Me and My fiance are getting married at the beginning of next year. I really want to start trying to have a family as soon as possible. Kids have always been in my plans and I have severe endormetriosis and have had many surgerys for pre cancerous cells. I was told I need to have my first child pretty soon, but how do I bring this up to him and tell him I would like to try to start having a family without freaking him out?
2006-08-18 05:13:00 · 12 answers · asked by Cat 1 in Health ➔ Women's Health
It's hard to believe you will be getting married soon and haven't discussed to each other about children in the future. I would guess the best way is to just bring the subject up and ask him how he feels about having children and how soon would it be okay for him and go from there.
2006-08-18 05:21:24 · answer #1 · answered by auntkarendjjb 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
SINCE NOT EVERYONE THINKS JUST LIKE YOU DO, YOU HAVE TO ASK SOME QUESTIONS....
Are you two financially stable? Do you have insurance? Do you have total faith and trust in your partner?
You should start planning financially for a child BEFORE thinking about having one. This will reduce your stress level, which can affect fertility. Get a savings going (enough to take care of you if you can't work for a while, plus unexpected expenses like a car repair or something)....
If you are worried about freaking him out, you may have some doubts. Bringing a baby into that is NOT a good thing. The best gift to a child is a healthy and satisfying partnership with your spouse. NEVER make an unborn baby responsible for fixing a marriage or holding one together.
You have not yet had a chance to enjoy life as a couple, and learn how to live and function together as a unit. A baby will rob you of this, and start your marriage out on the wrong foot.
How does he feel about kids? When would he feel comfortable having them? How would you split the responsibility? What are his plans and goals in the future? What about religion? Where will you two end up living? Whose parents will you visit on holidays? Who will work (when/where)? What about your education? How will you two divide the household responsibilities? The bills? How often do you need sex? Going out together? How do each of you define iinfidelity? Intimacy? Cheating? How do you two handle disagreements? What are your absolute dealbreakers? Would you have faith that your partner could raise a healthy child if you were suddenly gone?
There are so many things to think about before marriage that people overlook in the excitement. These are practical things that will always come up later on, and could become dealbreakers. There's a pre-marital checklst at www.drphil.com.
As far as pregnancy, I would wait until you are happy and comfortable together, and you are certain of his feelings for you and can predict how he will handle the idea. Don't just dump it on him and expect him to feel exactly like you do....
If you end up having to adopt, then so be it. Nurture is stronger and more special than nature anyway....
2006-08-18 05:36:21 · answer #2 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the big question here is...why haven't you already brought this up? Does he even want kids?
Try the medical/sensible approach if you need to. Tell him what endometriosis is (a high level overview) and explain that the longer you wait to have children, the less likely a successful pregnancy will happen.
If he is ready to begin a family, it may not be an issue. Good luck!
2006-08-18 05:20:36 · answer #3 · answered by empress_pam 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just talk to him about it and make sure you tell him in fact form. Arm yourself with as much information as possible about it and if he asks something about it that you don't know look it up together. Let him know that this disease, as it progresses, makes getting pregnant more difficult and once it is gone so far about the only option you have is surgery. Tell him that pregnancy also helps the symptoms of it because of the hormones that your body produces during pregnancy. Here is a web site that has helped me through this struggle:
2006-08-18 05:49:46 · answer #4 · answered by stall_out 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I hope you have shared your medical history and the fact that you want to have children with your soon to be husband. With that said; he should be past freaking out and understand you guys delima.
2006-08-18 05:22:31 · answer #5 · answered by Indypendence 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just tell him straight up if he loves you , of course he does your getting married, he will understand, he may too want kids right away, if u need to im sure your family will be behind you all the way , heck even ask them to be there with you wen u talk to him
2006-08-18 05:21:29 · answer #6 · answered by oglepatricia 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you explain to him the exact reason why. If he freaks out I think that's a very telling thing about your relationship. Telling you maybe he's not the right one.
2006-08-18 05:19:37 · answer #7 · answered by fullofsugaw 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit him down and tell him. He needs to know about this, 95% chance he will be ready and wiling to start right away.
2006-08-18 05:33:26 · answer #8 · answered by Tim 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If getting engaged didn't freak him out, having kids shouldn't either. Just explain it to him like you did to us.
Good luck!
2006-08-18 05:20:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
does he know about that medical diagnosis u got? if so, take it with u to gyn/ob appointment and prepare ur md to discuss it together with fiance. he has to understand isnt it why u marrying him?..
2006-08-18 05:24:55 · answer #10 · answered by Viktoriya 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋