We've been together for a total of 15 yrs now. We have 2 kids, age 7 & 9 yrs. I don't love him anymore. I've told him a yr ago that I wasn't happy and wanted to leave. He promised to go out with his family more, if I stayed. He only has a little. But even when he does finally go with us, he doesn't have any fun. We have no spark between us. We live more like brother and sister. I hate that. I don't want to live another 15 yrs without knowing what 'love' really feels like. I have been looking for another man, and he knows that. I would move out first, then find a new man, but I have no money saved and large bills. I am hoping a new man will help make the separation a little easier. I am just very lonely and cry when I see other couples holding hands, kissing, hugging, and look like they are in love. ~something I have yet to experience ~very sad, huh. What would you do?
2006-08-18 04:46:12 · 17 answers · asked by dtammyus♥ 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
well since u dont have any money saved then that could be a problem... well i guess the first thing to do is to get adivorce... talkt o your husband about it again and tell him that u are very serious... if he doesnt want u to leave then ask him to change his ways, tell him what u need and what u feel when u see other couples... and if he still doesnt want to change then u have no choice but to divorce him... what u could do is ask your friends to introduce u to someone nice or try online matchmaking....
well wish u the very best of luck and hope u find your true love...
2006-08-18 05:00:39 · answer #1 · answered by vedz666 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
a lot happens in 15yrs, the spark goes, there's no more mystery, you see the bads and the goods.
Have you tried dating each other again? Maybe, just do little things, like leave a note in his lunch or pocket before he goes to work. Get a babysitter once in a while and go on a date, anywhere, from just a walk to a previous romantic place, or surprise each other.
don't throw away so many years invested just because you have fallen into a rut. Put the mystery back into the marriage, do the unexpected, tell him that you want him to hold your hand in public, talk, but don't blame, and work at it a little at a time. You'll get the spark back, just remember what made you two fall in love in the first place, and recreate some of the good times.
sounds like your both just in a rut, believe me, people have been married till they died, but it just takes work.
Look for little things, no matter how trivial, and praise him for it, make his favorite food or something, just try different things. Get adventerous, another man will not fix this, it will just give you that rush you had when you first met your hubby, and will end up the same, you won't be any happier.
Cripes, you must know each other inside and out by now, just start with little things, you'll get the spark back.
2006-08-18 05:06:03 · answer #2 · answered by thatslife59 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was on the receiving end of that same statement a few years ago, my wife had a middle age crazy period. We separated and divorced for a period and got back together and committed to working it..
We found out our kids were more important then our personal feelings.. We've since grown back together but it's only been through the help of a marital counselor that we rekindled the passion. She had said I am "not IN love" with you, but I love you.. That was extremely a hurtful time.
See a counselor, go in with the attitude of what is in the best interest of the children.
I can tell you after 5 yrs of remarriage we are JUST coming to the point where the debt from our divorce period is getting paid off. Divorce is costly in more ways then finances. The kids lives are disrupted beyond repair and the children need counseling as well
with kids in dealing with the confusion and anger. My kids were exactly that age, my daughter now 12 does not sleep well to this day.
2006-08-18 05:05:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would stop being selfish and think of my kids. Divorce hurts kids no matter how well you do it. I did everything I could to save my first marriage but he would't stay. Unfortunately my two sons are scarred for life. My oldest is now 19 and still suffers from depression and anxiety. My younger son is 15 and headed toward being a high school drop out if he doesn't turn himself around. His dad has nothing to do with him. Divorce is awful. Find a way to make your marriage work. You won't get romance or your husband's attention by whining and complaining. You need to emphasize the difference in you and him as male and female. Read "The Surrendered Wife" or "Fascinating Womanhood" or go to the websites and learn how to bring romance back to your marriage. If you are a Christian you have no farther to look than the Bible. It says a wife must submit to her husband and her husband must love her as himself. That is what works in marriage. That is where the romance is. Some good Christian books are "The Politically Incorrect Wife," "Me? Obey Him?", and "The Excellent Wife." I hope you'll reconsider ending your marriage before you have truly done everything to keep it.
2006-08-18 04:56:10 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My advice to you is seek a lawyer and ask question as far as the bills go, and the kids, and house, and find out before hand what you legally are responsible for some states very and then you can go from there. But like you I was in the same situation, I could not take it anymore, I had to leave I save for a few months and rented a small apt for my girls and me and then went to a legal clinic and filed for divorce. I too know that my Mr right is out there and when my heart jumps and get excited just knowing i going to see him then i will know that he was sent to me to be my soul mate. Don't give up he is out there. Good Luck
2006-08-18 05:01:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
as i have empathy for your situation it sounds like you want a man to love and provide for you before you move out of the house!!! i would have a serious conversation w/your husband first then your kids and let them know how unhappy you are. Maybe your husband will understand how you feel since it's been a year, ya know? Then contact a lawyer and go from there. You should wait the dating game until you're legally divorced. Consider what that might do to your children since they won't understand. Good luck!
2006-08-18 05:02:18 · answer #6 · answered by Ruth R 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't be so quick to divorce. You are going from the frying pan to a fire. The grass is not greaner, trust me. 15 years is too long to just throw away because YOU think you want to see what love is again, you need to remember the reason you fell in love with him to begin with. Don't just think about you, think of the other people that will be affected. This too shall pass if you get it out of your head that you want someone else. Many other people feel the same way as you, it is called being comfortable and secure in a relationship. Men do not continue the behavior they showed when they were courting you and obviously after 15 years, why would he. Remember your vows, till death do us part, get counseling, trust me when I say this, the grass is not greener, you are about to open a door to many problems and heart breaks. You can always email me if you need me to elaborate.
2006-08-18 05:02:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is a very complex relationship where irreconcilable differences between the two are as if sure to crop up. In many a worst case, divorce seems to be only available and vialble solution yet you can not exercise it, the element behind it being the children. The two get stuck in such an impasse that the rest of life becomes a sore for them. I can very well realise your predicament as I am also sailing in the same boat. My wife is really a hard nut to crack. She has very hidebound approach to life which really stifle me. Now I have resigned to my fate. She has completely taken the mantle of running our household and I do not meddle into it lest it rock the boat and a spate of problems starts again. I have now learnt to eat humble pie rather than arguing. I belong to a school of thought that believes in "Fight or Flee" and I have chosen the latter. Peace does prevail in my paradise now. At the end I would only like to suggest you in the nutshell that peace only lies in giving-in gracefully but without being subjugated.
2016-03-27 07:45:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest marriage counselling. And if all else fails, then separating would be your best bet. If the trial separation fails, then you will have no choice but to divorce.
I wouldn't be looking for another man until you go through councelling or a separation as you will be looking for comfort and someone to fill that gap your husband as left you with, however, you should give yourself time to heal from this marriage/relationship before starting another.....
2006-08-18 04:57:30 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Gotta get into therapy to figure this one out. What happened to the spark? What was it like when you two met? Believe me, a good therapist can help a lot, try that before you break up a marriage with two young kids. Good luck
2006-08-18 04:53:18 · answer #10 · answered by aggie babe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋