how can i get my dad to stop spoiling my son?

Question

my dad completely spoils my son ( he's 1 year) and when my son cant get me to do the same he throws tantrums and screams till he gets his way i need to tell my dad without offending him that he needs to stop spoiling him

Answer 1

try explaining to your father that you know as a grandfather he loves his little grandson with all his heart, but there has to be limits to how he allows your son to get his own way. as a mother it is hard to give your children every little thing that they want when they want it. so when your father teaches your son he WILL repeatedly get whatever he wants with his grandfather, it gives your son the impression he can get the same "spoiling" from you as well. the problem is that it will take you showing your father in a gentle way that this really makes it hard for you as a mother to teach your child disapline and rational behavior when he does not get his way. its best to stess to your father that at this young of an age a child is learning far more about his life and future and what to expect from others at this tender age. so its best to love and nuture him but not spoil him to the point hes over riding what your wishes as a guiding mother are. its your place to guide your son in the best direction you feel neccessary as his mother, and its your turn as a new parent to step in and kindly set boundaries and ground rules that are not to be broken when your father is around your son. ask your father to help you correct this problem. he can still love and nuture his grandchild without causing problems if he just thinks about what he is giving into and how thats going to effect your child later on in his life. the tantrums and screams are not going to get any better. only worse as the child gets older-- if your father doenst change his way with your son. but with a little love and understanding this whole thing will be behind you and forgotten in no time at all. *winks* good luck!

Answer 2

You are the one that has to live with it. So you are the one that has to tell your dad that you appreciate it but it is not doing anybody any good. Besides your son won't remember when he gets older. If he wants to spoil him let him do it with love not items. Tell him that you don't want your son to think that everything has to go his way. When he gets in school it will cause problems. It is already causing problems for you now. Your dad had his chance to spoil his own kids he don't need to do it with yours.

Answer 3

#1 Make him deal witht the temper tantrum.

#2 Don't worry about offending him...he's your kid. He needs to be raised as you see fit...if spoiling the kid rotten doesn't fit into that...speak up and tell your dad to use some sense.

Not only that...but if you're giving in after the screaming...you're spoiling him too...

DON'T GIVE IN...let him scream...he'll stop eventually and if he sees, that it may work with gramps but it doesn't work with you...maybe he'll only be a devil child with grandpa cause he'll know that you won't cave.

Answer 4

The best thing grandparents like about having grandkids is that they get to spoil them and send them home.Grandparents live for spoiling the grandkids.I dont know if your dad will be willing to stop with spoiling and more than likely it will hurt his feelings.You will just have to decide what is more worthy letting grandpa spoil the baby or hurting dads feelings.It is a tough one.

Answer 5

I went through the same thing. My paretns spoiled my daughter so bad. I had small talks with them about it from time to time. Now she is 6 years old and they still kinda spoil her but I think they see what its done. She is almost perfect with me and at home but she is bad at their house. They are trying to change it now some although its hard. Just have a talk with him about it. It will work out. I understand you dont want ot make him mad or hurt his feelings.

Answer 6

"when my son cant get me to do the same he throws tantrums and screams till he gets his way"
.......til he gets his way???? seems to me like you are also 'spoiling' your son! aren't you the most influential person in the son's life? the person with the most impact will mold your son's behaviors........hopefully that's you and if you can't figure out how to resist your son's tantrums go here:
http://www.howtobehave.com/
http://cyberparent.com/esteem/discipline.htm

or attend parenting classes!

Answer 7

It's hard to get parents to realize that their children are growing up. You'll have to sit down with your Dad and a cup of coffee. Have a long talk with him about how you & your husband have chosen to raise your child. This will demonstrate to your dad that a lot of thought has gone into your new role as mother, and help to awaken him to your adult-hood status.
Don't resort to screeching at your father, or to "laying down the law" with him, as that will undermine your efforts. Keep your voice calm, and at the end of the chat, ask him to help support your version of child-rearing.

Answer 8

No, you need to quit giving your kid his way.

That's the key issue. Kid acts up, you give up, kid achieves his goal, you assume security through obscurity is the answer and blame your dad, and the whole mess goes on and on and on.

Be a disciplinarian, be more stubborn, but recognize what the real issues are.

Answer 9

i fear I will have the same problems with my in-laws. i plan to just be honest with them and if they can't interact with my child according to my standards and morals then they just won't get to see her. If you let it continue you will be the mom in the grocery store with the screaming 6 year old that is out of control.

Answer 10

Its the same problem with me too. My father has spoilt my brother a lot. However, in ur case, u r not late.Spent time with ur brother as much as u can and make him learn the difference between good and bad. i know, its tough, but try it, before its too late.