How can I come across well?

Question

I was very smart but more importantly very verbal as a kid and this meant I naturally pulled towards grown-ups more and other kids figured I was weird. I grew up a loner, to this day I don't have any friends, like seriously none whatsoever and it doesn't actually bother me all that much. I was in college 4 years and my fellow students said it took almost that whole time to get to know me but they do like me.
The only thing is I notice a serious dysfunction when trying to get to know people nowadays. I went along on a few day's trip and gig with some people I didn't really know and I thought I was doing ok but afterwards they tell me I'm so negative and just an awful person etc. Only two out of fifteen even spoke to me to begin with (and stopped day 2)
I have an educated, sweet, popular boyfriend who loves me so I can't be thàt hainous?
I'm due to start a new job and I'm petrified I'm going to come across badly and they'll hate me. I honest to god thought I was being 'regular'.

Ah my outward appearance... It's pretty darn fabulous actually, since I have so much time not hanging out with friends I am groomed and dressed to perfection... ... ... ... ... to go to the supermarket... ... ... ... ... oh god this is sooooo depressing... :(((((((((((((((



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Answer 1

You have to be more positive in life,loosen up.Someone said something to me years ago,that I always look bloody miserable because I never smile.But on the inside I am happy,I was glad it was said to me.I had to train myself to smile more.Communication is the key,always keep eye contact when someone is talking to you.Try to express yourself and be more open,then people will want to know you.The funny thing is with your question you have showed what excellent communication skills you have,use them in real life.

Answer 2

As important as it is to come across 'well', I think it's more important not to come across as 'false'-I'm not saying that you do by any means, but it's important. When people get past the falseness that they liked and then discover the reality, problems start. They feel that they have been betrayed.

To come across well it's good to have a certain degree of confidence, but not so much that you become arrogant. Your boyfriend obviously loves you for who you are, so I would ask him about the qualities that first attracted him to you and concentrate on those when meeting new people.

Also, like you said, negativity is not a good thing because if one person has a negative attitude it can affect the people around them as they start to get drawn in. Eventually they'll decide they don't want to be around you because they don't like the way the negativity affects them-so be confident. So don't start off by thinking 'they'll hate me' , because it will come across badly and shutting them out with negativity straight away may put them off getting to know you better. Unfortunately, a lot of people are not the kind that do make an effort in getting to know other people, it's their loss, they could've made a great friend. Lastly, don't be clingy, take it as it comes.

Just be yourself and I'm sure they'll love you. Some people are naturally quiet than others and so it takes longer to ge to know them.

Also, people who actually tell you after a few days that they don't like you is way to harsh and wouldn't be the sort of people I would even want to be near.

Answer 3

I have a hard time making friends too because I don't easily trust people. I have 3 close girlfriends but one has a family, the other one lives out of state, and the third is 32 and has severe health problems. I'm an only child so I grew up around adults and felt the most comfortable with them. I went on to date men who were 10-20 yrs. older then me and now, at age 28, I am happily married to the man of my dreams - he is 8 yrs. older then me. But I still crave some friendships with women! I'm not sure where to go or how to meet them. Hang in there....we are in the same boat!! I hope all goes well with the new job - just be you, if people don't like it, that's their problem. Be true to yourself no matter what.

Answer 4

The best thing you could probably do is relax a little, if you feel insecure or aprehensive about how people perceive you, you are likely to behave in a manner that wouldn't allow your true personality to shine through. The most annoying thing about us humans is our minds ability to constantly try to predict the future and read other peoples minds, the story's we constantly tell ourselves colour our actual experience and alter our perception of events. So, before you go into the situation just try and settle your mind with a few deep breaths and learn to evaluate the accuracy of these thoughts as they arise and feel free to ignore them as you wish!

Answer 5

I used to work with someone with the same problem and with her, it was the fact that she didn't smile a lot and would always have a sullen look on her face. I still talked to her and had a laugh with her and would go as far as to tell her how pretty her smile is and how it's a shame we don't see more of it.

I would say try to smile more when you interact if you don't already do so and try to be more optimistic about things. Good luck with it.

Answer 6

Be honest with people, but diplomatic. In any social / work setting only say positive things, don't say negative things unless there really is no alternative. Be considerate but not overhelpful.

And most of all, rely on those who are closest to you.

Answer 7

Getting along with people actually takes an effort. Maybe you can get some therepy to help. Or try hard to get past the things you don't like in people. It is hard to do, people get on my nerves all the time.

Answer 8

a new job is always daunting, use the salesmans trick, find out what people like and ask them about their likes each time it seems apropriate.
Try to avoid negatives, substitute with positives, if some one asks about your weekend for instance, think of the good thing....and turn the bad into a joke...laugh and the world laughs with you cry and you cry alone..
An intelligent nicely turned out person, who has a gentle and sensitive soul...thats not nasty

Answer 9

Some people find it difficult to deal with people that are different, i too am special, unique and difficult to get to know but once i make Friends its for life, it all comes from me being able to trust people enough

Answer 10

im pretty much the same, im confident in myself but dont talk to people that much. i enjoy my own company but am happy in any surroundings, which is a little wierd in itself. i dont have that many friends because it takes me a while to open up to others and it is usually them who talk to me first. i just prefer to listen to people first so i get to know what they like and what they dont. most people appreciate this approach and those who dont tend to be a little arrogant, everyone needs time to feel comfortable in different situations, dont worry about it.