I know that I have a good personality; people who have known me for a while say I've got an awesome sense of humor and I've always got something valuable to contribute to conversations. And on the internet and over the phone, I present myself very well, like an outgoing person.
In real, face-to-face life though? I lock up. I instantly play the boring, shy, but sweet wallflower--and that's NOT me. The only way I can loosen up is to know someone for a very long time or down a few drinks, and you know, I think that's how lots of old ladies end up being drunken bar flies. Don't let me become a drunken bar fly--tell me how I can become more comfortable around people I don't know very well!
2006-08-18 05:42:51 · 21 answers · asked by Casey 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
This is going to sound stupid but practice in front of a mirror..you would be surprised how much it helps you..Why are you afraid of talking face to face? You sound like a smart person...and you need to get over this phobia you have
2006-08-18 05:52:43 · answer #1 · answered by Mrs. M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
CASEY! Your problem is that you do not believe in yourself enough.. You put everyone else above you and you are in some weird way afraid to make contact to people.
You have been hurt at some point in your life by people big time- maybe a traumatic experience.
Maybe I am wrong with what I said above BUT the solution is the same.
Contemplate - memorize you talking to a stranger. Remember what caused you to feel the way you did or at which point in the conversation/contact you felt akward. The first step in solving the problem(any problem) is to be aware of the root of the problem (asking yourself many questions will help - Why did I ....?!)
See everybody at the same level of you . Just realize that the values you carry inside not on the outside. Dare yourself many times in talking to strangers and push your limits to show yourself the way you are from teh very begginning - be self confident and do not be afraid that you screw up. It will help , believe me.
If you want an easier solution that would not make you think very much and gives results 100%:
Take theater classes and make a goal in having a major role in a play. Aim for being the best in your group. If it worked for me , it will work for you! You soun like a beautiful soul.
Oh and last but not least! Don't drink. Learn to enjoy your moments sober. Even pain tastes better when you are sober. Alcohol and getting drunk sucks. The new mentallity that is being advertised and encouraged is fake and totally uncool. Especially when you are fourty something and you realize that you are too young to be that sick and the doctors will tell you that the answer to your WHY question is in the bottle.
I wish you good luck.
Questions and/or concerns, feel free to contact me: butzunake@yahoo.com
Hug Hug
2006-08-18 06:07:18 · answer #2 · answered by butzunake 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I don't see why you would have a problem socializing. You are a very attractive lady (at least what I can tell from the thumb pic) and it looks like you're pretty articulate. But sometimes a drink or two can help you get over those awkward scenarios. Doesn't mean you have to get soused every time. Just get to that level and maintain it by nursing your drink. A lot of it's conditioning from when you were a kid. If your parents and teachers ignored your questions and treated you like some pet, then your tendencies towards being shy and inverted are going to be more defined. But it's all in your mind. Once you figure that out, you won't have to have those couple of drinks.
2006-08-18 05:55:57 · answer #3 · answered by Andrew B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try being more interested in them, and what they have to say, instead of thinking only about how you feel. Sounds like you have the 'ME' syndrome. And nobody here can stop you from becoming a 'drunken bar fly' - only you can do that, and if that's your answer to not being able to socialize - then so be it.
2006-08-18 05:49:35 · answer #4 · answered by theophilus 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you need to join a group you see regularly - that are involved with something you enjoy or are good at. Mixing with like minded folk might build your confidence which you can take away to random situations. Also, when you are out and about, try focusing on the other person rather than on yourself. Try asking them lots of questions about them (people love that), so there'll be less pressure on you to be outgoing and interesting.
2006-08-18 05:51:49 · answer #5 · answered by Sunshine 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to put yourself out there. Try to find places or things to do with people that you have things in common with. It's much easier to start a conversation when your both talking about something you like, like butterflies or at a Desperate Housewives club meeting (whatever floats your boat). This practice might ease your way up to going to places and hangin out with people that you, at first glance, don't have much in common with, but with a little convo, you'll find out that you do.
Just be a little more aggressive, as far as talking to people. Oh..smiling and friendly gestures is always welcoming and can often be a way to start a convo. Be yourself and gl!
By the way...I just read your profile for yahoo answers..and I will graduate with a degree in English in May....strangers have things in common all the time..so always keep that in mind.
2006-08-18 05:52:07 · answer #6 · answered by Miss Dee 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest trying to be more relaxed in your conversations by practicing on people where you shop, the gym, work, school. To build up your confidence, you could always enroll in a public speaking class too. My hubby is the same way you described yourself...needs a few to be socialable. Then you cant shut him up. haha.......Its not a bad thing what you are going thru but you should try and learn to be more comfortable.
2006-08-18 05:49:34 · answer #7 · answered by honeyinthelexus 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-02 06:11:05 · answer #8 · answered by quaas 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find a group of friends or people who share your interests and share the same personality as you. The easiest way to do this, would be to join a club that interests you. Hope that helped!
2006-08-18 05:54:05 · answer #9 · answered by vivian 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry, you just have low esteem, it's absolutely normal, but sometimes you have to be a little more open with the others, but not to open with everyone, find friends whom you can trust, people who like you the way you are. Good Luck.
2006-08-18 06:33:42 · answer #10 · answered by Faust 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋