Poetic opinion?

Question

Dirge To Decadence

So, my cowardiced white brothers

Have your souls fallen?

More Low now than their cage.

Low, yet bodies yearn,

Escape to potent dust and slumbered dirge.



Have you crucified man's last upon the Somme maybe?

His final dignity buried in one thousand suns.

Lo! Even Death has turned his craven cowl,

Such tasteless meals as vanquished unlived;

Filthy youth in his trenchless peace.



White crowds, young hordes hungry for living hell;

Unspent and unmeant army that IS youth.

Overpleasured Caligulas;

Crumble now to potent dust.

Answer 1

I loved it...so I took the liberty of consolidating it into my own version (hope you like it).


Arise to Ascension


My courageous brethern,

Have your spirits been lifted?

Higher now than a cage.

High, your spirits yearn,

Escape to potent light and awakened hymn.


Have you risen from the Somme perhaps?

Final dignity lifted in one thousand suns.

Lo! Even Life has turned the sacred cowl,

Such tasteful meals as restoration lives;

Purified youth in seamless peace.


Multitudes, young hordes hungry for heaven;

Spent and intent...army that IS youth.

Over-pleasured Tiberius;

Now crumbled to dust.

Answer 2

Nice!
I suck as a poet, but I try. I love to read others' poems to learn from them. My good ones are on my 360. Check them out. If you don't like them, again I suck as a poet.:)
Mine are always so jumbled and ran together and I usually just go with it.

Answer 3

Word.