.
Forget the multitude of books. They will mostly confuse you except the short Robert Johnson trio of books: He, She and We.
Learn about boundaries. There is a great book on the subject called Boundaries. It is a thick non-religious book on the subject, a soft cover, /Ph DO written. Also, Don't Say Yes When You Want to Say No is another great book.
I personally have done numerous workshops, read lots of self help books, been in therapy, etc. I have done EST, Landmark Educatrion Corporation's The Forum ( fabulous...try it), etc. I think therapy was the biggest waste of time. Reading great self-help books is therapy, because we learn about our own weaknesses and learn self improvement. I have learned it is not what we do but rahter, who we do it with. Stay away from destructive people, and that might sometimes especially mean family.
Only judge people on their actions and deeds. If a partner says that they love you and cheats, the partner does NOT love you. If a partner never says they loves you but treats you well, the partner loves you. It is all about actions. YOU want sosmeone who can walk equally with you and you with them, one who asks for advice, one who doesn't bottle up anger, and that goes both ways. Also, if you are selfish and materialistic, cut that out. No one wants a gold digger. Make something of yourself to get your own cash.
Also remember: no one is perfect.
2006-08-18 15:56:16 · answer #4 · answered by Legandivori 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can relate...I still haven't learned to trust yet a decade later!
Look, I'm obviously an idiot if I can let one woman *satan* make me that gunshy for over a decade...but you don't want to be a mental case like me, DO YOU?!!!
Try to remember the good things that come from love, and dive in while you still can.
2006-08-18 15:46:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to seek government support or even ur family. Dont trust again by the way. Just pray to find a descent job.
2006-08-18 15:48:54 · answer #6 · answered by wondergirl 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
counseling
not all relationships are like that.
are you at a battered women's shelter? if not find one, and they can help you with the I.D. issue.
friends will come in time.
counseling
2006-08-18 15:50:28 · answer #7 · answered by bmoline 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Get counseling. Good luck.
2006-08-18 15:44:20 · answer #8 · answered by doc 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Make this your learning experience.... it helps....
2006-08-18 15:45:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
No, it won't!!! All people are different.
2006-08-18 15:44:50 · answer #10 · answered by oppa 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋