Husband says he has no feelings for her?

Question

My husband and his exgirlfriend from high School (8 years ago) are still friends and they talk. I think he still has feelings for this girl. He has invited her to start talking with his sister and mother again, she just called him on wensday and he did not mention the call to me, last month he IM her and at the end ofthe conversation she told him she missed him, and he replied he missed her to (he did not tell me about this either), and i found out that he was checking out a couple of her pictures online while i was at work last month that he has not mentioned to me. He says he does not have feelings for her, she's just a friend. We live in Hawaii, she is back in texas, and she has a boyfriend of her own. Am I overreacting here, or does it seem like he likes her? Do friends act like this?

they broke up because of distance when they were dating. That was the only reason for the break up.

Answer 1

it natural to feel that way, I mean he is your husband. he shouldn't be keeping secrets.

Answer 2

The fact that he didn't mention it might be just that he thought it was inconsequential. If your friend sent you pictures and you looked at them, would you be guilty of having feelings for them? I'm not saying that your husband is innocent, but sometimes it really IS that simple.

I have many friends that my fiance is jealous of, but they are just friends and she has grown to accept that. My friend Courtney sends me pictures all the time. It doesn't mean that I'm going to leave the love of my life just because there was almost something between us a little after high school. I still have a picture of one of my ex-girlfriends from high school. She is still my friend and we ended the relationship on good terms. Does the fact that we broke up mean that we absolutely have to hate each other? Personally, I think there's already enough hate to go around in the world.

Perhaps you should sit your husband down and discuss how it makes you feel uncomfortable. Would it make you more comfortable if he told you about every time they talked? An understanding husband will be willing to discuss it. Just remember to keep the conversation civil and without accusations as much as possible. Accusations and fits of anger only breed resentment. Develop better communication with each other ;)

Good Luck! I hope things work out for you.

Answer 3

it's probably old feeling that start to surface after a couple like you have been together 8 years. ever heard of the old saying, "the seven year itch." ? It is very common.
You should tell him that this behavior disturbs you and you should also make sure that you are not doing things or neglecting things that would cause him to want more than he has.
Good thing she is in Texas, that helps. It's probably just mind play, but still you two should make each other special if there is still enough love between you.
Make yourself the excitement of his live, sure he may know you better than anyone but you should still be able to surprise him once in a while.
Men and women who are married should not have close relationships with persons of the opposite gender in my opinion. we all know human nature, it's only natural for something to happen if there is a spark between them.
Work on staying close to each other and keeping the love fresh. Once it gets stale people start looking other places for what they need to be happy.

Answer 4

The question isn't whether he cares about this person or not. The question is whether you trust him.

Do you honestly expect a catalog and summary of everyone he talks to every day? That's the attitude of a jailer, not a partner.

I think you need to figure out why you think he would be cheating on you... if you have good reason to suspect such things, then you scarcely have a relationship anyway. Get out before he can really hurt you. On the other hand, if you have no reason not to trust him and are just being jealous, then it is YOU who will drive HIM away, and he'll be right to go at the soonest opportunity as well.

So check yourself. This supposed relationship isn't the problem. TRUST is the problem here.

Answer 5

Even if he does have feelings for her, what are you going to do? You can forbid him to talk to her, that only leads to the sneaky stuff. Do you trust him? If so then trust him.. Believe you me there is no reason to waste your time, fearing over this, if it bothers you that much then talk to him. HEAR what he has to say and then tell him how you are feeling about it. Just remember everything happens for a reason, we may not know what that reason is at the time, but it usually takes us to a better point and place in our lives than ever expected. With or without your hubby you will be fine. You were fine before him and you will always be fine after him. Not that he is going anywhere, but if you really think about things, we never NEED anybody, but we want somebody.. Best of luck, hold your head up high, everything will be okay..

Answer 6

Well i am no expert, but there are probably multiple reasons he isn't telling you. One, he knows you have a penchant to overreact and he doesn't feel like fighting over a battle that doesn't need to be fought. The fact that you have garnered so much information while he attempts to keep you in the dark makes this seem most likely. However, his saying he has no feelings for her is probably B.S. but mostly that is to calm your fears and not have to spend countless hours explaining his position. My wife lives in morbid fear of my friend back home and for no other reason than we were best friends and lovers and we did all the things together that she never did. Her fears are ungrounded, for I know who I am and what I expect from my relationship with both of them. Do i have feelings for my friend? OF COURSE I DO! SHE IS MY FRIEND! Am I in love with my friend? No, I am in love with my wife! But that doesn't mean I have little or no affection for my friend. I however, got tired of answering the questions again and again and again. So I put my foot down. Did she like it? No. Does she respect my reasoning? Probably not. Does she have a choice? Sure she can ask all the questions she wants while she packs her bags, because I am an adult and expect my Wife to act accordingly and respect my point of view. I respected her enough to answer all her questions for a month and a half! You two need to be more respectful of each other and act in the manner of the institution upon which you both entered willingly.

Answer 7

Yes, you're over reacting. First of all you are across an ocean from her. Calm down. Secondly, stop spying on your guy! That's not gonna help the situation any for either of you. Ok, now let me tell you a little story.

I dated this girl, we'll call her "Jane", for about 3 years. Really serious relationship but things just didn't work out. It was a bad breakup, lots of fighting and sh*t, I refused to talk to her. I was just too hurt. So, jump to now, about 7 months later...she starts IMing me and calling me again. I figure "What the hell"...I really loved this girl when we were together, I can try to be friends with her. So I'm giving that a go and it's kinda nice. Talking about old times, about mutual friends...good times. She says she misses me, I tell her I miss her too. I do miss her. But the thing is not only am I attracted to someone else, I also remember all the hurt our break up caused the both of us. I'm over her. It's just friendship. Thats how friends roll.

Answer 8

I think you might be over reacting a bit. Your husband is entitled to having friends... even if they are ex girlfriends and such. You guys live a long way away from her so there isnt much of a thret. I wouldnt worry too much about it unless he starts having long phone calls with her.. or wanting to take trips to texas or something like that. But untill that starts heppening.. Trust your husband. It does you both no good if you cant have trust in the relationship.

Might want to try and get in touch with some of your old friends too. It could help you relate to what hes doing now.

Answer 9

He may still like her. He may miss her. But they broke up didn't they? There was a reason for the breakup, right? And he married you, not her, so that says a lot.

There may be a problem or it might be that he likes the thrill of doing something out of the ordinary, like talking to an ex-girlfriend while married.

I don't think there's anything to worry about unless he starts taking "business trips" to the main land or she starts coming there for business or vacations.

Ask him how he thinks your marriage is going. Is it strong, stable, exciting? Is there anything missing that he needs to be happy in the marriage? You may have to ask several times. Listen with a open and accepting mind and truly consider what he says and what you are willing to do. It may be that he wants someone to discuss the latest Harry Potter book with.

Answer 10

In all honesty, it sounds as though he truly has a friendship with this girl. Regardless of what he says, I think he does have feelings for her, but not in the way you think. I think he cares, she may be a great person, but I wouldn't worry about it going any further....he probably just confides in him as she does him regarding everyday life stuff. As for him looking up her pictures, well that's also easily explained. Many of us often don't have access to our highschool flings anymore and from time to time we all wonder "what if?". He has those pictures available, he's gonna look, and if you were in his shoes and maintained that type of relationship with the ex on a friend only basis, then you would take a peak too, just to see what you could have had. It's human nature to be curious.

I know alot of people are going to tell you that this is going to lead somewhere and to get rid of him, but it's not that easy. This is a man you love, he is the one you want in life. Don't feed on the insecurities. Bring it out into the open. He's been honest with you about it up to a point, and now that he's hiding it, it sounds as though you've voiced your disaproval and now he's trying to spare your feelings by not talking about it. Honey, you want that open-ness. Trust me. I know it'll annoy you, but if it's out in the open, then there are no surprises. And always keep in mind, that they are just friends, she has a boyfriend and he's married. Once you start doubting him, things will only spiral downhere from there. Don't take that road unless you are up for heartache!

Answer 11

I dont think you should allow your husband to be friends with his exgirlfriend, He probably still has some feelings for her,if not he would of mention these things to you. Why do you let him talk to her.talk to him straight and ask him what is going on,and no friends don't act like this i have never told any of my guy friends i miss them unless i like them or have a feeling for them
be careful talk to your man but dont let him go.