Okay, I'm 22 and just lost one of my close childhood friends in a car accident. I live about 800 miles away from my home town and my husband said I can't go back for the funneral. I think I should be able to go. Who's right me or him?
This is the first friend I have lost and it has hit me pretty hard.
2006-08-18 07:56:50 · 65 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
This is a female friend. We can afford it, he is just a control freak. He can't take the time off of work so he figures "if I can't go to watch you then you can't go."
2006-08-18 08:16:08 · update #1
Go to the funeral. Your husband will be there when you get back but you only have this one chance to say good-by to your friend.
My deepest sympathy.
2006-08-18 08:03:00 · answer #1 · answered by Bree 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I'm very sorry for your loss. But to answer your question, your right. Plain and simple. You're closest childhood friend died. I think your husband should be more understanding of your need for closure. As a caring husband he shouldn't tell you that you can't go back. Thats not healthy, its sounding like he wants to keep you locked up in the house. Take my advice and GO. You will regret it the rest of your life if you don't. I missed my friends funeral because I was out of the country and didn't even know he passed until I got back to the States. It still upsets me to this day. Trust me, go see your friend one last time.
2006-08-18 08:05:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have expessed a true need and desire to attend your friend's funeral, he should not allow you to go, but should attend the funeral with you. Marriage is give and take. Is it a huge financial burden at this time, or can you comfortably afford to go? The two of you need to sit down and see if it is possible to afford going. If so, ask him to attend with you, if not, sometimes you have to be responsible and realize that funerals are only for the living. Your friend will not care if you are there or not, they are in a better place and do not judge those of us left behind. As long as he is supportive emotionally, attending the funeral is really just secondary. My guess is if he were being emotionally supportive at this point you would not even be asking this question. Maybe the question you should be asking is ...Why is my husband not being supportive at a time when I need him?
2006-08-18 08:08:15 · answer #3 · answered by Cynthia 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't say why your husband objects. Perhaps you will have to take time off work or otherwise dip into the family income to finance the trip and you can't afford this? Try sending condolences to your friend's family by card or make a condolence telephone call. Your friend is no longer with us and you and your husband have to live on in harmony.
Sorry for your loss.
2006-08-18 08:04:01 · answer #4 · answered by Chris 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Paying to travel 800 miles, whether by car or air, can strain a young couple's financial situation quite a lot. I think you should content yourself with sending flowers for the family, and visiting the friend's grave the next time you are in town. If it were a family member, it might be different. You would probably find the funeral less comforting than you might think, anyway.
Sorry, but I think your husband is right.
2006-08-18 08:03:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is the reason why he says you can't go? I see no reason to have to ask. Just say when you are leaving and when you will be back. You are an adult and don't need permission! I can understand a husband giving you an opinion and having feelings about the issue but that's no reason for him to have his say in what you do.
2006-08-18 08:04:35 · answer #6 · answered by pinksmycolor 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How is it that he has ruling on if you go or not?? He's in the wrong but the fact that he gets to decide something like that for you is more concerning to me. Your an adult, just because your married doesn't mean you loose the ability to make decisions. Some things in marriage should be decided together but not this. Go say goodbye to your friend. You have my condolences
2006-08-18 08:07:00 · answer #7 · answered by kinkykiki2006 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why does he say u cant go back? Is it financial reasons? If so thats understandable. If its a control thing thats bull...You together need to decide what to do. If u cant make it home send his family a card with a nice note letting them know how sorry u are. I am sorry for your loss, Im sure its hard to be so far away, but you dont want to fight with your husband over this..Good Luck..
2006-08-18 08:05:03 · answer #8 · answered by misstikal311 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you in an arabian country where your husband is allowed to kill you if you dishonor him?!!!
Take the vehicle and go say goodbye, honey, you need to do it not only for your well-being but also so your husband learns that you are not his property.
Yes, this IS a guy saying this to you! Good luck and my sympathy at this time of loss. (At least someone should be on your side!)
2006-08-18 08:10:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to exercise your right as a wife, and go to the funeral. If you don't, it will cause resentment against your husband, and you will never forgive him. Go, he'll get over it! It's the last thing you can ever do for your friend.
2006-08-18 08:04:12 · answer #10 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your HUSBAND is wrong. Death is tragic enough (for anyone); without being told you cannot attend the Funeral. That is ludacrious!! Life is short and friends are "special". You will NEVER forgive yourself if you don't attend the funeral. It is your FINAL RESPECTS for the person. No one has a right to deny you this opportunity. Your " husband" needs to check his motive for saying no, and bless you with the opportunity to attend the funeral. This is something that can affect your marriage for ever! He is not in control of you....you are a person with rights! Go to the funeral, and may GOD BLESS YOU WITH PEACE!!!
2006-08-18 08:06:59 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋