Hold on now..now let's be fair; here's all the facts...?

Question

When I met my new wife..she did everything in her power to establish a relationship not only with me and my son but had my x over on numerous occssions for breakfast and dinner. This she did so my ex could feel secure about our child being around her by them getting to know each other. My wife also invited my ex to holiday events with my family so that our son not be deprived of any one parent being for holiday events. My wife went above and beyond to make a good and pleasant atmosphere for all of us to partake in this childs world...but my ex always caused disrespectful interrutions at these family gatherings and great discomfort to all our guests. Finally she was asked by me, not my wife, to opt out of our family gatherings. It has been difficult because my ex-wife has never me and felt burdened with our son because he was he result of her ploy for a green card / to get citizenship in the country. She has never wanted to be a mother until my new wife came along..So what do I do?

Answer 1

First and foremost, if you do not have legal custody, make the sacrifice, pay an attorney, and get that baby living with you and your wife permanently.

You are going to have to discontinue the relationship that you and your new wife are trying to gain with your ex-wife. She is going to do all in her power to make you both miserable, and eventually, it will work. The one who will suffer most through her endeavors will be your child.

Talk to your child often. Tell him that mommy is not thinking straight and it's best that you all let her calm down before trying to build a relationship with her. But whatever you do, don't get caught up in bashing his mother. Children listen to and hear everything and he will end up disliking you and your wife because of it.

Concentrate on your marriage (number one) and the well-being of your family. Praise your wife for her efforts and show your child how stable your marriage is by loving your wife and respecting her.

Never meet with or call your ex-wife unless you are in the presence of your current wife. You ex is going to try some crazy tactics.

Start writing down and recording EVERYTHING that your ex does and says. Put dates, occasions, time, reasons, etc. Anything that you can think of that you may need in court. Don't every think that something is too small to write down or record. If she calls your house and leaves nasty messages, save them. Any letters she writes to you, your wife, your child--keep them. Report threats immediately. Do not threaten her, just hang up or ask her to leave. Call the police if she does not.

Do you get the picture? This is really important. It may seem stupid or crazy, but just do it or have your wife do it.

Answer 2

Congrats on the new wife. Many women do not go above and beyond the call of duty this way. She sounds like a hell of a woman. For the ex-wife, tell her you MUST do what is best for your child and your wife, and tell her to stay away from family gatherings and etc. Sounds like she is doing nothing more than trying to cause trouble. Thank the lord you have your new wife, and the fact she is an excellent person. Take care the best you can, and I wish you good luck.

Answer 3

You keep on pushing it and don't get it. You are a cruel, cruel man and don't see it.
I'm positive that your new wife have no kids of her own and doesn't know how it feels to be divorced and alone and overwhelmed with uncertainty.
You set your ex-w for failure by pushing her into an awkard social situations by bringingr her into your new household. I know that you probably meant well but this is PAINFUL for her. You don't get it do you??? It's of hipocryts to sit down and smile and have punch and pretend that it doesn't hurt.

You are a CRUEL person, there is nothing wrong with your ex-wife, but there is certainly something wrong with you. I really feel sorry for your ex-wife.

You are a heartless monster. And yeah, being here, alone, and away of family and friends with an ex-husband that is trying to rub on her face his new "oh-so-perfect wife"in public is no picnic.

You are not a gentleman and have no social skills whatsoever.

I can't belive that you had the nerve to go forward with the story. You have NO shame. This is just ways of justifying yourself. I'm sure that you were the one that cheated and left.

And yes, everybody said that she just wanted a green card when things don;t worout. Whatever, And I wonder why she gpt pregnant desperatly when you were FOOLING around and cheating on her with your current wife. You have NO shame at all. How can you brag on something like that.

You are such an a$$hole

Answer 4

Treasure your new wife and the relationship she has dev;oped with your son. (how old is he?) It must be very difficult to raise your son and try to keep peace and balance in your life at the same time. I cannot begin to think of how you handle the deciet of yur ex or even how she lives with her self. One day she will find that he is grown, the money has stopped, and she missed out on building memories with him to carry through life. Alot of people have difficulty understanding that it is not just that carrying of a child that makes one a mother, but everything that follows in preparing this child for a bright future with stability, nurtyring, and love as wel. a woman can lay down and make a child..that does not make her a mother. the same as a man can make a child with a womann but that does not make him a father. Women tend to continuously contridict the way things are...but I will say to you...bless you for loving that boy the way you do and I know with all the right efforts...everything will wor ouk out for you and your family. Hang in there. And good luck to you (SEE God blessed you with a wonderful wife already? Blessings will continue)

Answer 5

Well if she never wanted to be a mother until your wife came along then its a different story. Now I understand what you mean. There really isn't much you can do besides continue to do what you and your wife are doing. You cant make the mother a better person. She is who she is. You just need to make sure to use the court system if she is not being fair with visitations.

Answer 6

Tough question. Now that the possibility is there for someone else to raise your son she is getting clingy.Your wife did everything in her power to make this woman comfortable so that your son could have a loving relationship with both of you. Your x had sabotaged that at every opportunity. It is time for you to see your attorney, and file papers for custody of your son. If she didn't want him then she really still doesn't want him and the chance that she might hurt him is small but real. Make sure that there are people who will testify in court as to her behavior. Give those names to your lawyer.

Answer 7

if you have the custody of this child, and your new wife is willing to make things work with you and your child then you and your new wife and your child can be a new family, and just don't let your ex wife come to the family gatherings anymore, because all she's doing is hurting everyone else in the family by causing disrespectful interruptions.

Answer 8

Continue being the father, husband, and man that you are. You play fair and you should remain fair. You seem to know what to do whenever a problem situation arises. Keep doing it. Most of all, relax and enjoy your family while they are around you and everything else will take care of itself. Your ex (sounds like mine) will just have to deal with her own insecurities. You just make sure that it is not at the expense of your son and your new (wonderful) wife.

Answer 9

No doubt, divorce can be stressful for the child. But disrupted family events are stressful for everyone involved. You shouldn't feel guilty keeping your disruptive ex out of your new family's life. You and your wife have both given her a fair chance, but you can only go so far. I'm sure your son will understand if you explain it to him patiently.

Answer 10

Your new wife is incredible!! Worship her!! Your a lucky man. You did the right thing to exclude your ex from family functions....she needs a time out. Maybe try down the road.