I cheated on my husband with his best friend, plus his wife was my best friend. How can I save my marriage?

Question

My husband and I have been best friends with this other couple since August 2005. We have all pretty much spent every weekend together since then, even though I told my husband I needed a break every now & then. Back in June 2006 my husband & I got into an argument, I went off on the four wheeler to be alone. My friends husband came up and we talked and things happened, including kissing & oral sex, no sex. I didn't tell my husband until August 2006. I couldn't keep this lie in any longer. I love him and want to be with him forever. How can I make him understand that I love him and would never do anything like this again? The thing that hurts too is I came out and told the truth and he had to tell his wife too, they are doing okay and will most likely be okay. I can't tell with my husband. One day I think things will be fine, and the next I think he'll leave me. What can I do to prove to him that I love him and would never do this again?

In answer to some questions:
1. I don't know why I did what I did. It wasn't just one argument. My husband would always put me down, call me names, etc. I guess that and being really drunk at the time caused me to make a bad decision which I will always regret.
2. I know oral sex is sex, but what I meant was we didn't have vaginal sex.
3. I thought before that my husband cheated on me, but was willing to let it go because I love him more than life itself. I really would have forgiven him.
4. I did not want this to happen. It was a huge mistake that I never wanted to happen. The kiss was mutual, the oral sex I did say no at first, I said it a few times, but he insisted and I was too drunk to consider my options. I even tried to stop in the middle of it, he wouldn't really let me stop.

I know I'm a bad person now. I don't want to be. I made a mistake. I'm not a whore. I know I'm not the only one in the world to do this. I love my husband and want to be with him.

Answer 1

Well both of you need to forgive each other . Your husband needs to forgive himself and you need to forgive yourself. Truly repent from cheating totally & return back to your ordained lifetime soulmate God gave you to have in the first place. Than ask God to forgive you and make Jesus your Lord of your life. Put God in the centered of your marriage ........... ok !!! Start working on your marriage and don't take the coward's way out by getting a divorce . Marriage is what it is until death . When you speak those words "Till death do us part " THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT IT MEANS. Honor the sanctity of your marriage !!!! Marriage is a commitment - bottom line; for better or worse. When we marry , we make a commitment to stick by our ordained lifetime soulmate through thick and thin.If our spouse screws up and makes mistakes , forgive them , work it out and maintain commitment. Get that picture. Hang in there and don't ever take the coward's way out by getting a divorce.

Answer 2

It will probably be o.k. but you've got to build the trust all over again which will take a lot of time and with time it heals, this really hurts and it makes no differece if you had sex or not it's just as bad, you might as well have had! Are you all still friends? if so maybe you can enetre the game of swinging! Not that it will solve anything but it could make all of the realtionships better!

The call it cheating for a reason b/c it is a game you can play it well and by the rules if there was any set in the begining or you can chaet and lie and never tell or you can do what you have done tell and ask to be forgivin' - You've done the best thing you could do by telling the truth all will be fine.

Reasure hubby you are an honest person and explain to him that communication is important and you want to be able to talk to him about anything including sex... There is no room for jelliousy just room for unconditional love even if this means having an open relationship b/c you do truely love him and want him to be happy even if that means being with other women! Sorry but true, you've opened that door! It may make your marriage stronger and you will learn lots about eachother you never thought you could...
best of luck.

Answer 3

If you truly love your husband and he means more to you then life it's self then you never would have did what you did! I understand that at times relationships can be very stressful, and when there are problems you feel lonely & angry. But if you believe that your love for him is totally, & honestly true then you would not have aloud yourself to screw around with your husbands best friend! And if you were a faithful wife & friend/him a faithful husband & friend, the two of you would have never even attempted to kiss eachother! The way that I am understanding this is that you are not willing to accept the fact that it was just as much your fault as it was his! You are wanting to put all of the blame on you being drunk,and him, as well! I'm sorry but I can't see how kissing each other was the only thing that was mutual, if that was the true fact you would not have had oral sex with him! If you want to save your marriage, you are going to have to be honest with your self and accept the fact that you were just as responsible as his friend was!
Good Luck
I hope that everything works out for the best!!!!!!!

Answer 4

Obviously you need counseling. It would be great if your husband could go too. You need to realize that the "trust" in the relationship has been violated and broken.

Healing must begin and in order to establish healing some major steps must be taken.

First, it's great that you have come clean (so to speak) and let him know this has happened. But do you truly understand WHY? Did you see it coming? In your heart did you want it to happen?

Counseling will help you break some emotional barriers that have been building for you over time. Your husband probably doesn't trust you and doesn't feel safe to trust you.

It will take some timefor you to understand the enormity of your actions, and he will need time to heal from the betrayal. Give him that time, think of how you would have reacted if he came home and told you he had oral sex with your best friend. No doubt your head would be in a spin for good while. Prehaps you'd begin to question yourself, him and the whole marriage.

Suggest that you both go to counseling together, but if he says he doesn't feel he should go, let him know you will no matter what.

Also, he's probably having mixed emotions because he's not able to come to terms with the situation and why it happened. He apparently hasn't had closure and is afraid of being hurt once again. In time, hopefully and prayerfully he'll be able to truly forgive you and move on. But he will need to find a way to heal through proper counseling and assurance from you discoving what led you to that improper choice.

The only thing you can do is to ask God for forgiveness, ask your husband for forgiveness, seek counseling and allow your actions to speak louder than your words.

Answer 5

You're not making much sense. She gave up on the marriage and served you with divorce papers. You met 2 women after that fact and had something go on. Now, how can you consider that cheating when your wife doesn't want you before you met the 2 women? Please don't go on this guilt trip as you have NOTHING to feel guilty about. As for your second question - how to save your marriage. It takes 2 to save a marriage, not 1. You may want to reconcile but she doesn't. She has to want it too. How to get her to want it? Not by giving in to her all the time or proving that 'nothing like this will ever happen again'. So what if you prove it? It'll not mean anything if she doesn't appreciate you. That's the problem, she doesn't appreciate you. The problem isn't you. She hurt you first and served divorce papers first. My opinion is for you to move on and find a woman that will really appreciate you for who you are. Don't cling to straws to a relationship that is long dead (it is to your wife). She did not treat you with respect by bad mouthing you & she cut you down with those words you said about feeling nothing for you. She didn't care how she hurt you. Move on please - you will much healthier and happier. You can never be happy in a relationship with a woman who doesn't appreciate you or love you even.

Answer 6

This is too much. You really blew it. I mean to tell you the truth I'm not going to feel sorry for you or for anyone who has ever cheated on their partner. You have no escuse to tell. No matter what he tells you, if he was drunk, how many fights you've had or if how many times your husband cheated on you. I have been drunk before but I have not once thought about cheating on my husband I don't care if it's just kissing. I have never and I will never cheat. If you want to save your marriage I suggest you go with a marriage counselor. Good luck and I'm sorry if I ofended you, but this is just my opinion.

Answer 7

you may be able to. my brother in laws wife cheated on him with his best friend they divorced for less than a year then remarried. they are still together after this second marriage. i think it's cause he's the only one willing to put up with her.

Anyway, I digress. Yes any relationship worth having can be saved. You are going to have to earn his trust all over again. If he wants to leave you as a result of this whole thing then that is his right.

Good luck to you.

Answer 8

you're not a bad person..you just made a bad choice. And unfortunately the ball is in your husband's court right now. There is not a good justification for those actions. I think the only way that you can go on from here is to forgive each other and leave the baggage behind and never pick it up. Start new today. Unfortunately for you..this might be easier said than done for your husband. Good luck!

Answer 9

The next time you need something on the oral level outside of your marriage, I say go to the dentist for a oral exam that shouldn't cause you any marital problems.

What you are going through now is just why you should think before you act.

A argument doesn't have to turn someone to oral sex with someone else husband.

You want to prove your love, put your actions where your mouth is and tell any man who want sexual favors from you that you give at home.

You need to deal with the circumstances and sit idly by to see if your spouse can forgive you for something I would find it hard to forget.

Answer 10

yes you relay did make a mistake and you wont get any sympathy from me. what i suggest is probably something you wouldn't even pay attention to so i wont waist my breath. you new that it wrong before you you did what you did dint blame on anything else or that you were drunk that's bullshit do you know the pain you caused or can cause to person? if your husband doesn't already know dont tell him and make sure the other idiot doesn't say anything and never ever do this again. There is so much that a person causes when there is no trust in a relationship and when there is not trust it causes mental,emotional,confusion,suspicion,questioning,and so much more.why would you do this? if your not happy then get a divorce and go your way.